His, Hers, No one's
by jaytan
Summary: Marriage, divorce, death and life. Nothing turns out the way it was supposed to and Isabella Swan has to learn to live with it.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter one.

As Isabella Swan stood on the doorstep of her fathers house she had to wonder what had been wrong with her. Why did she leave this place to begin with, why did she get married and think it was okay to leave behind the people who loved and cared for her despite all her idiotic flaws? She raised her hand to knock and hoped that Charlie wouldn't be too mad at her, he had every right to be but she hoped he could at least listen for a moment before tossing her back out on her ass, she needed to apologize to him and her mother, what kind of daughter did this to her parents?

"Bells?" Charlie was standing in front of her looking more tired and stressed than she had ever seen him look. God she _really _was a terrible person. In four years she only picked up the phone once a month to call him, to let him know she was okay. In four years this was the first time she stood in front of him. He took a cautious step toward her, she noticed his hands were shaking slightly and he was looking at her like she would bite him or something….shit.

"Hi dad." Whatever he was afraid of finding was forgotten the moment she spoke. Charlie pulled his daughter in a too tight embrace but she didn't protest, she held back her own tears, this was her doing and she couldn't have him feeling sorry for her when he was clearly dealing with his own problem which at the moment was obviously her.

"Come inside. Sue's gone to get groceries-" It took him a few minutes to calm down, she followed him inside and noticed how neat and tidy everything was. There were pictures on the wall from her wedding, none of them were of her and Edward. Then there were pictures of Sue's kids and she noticed there was a picture of the pack, everyone looked the same as when she left.

Charlie sat down and patted the space next to him on the couch, which also looked to be new.

"What happened Bells?" The worry on his face and his voice was so hard to see and hear.

"Things just didn't turn out the way I expected them to. Edward is still a good guy…" Charlie scoffed and shook his head. This only made Bella more curious, it was like he knew something. "-we just wanted different things." It was that simple, Edward wanted her to live and she wanted to be changed, eventually his persistence paid off, she stopped wanting to spend the rest of eternity with him. A pretend marriage only seemed to make things more difficult between them and she was tired of it, apparently so was he. Charlie let out a breath before turning to look at her.

"I know about the Cullen's." Her body felt completely stiff, she was numb and she wasn't really sure what to say, how could he possibly know about the Cullen's?

"What do you mean?" It took exactly ten seconds for his face to turn bright red and to jump off his seat. He paced the room and Bella didn't move an inch. The clock was ticking so loudly she was sure it was going to give her a migraine, the only other sounds she could hear were Charlile's feet burning a whole through the floor and his breathing.

"Bella I'm married to Sue. I know all about the legends, I know about the treaty, I KNOW WHAT YOU WANTED TO BECOME!" At this point the tears she had been trying to hold back started pouring from her eyes, he had known that she wanted Edward to change her and those short phone calls were probably torture for him every month, waiting to find out if she had become one of the undead yet.

"I'm sorry dad. I shouldn't have- I know it was selfish-" Charlie cut her off before she could finish.

"You know it was selfish yet you wanted to do it anyway…What in the hell is wrong with you? Were the people who loved you, your mother and I, not enough for you? " He stopped pacing to look at her. Bella looked down at the floor, she at least had the decency to feel ashamed, as she should be.

"Do you realize what I went through while you were off with your _husband_? Do you realize how fucking scared I was that I would never see you again? Or how hard it was to try to console your mother when she called here because she couldn't get a hold of you? You are our only daughter, did you think we would just stop caring about you?"

Charlie stood in place one hand was clenched tightly at his side the other was gripping his hair so tightly she was sure he'd pull it out. Bella was sobbing now, she couldn't even pretend to hold back if she wanted to. This was the first time her father had ever raised his voice with her, been mad at her. Of course he had every right to be, she was so stupid.

"I'm glad you're alive and still you. But if you ever try to pull that shit again I'm not going to hesitate to take you down to the station and throw you in a cell until you come to your senses, do you understand?" Bella nodded her head like the child she was, it had taken her a few moments to absorb everything he had said. Charlie knew about the shape shifters and vampires, he knew she wanted and god she was such an idiot.

"I'm sorry dad. I'm so, so sorry." He sat back down on the couch beside her and pulled her into a hug.

"I love you Bells and I do not want to lose you. Yea you're an adult but that doesn't give you the right to go and kill yourself, you cant just take yourself away from everyone… from me." Bella nodded her head and let her dad comfort her, it was ridiculous of her to think something this huge would not affect him, or her mother, or anyone.

There were a few moments of silence between them, she wanted to tell him she loved him and wouldn't do this ever again but she couldn't seem to get the words out, he was a different person and she still had a lot of things to work on when it came to herself. So many issues she would need to deal with, she would tell him when she could but it didn't mean she didn't love him because she did, of course she did.

"Can I use the phone to call mom?" He nodded and handed her the cordless phone, she dialled the number and was reduced to sobs once more. Of course she was selfish and childish when she thought she could leave her parents and think that they wouldn't be worried or upset. Rene had cried and told her how much she missed her, turns out she and Phil were divorcing now, Rene was planning to move to California. When she hung up she noticed that her father was still watching her, probably worried she'd disappear…again, she gave him a weak smile hoping to reassure him, she would do her best not to disappoint him or nearly kill him from stress again.

Seth walked in carrying a bunch of bags, the shock on his face when he looked at her would have been funny if she knew he, like everyone else, was worried about her being alive. He looked at her and sniffed the air, she guessed he was double checking to make sure she wasn't a vampire, before picking her up and hugging her.

"You're still human!" Charlie let out a chuckle which made the situation even stranger, it made her wonder how he had dealt with all this information, he seemed pretty calm about it now but how long had he been working himself up over the idea of his daughter being turned into something that isn't supposed to exist…

"Yep, yes…I am. Could you put me down though Seth." He grinned as he tossed her, yes tossed her onto the couch and ran out to grab his mom. Sue came in did a once over, like Seth and Charlie had done before glaring at her. It was an awkward couple of minutes before she pulled her off the couch to hug her. .

"I'm glad you're back but I will not let you hurt your father like that again, do you understand me?" Was she threatening her? It seemed like a threat but when she turned a round to see Seth rolling his eyes and Charlie smiling she wasn't really sure. Bella nodded her head, there was no way she'd say no to that, Sue was a mother of two shape shifters, one of them being Leah, of course that meant she was a no-bullshit mom, one she did not want to mess with.

"So are you going to be staying here then?" Seth asked her while Sue headed for the kitchen with Charlie right behind her. Did she want to live with her father and his wife? Not really, she had enough money saved up to rent a place if she had to and she hadn't checked yet but she was sure there was probably a ridiculous amount of money in her account from Edward, it was probably enough to buy her a house(or five) she shrugged her shoulders.

"If its okay with them I'd like to stay until I can find a place of my own." Seth nodded his head.

"I'm sure they'd be happy to have you around, your dad really missed you." Seth must have sensed the immense guilt she felt at his words, of course she knew it and she needed to hear it but it didn't make it sting any less.

"So what have you been up to? How was school. Mom said you were going to some University in Toronto when Charlie talked to you last. Did you finish?" Bella chuckled, Seth had grown up some in the last few years but he still seemed to be full of the same innocence that she remembered of him.

"I did finish, I skipped out on the graduation part but its done and I can officially teach grades kindergarten to sixth".

"Wow, I never imagined you as a teacher. I mean sure I'd seen Jakes fantasies about it at one time but as an actual teacher-." Bella's face went as red as a tomato, maybe Seth wasn't as innocent as she remembered, he was what, nineteen, twenty now? Of course he grew up, everyone did. He did have a point though, when she was forced to go to school she didn't give much thought to what she really wanted to do. Being a teacher was the very last on the list of things she wanted to be, especially when she had planned on becoming a vampire. That's probably why Edward had been so adamant about the idea, he knew it would work in his favour, probably change her mind, which it eventually did.

"So are you going to apply for a job at the school here in Forks?" Bella shrugged her shoulders again. Just because she could walk in and apply for a job, it didn't mean she was ready for it quite yet, although she had been working on a curriculum for a kindergarten class before the moment-of-truth-talk she had with Edward. Before he handed her the envelop stuffed with divorce papers, she really did want to be a teacher.

"I don't know yet." Charlie and Sue had stepped back into the room at this point. Sue had the largest smile on her face and Bella wasn't sure if she wanted to know what had put it there, Charlie had mussed up hair so, no she really didn't want to know.

"You should apply one of the teachers mrs Ramsay is retiring this year." Charlie looked at her before continuing. "She taught the grade three class." Bella looked at her dad like he was crazy, grade three? Well that was sort of terrifying to her. Sure being married to a vampire for almost five years didn't scare her but a class of eight and nine year olds, was scary.

"Yea I'll think about it." They let the subject drop and the rest of the day had gone by smoothly enough. There weren't any surprise visitors and she managed to get comfortable in her old room for the night.

The sound of her phone buzzing woke her up, she looked at the time and it was 6 in the morning. Grumbling to herself she picked it up.

"Hello?" Her voice was thick and she wanted nothing more than to throw the phone across the room.

"Bella, I just wanted to let you know that I've sent your application to the elementary school there. I hope you don't mind. They will probably be calling you sometime today to set up an interview. I also packed you an outfit for that too." Alice's voice had completely woken her up now. She sat up and looked around her old room before growling into the phone.

"You couldn't have waited like two more hours to call me?" Alice giggled in her ear and she sighed.

"Sorry I'm just waking up but thank you for doing that. I wasn't sure if I wanted to apply, I was, I am still thinking about it…how did you know?"

"I always know…even when I don't." That was cryptic. Bella thanked her again before hanging up. Now that she was awake she didn't really want to go back to sleep. It was raining out but Bella pulled out her things and got ready to go for a run. Seth was downstairs on the couch watching TV when she came down.

"What are you doing up so early?" He asked as he sat up to look at her, she must have looked strange to him, maybe it was the runners or something.

"I'm going for a run. Wanna come?" Seth tilted his head, he was probably wondering if she was serious, which she was. He nodded his head before getting up.

"Sure."

Seth kept pace with Bella and she wondered if it bothered him any to have to run so slow but he didn't seem to mind, he talked about school and girls and the pack, he talked about a lot of things before they made it back to the house.

"You know you're pretty fast for a human. When did you start running?" Bella laughed and had to think about it, after her and Edward moved to Toronto was when she started, she needed to be able to breathe without him always in her space so she went for runs.

"I guess about four years ago. It sort of makes me feel…alive." Seth looked at her funny before nodding his head. It was a weird thing for her to say and she realized it a moment later. It was strange for her to think about being alive, living and breathing. Why did she use those words? If she thought back to a couple of years ago, she'd probably remember the fear she felt when she thought about being changed, each year that went by made her more afraid to die…

Sue was still asleep when they came back, Bella decided take a shower and then to make her step mom breakfast, she was sure that Charlie hadn't learned to cook yet and Sue probably rarely got the chance to relax in the morning. Seth helped her, or kept her company, they were both laughing in the kitchen when Sue finally got up, she looked at the mountain of food and then at the two of them.

"You didn't have to make breakfast Bella, Seth has a big mouth to feed, it can be almost exhausting some mornings." Bella laughed at her teasing and he glared.

"Ha. Ha. Mother. Bella wasn't making breakfast for me, we were making breakfast for you." Seth was smiling his big huge smile at his mom, Sue laughed and thanked them both for cooking for her, she insisted that she at least get the dishes and Seth did not put up much of a fight. Bella helped her by drying and thought it was a good time to ask questions.

"How's Leah doing?" Sue smiled before handing her a plate to dry.

"She's good…engaged now." Bella smiled back, that was wonderful news. Leah had never liked Bella and she understood why, she was a contributing factor to all the things that went wrong in her life, of course she didn't like her. Plus Bella thought about herself and she knew that she was a selfish human being, she was surprised anyone had ever liked her at all, she wouldn't have liked someone like her.

"Wow, that's great. Does she still live around here?" Sue handed her a bowl before draining the sink.

"Yes, she lives in our old house on the Rez, she'll probably be coming this way when she has time this week." Bella nodded her head, she wanted to know who Leah was marrying but it probably wasn't her business. Sue sighed before looking at Bella.

"She's marrying Embry." Bella's eyes were probably bugging out of her head and she did her best to hide her surprise.

"Wow! That's great, I'm sure they'll both make each other very happy." Sue smiled, thinking about the happiness of her daughter Bella guessed. Leah deserved a happy ending more than anyone, well maybe as much as anyone else who wasn't her.

They were both quiet again and Bella wondered about Jacob, she had no right to think about him but she hoped he was happy. After all she put him through, he also deserved a happy ending. Bella was beginning to wonder if her step mom was a mind reader because she spoke before Bella could even work up the nerve to ask. It was probably obvious that she wanted to know by the way she'd been practically strangling the dishtowel.

"Jake imprinted." Her mouth fell open and she wasn't sure how she felt about that, of course she was happy for him imprinting would ensure he found his other half it would make sure that he found someone who deserved his love. It took some time to compose herself.

"That's great." Sue put a hand on her arm, a gesture to comfort her. Why was she breaking down anyway? Did she think Jacob would wait around forever for her? No, she didn't want him to either because she knew that she could never love him the way he had once loved her. Of course he deserved to be happy, she had already lost his friendship when she stopped calling him, all those years ago.

After they were finished cleaning Bella went to sit down, she needed time to think. Living back in Forks was going to take some getting used to again. A 22 year old divorcee, she was glad that she had learned a few things from being a selfish brat, she couldn't be mad at Edward for not wanting to kill her, that even sounded stupid when she thought about it. He wanted her to live because he couldn't and she pestered him until he was sick of her, pulled himself away and then made sure she was equally as sick of him as he was her. They became twisted so quickly that she couldn't remember the last time she had actually genuinely smiled at him, or the last time he made her breath hitch or her skin tingle.

After their one attempt of intimacy on their honeymoon Bella didn't even want to be touched by him or anyone again. It was obvious that he felt the same about her, she was angry with him treating her like she was so breakable but that's exactly what she was. The moment he entered her, she bled and cried and he ran, leaving her alone to clean up. It was a stupid idea and she apologized to him for pushing him into it and he apologized to her, it was all down hill from there.

Shuddering at the memory of his icy cold skin on her own Bella tried to think of something else, anything other than being a 22 year old woman who had been married to a statue for the past four years. What the hell was she thinking?

Bella did get a call from the school at ten that morning, she shouldn't have been surprised when they offered a job for September, Alice had probably forged some incredible reference letter or something, she accepted the offer and sent Alice a text to thank her. This was a time for change and she could only hope that everything would go smoothly from this point on…

**A/N: I am going to be making this PAUL/BELLA and things are going to take a while to get there, so if don't like a little bit of drama before you get a happy-ish ending, its probably best to stop here. **

**Also Bella's relationship with the Cullens will fade out.**

**Questions? **

**Comments…?**

**Thank you for reading **


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter two.

Another day, another doorstep. It had to be done and even if she wanted to be a coward and take the easy way out she knew that wouldn't make things better. The least she could do was knock on the door and apologize to Jake, she owed him that much. Bella stood there outside Billy's house, Charlie told her that Jake didn't live there anymore but he'd probably be over helping his sister Rachel. Before she could turn to run away, the door flew open and she was face to chest or maybe even face to abdomen with Jacob Black.

After a whole minute of him staring her down she managed to look up from her feet to his face.

"Um…I wanted to come and talk to you but I wasn't sure…" Awkward was definitely how she felt and also small. It looked like Jake had grown…again. "I'm sorry I didn't call and…" Bella felt incredibly uncomfortable under his glare and she wanted him to yell at her, scream, say anything. "I know I don't deserve your forgiveness but I truly am sorry for…everything." She took a deep breath and then turned to walk away, it was okay that he didn't want to talk to her, she shouldn't have expected it. Jake didn't follow her or call out for her to stop and every step she took made the pit in her stomach heavier and more painful.

It wasn't so bad, she had been a terrible friend to him and she completely understood, she just wished he would have responded, in any way, and that was selfish of her. The world didn't revolve around her. When Bella walked past the car she wasn't really thinking, she just kept walking, the air would help clear some of the insane thoughts spinning through her mind. Step after step she walked and didn't think about where she was going, where she wanted to be. This place still felt like home to her and even if Jake decided he didn't want to ever speak to her again she would have to apologize again and again, she also needed to talk to Billy and Sam and the pack, they had to know she was still human but it didn't mean she shouldn't say sorry. They were actually concerned about the situation, whether it was their community being in danger from a new born vampire or the long standing treaty being broken she could at least step up and let them know she shouldn't have put them through the trouble.

"So your leech husband didn't have the balls to turn you?" Jake asked from behind her, she shook her head.

"My _ex_ husband and I came to a mutual agreement that my life was worth something." Bella turned around to look at him and he didn't look upset, his calm was sort of unnerving.

"I can't believe you finally came to your senses…" He sounded like he was actually surprised by this, which didn't match the mask of indifference he seemed to be wearing.

"Well I'm trying." Jacob nodded his head and they stood there on the road quietly, she really wanted to ask him all about, well, everything but, where would she even begin?

"I have to get back to the house Rach is there by herself and Sierra is probably tearing everything apart." He chuckled at her expression, she was curious and she was fighting the urge to ask him the million questions that were going through her head.

"Sierra is Rachel and Paul's daughter, my niece." Bella nodded as he seemed to be thinking something through.

"Want to come and meet her? Amanda should be heading over and you can meet her too. I think you'll get along great…" Jake stopped himself and she noticed the blush that crept up on his copper skin, followed by a smile that stretched from ear to ear, it might have been scary if she didn't know he was so happy, he was obviously completely in love with this woman.

"Are you sure that'll be okay, I mean I don't want to be a bother." Bella had to give herself a mental eye roll for her choice of words. Jake nodded his head and started walking, when she didn't follow he turned around to look at her.

"Well then?" She hesitated, it was going to be weird but she thought it best to get it over with so she hurried to catch up with him. They didn't say much to each other on the way back to Billy's, Bella wanted to ask him about Amanda and how they met and basically she wanted every detail he was willing to give her but she didn't pry, she had to be glad he was even willing to talk to her at all, that was enough.

Rachel was sitting down on the couch watching some kids show with her daughter. Bella smiled and waved to her as she walked in the door. The little girl looked up and smiled at Bella before burying her face under her moms hair, something about this little girl just made her feel lighter.

"Hey princess this is uncle Jake's friend Bella, why don't you say hi." Sierra poked her tiny head out from the curtain of hair and said hello. Rachel laughed and then looked at Bella, her smile was friendly, a real genuine smile and she reminded her a lot of Emily in that moment. Jacob was picking up toys like a mad man and Bella noticed that Rachel was pregnant when she stood up to try and help her brother.

"I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to be up and moving around. I can handle picking up a few toys Rach." She glared at her brother before carefully sitting back down on the couch, she looked very pregnant, like she'd pop any minute.

"I can move around Jay-cub and you're not here to babysit me remember?" Bella sat down on the floor beside the little girl and started playing while Jake and Rachel argued. It was about a half an hour later when Amanda showed up and Bella stood rather awkwardly to the side while Jake practically tore her lips off with his own.

"Amanda this is Bella, she's an old friend." Did it have to be this easy to be his friend again? Bella smiled and extended her hand. The woman was very pretty and very tall. It was sort of intimidating to be standing next to her and Jake.

"Nice to meet you." Amanda smiled at her and nodded.

"Its nice to meet you too Bella. I've heard a lot about you…" Bella's eyes widened and she wasn't sure what that meant. It wasn't like she left on the greatest note, and she hadn't talked to anyone for years, whatever was said about her couldn't be good. Amanda chuckled before patting her arm.

"All good things I promise." Bella smiled, though she was sure it was not a very convincing one because Amanda started trying to reassure her.

"Charlie said you were going to school in Toronto? He's very proud of you." Bella faked another smile, every time someone mentioned Charlie the weight of the guilt she carried around seemed to get heavier.

"Yea I finished up in April, I wasn't planning on staying here but I sort of got offered a job." Rachel and Amanda didn't seem to be very surprised but Jake was, he had an eyebrow raised and she realized he probably had no idea what she was up to while she was gone, Charlie might have been proud but he was also worried and they probably all assumed she was just going to school to kill time while she waited to be turned into a vampire, which was true at first but she did love it and it was something she was proud of herself for completing.

"Oh so you're going to be teaching at the elementary school then?" Again Jake looked shocked and Bella simply nodded, Amanda had obviously been paying attention when Charlie talked, of course she didn't know Bella before, she didn't have a reason to tune out her name when it was spoken like everyone else.

"Yea, a grade three class, it should be_ interesting_." If interesting meant scary and insane. Amanda smiled and laughed a bit to herself before nodding in understanding.

"I work with a special needs child here in La Push, he's great, amazing actually, he's in grade 4 this year, the kids aren't so bad at that age." Bella smiled at this obviously perfect woman in front of her. There was probably nothing she couldn't do.

"Wow. Yea I've had some experience with the younger kids and sort of fell in love with the class I worked with…" Kids she'd never see again. Bella sighed and forgot where she was for a moment. Amanda gave her a sympathetic smile, of course.

Not wanting to wear out her welcome Bella decided it was time to head back to Charlie's, besides she figured she'd probably have to start looking for a place soon and although it was nice to see Jake, it started to get uncomfortable when he couldn't keep his hands off Amanda, Bella wasn't jealous, or at least she didn't think she was, it just made her feel awkward and if Paul walked in and got all handsy with Rachel it would be even more awkward.

"I'm going to head back to Charlie's now." With a promise to come visit again soon she was out the door, just in time to run into Paul. He glared at her and she was ready to dodge any bullets he had coming her way but he looked back at the house and held his tongue…

"Welcome back leech lover." Well he mostly held his tongue. That wasn't the worst thing he'd ever called her. Bella gave him a weak "thank you" and left to go back to Charlie's.

Dinner was awkward and that was partly because she was seated across from Leah Clearwater and partly because her father was grilling her about her visit with Jake and it was also because Bella was starting to think Seth had a crush on her. If she didn't catch him staring at her she might have brushed it off but this had become sort of uncomfortable. When Leah kicked him in the leg and glared at her from across the table Bella decided it was probably best to go to bed, even if it was only 7:30.

It was four in the morning when Bella woke up with Jake in her room.

"What the hell Jake!" Bella whisper yelled. Jake only smiled and sat down on the chair in the corner.

"I just wanted to come and talk to you for a few minutes." Was he crazy? Sure she had middle of the night visits from him in the past but they were old enough now to use the door and have conversations during day time hours…weren't they?

"This couldn't wait until tomorrow?" Jake rolled his eyes and then carried on like climbing into people's windows in the middle of the night was so completely normal for him.

"I'm glad you're okay and I'm not mad at you. Or at least I don't think I am, it could be the imprint thing though, she's all I think about sometimes so its hard for me to remember much else, you know?" Bella nodded her head, she didn't know though. It wasn't really something she could understand, the whole imprint phenomenon was something she didn't understand amongst other things, things such as well, anything that involved vampires or werewolves.

"So you're not sure if you're mad at me or not because of the imprint?" Bella had to make sure she cleared this up, he probably should be mad, would be mad if he didn't have an imprint, so maybe imprinting wasn't the worst thing in the world.

"I don't know. I was a little surprised to see you alive and then hear you're divorced and moving back to Forks but I cant find it in me to really be mad. Its not like I don't care, I just don't care as much as I used to I guess." Bella chuckled it should hurt her pride or feelings or something but honestly it didn't.

"Well anyway I just came to tell you that, I gotta get over to the house, Paul asked me to take over the Rachel-watch for the morning, you should come by later, dad hasn't seen you yet and I'm sure he has a few words for you." She smiled and nodded, she didn't want to ask why Rachel needed to be watched, she assumed it had to do with her pregnancy and it wasn't her business, so it was better to just stay out of it.

"Sure. And I really am sorry Jake and I'm…" she looked down at her hands. "I'm glad you found someone, she's perfect." It was the truth, she was happy for him and Amanda was perfect but part of her still felt jealous and it was going to eat her alive, there was some part of her that was overly possessive, or protective of him and she had to let that go, she had no right to feel that way. Jake's smile was blinding, even in the dark when she mentioned his imprint, at least he was happy, she knew he deserved to be happy.

"Yea she really is, isn't she?" It was a few moments before Jake snapped out of his Amanda-trance. "Well I'd better go. So make sure you come by later, or whenever." Bella nodded and then Jake was gone.

There was no way Bella could go back to sleep after that, she tried and she was going to have to start locking that damn window. Going back to Forks was something she was afraid of, having to face everyone she turned her back on but now she was back and it wasn't as bad as she was expecting it to be but she had to be honest with herself, it was only the beginning and there were bound to be some bumps along the way.

**A/N: I know it seems like Jake let her off too easy here, I'm aware of that and I'll tell you right now it's most likely not going to last.(it wont)**

**And I am trying to press out chapters here while I have the time, the updates probably wont come so close together but I'll try.**

**Thank you for reading :)**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter three

Two to three times a day Bella drove around Forks for no other reason than getting out of the house, she felt a little trapped, even if she knew she wasn't. Perhaps it was just the flood of memories she seemed to have from being back in the place where she met Edward and the rest of the Cullen's. One morning she woke up to a knock at the door, her car was sitting outside and the delivery guy/tow truck driver was standing there with an envelope and a clipboard for her to sign, he handed her keys and with a 'have a nice day' he was gone.

It was official, the divorce was final and Edward had given her their old house, both his and her cars and deposited a lot of money into her account. Nothing about it felt real to her and she tried desperately to remember why it was that she loved him and why he loved her, if he knew her at all he wouldn't have written everything off into her name, wouldn't have made her feel awkward about having this absurd amount of money and he wouldn't have done so in a legal document signed by an attorney, it was all very formal and she hated it.

They could have talked about it, couldn't they? Bella was sitting on the side of the road in her indestructible hunk of metal of a car, the same car she let him buy for her before they were married. It was supposed to be safe and she looked around at the interior, everything was so perfect and even after having it for four and a half years she still felt like it wasn't hers. Sure it was safe but so were a lot of other cars and that didn't mean she wasn't going to eventually find a way to hurt herself or someone else in it. At some point she planned on selling it, no point in keeping something that she really didn't like all that much anyway.

The drive was silent as it always was giving her time to think about her failed marriage, it wasn't the worst thing in the world to be single but it was sort of strange. Did she want a relationship again? At some point, when she was ready for one, with an actual human being of course, life should be simple and marriages should be normal, there should be sex and laying in bed together doing absolutely nothing, there should be fights, doors slamming, yelling and make up sex. Bella was basically a virgin still and she had every intention of at least having a little fun before she decided to settle down again, it wasn't like she was born in the 19th century, she could have casual relationships, one night stands if she wanted and maybe she did want that.

The lights were on when she walked into her dad's house, Seth was passed out on the couch and she knew he was probably extra tired from running everyone else's patrols, which she didn't quite understand, there weren't any vampires around anymore so did they really need to patrol still?

As quietly as she could Bella attempted to walk to the kitchen without tripping or knocking anything over, she still seemed to have moments of extreme clumsiness. Of course she managed to trip over nothing and her efforts to be stealthy were once again unsuccessful, Seth woke up anyway.

"Just getting back?" He asked through a yawn. Bella nodded and tried to wave him back to sleep but he ignored her and followed her into the kitchen.

If she felt awkward around him before, she felt it even more so now or at least when they were alone. After voicing her concerns with what she believed was a crush he had on her, she always felt incredibly embarrassed when he was around. He laughed when she explained to him that it was very inappropriate for him to stare at her the way he did, since they were step siblings, when she was finally done speaking he told her that he knew that already and she wasn't really his type, he liked girls his own age and with a little colour, the reason he watched her so intently was because it fascinated him to no end that she had been married to a vampire and was still alive. There were always questions in his eyes and she should be glad he wasn't asking them all but he still was curious and the questions would probably all come eventually.

Feeling like an idiot for thinking he had a crush on her she usually tried to avoid him, he thankfully didn't bring it up but she knew that when they were alone sometimes and he would giggle to himself that he was most likely reliving her humiliation, she was just glad he kept his promise not tor bring it up to her or anyone else again but it didn't mean that he wouldn't tease her about it when he had the chance and he often had chances.

"Oh yea, mom said that Amanda's throwing a baby shower for Rachel and that you're invited and…" He stopped to pick at a piece of bread he had started eating before continuing. "and its going to be over at Sam and Emily's so…" Bella sighed, nodding her head. She knew she was going to have to talk to Sam eventually, to everyone else in the pack and she was sort of being a coward about it all. They didn't even have to let her onto their land but they did and she didn't even have the decency to tell them she was grateful for that.

"Yea I should probably go talk to them, I know." Seth nodded and started eating whatever else he had found in the cupboards.

"Its not like they're mad or anything. Sam isn't. The only person who was mad was Jake and he's over it. And you're not a leech so its not that big of a deal. You should at least let them know you're sticking around…you know. In case the Cullen's decide to check in on you or something, I'm sure he'd probably like to know that." Bella forced a smile and nodded. The chances of any of the Cullen's coming back to Forks were probably very slim, she liked it that way and she was positive that they felt the same.

"Yea I'll go over and talk to him tomorrow, or whenever he's not too busy." Seth laughed.

"Sam's always busy, the guy has twins to run around after, you'll probably be giving him a breather." Bella smiled at the thought of Sam the alpha wolf running around after his twin boys as Emily watched on with her flour covered apron in place. All the people who had taken her in and helped take care of her when she had fallen apart all those years ago after Edward left her, they were all grown up with their own lives, with their own families and she didn't even have the courtesy to drop in and say-

_"hey guys I'm back, sorry I ran off with the hopes of becoming your mortal enemy, even if it would have forced you to kill me. Sorry I let you all believe I was breaking your treaty and I never bothered to tell you that I'd changed my mind a few years ago. Sorry I probably I made you all worry about your families and imprints and every one else and that I didn't think about anyone but myself."_

Bella had trouble sleeping that night, Seth said they weren't upset but that didn't make her feel any less guilty, Leah still seemed bothered by her presence and who's to say that they wouldn't all feel uncomfortable with her around. Being the danger magnet she was, she wouldn't be surprised if some crazy vampire sniffed her out and tried to kill her, forcing the pack to protect her…again.

When the light finally shone through her curtain Bella got up and showered, having only slept a few hours she didn't want to waste any more time thinking, it wasn't really doing her any good and it would probably turn her brain to mush if she continued on with it.

After breakfast she got up and forced herself out of the house, she drove to La Push in her stupid shiny safe car and pulled up to Sam and Emily's house. There were two little boys sitting on the front steps and she smiled and waved at them. They looked at each other before shyly waving back. Sam was out a moment later, he gave her a strange look, one she recognized from everyone else who had probably been expecting her to be stone cold, red eyed, Bella.

"Do you have a couple minutes? I just wanted to talk to you about some things." Bella stood there awkwardly, he nodded and waved her into the house. Emily was sitting at the table over what looked like a binder, writing things down, she looked up and gave Bella a wide smile.

"Hi Bella." She closed the binder and got up to give Bella small hug, it shouldn't have surprised her but it did. After not seeing her in so many years she hugged her back and felt ridiculous for wanting to cry, these emotions seemed to be uncontrollable to her. Emily being the intuitive woman she was grabbed her a box of Kleenex and let her have a moment.

"Oh god. I'm sorry, its just been so long and I just…" Bella's voice faltered a little as she looked between Sam and Emily, both seemed so understanding. "I feel terrible for hurting Charlie and Jake and…everyone the way I did. I know you didn't have to agree to anything and you did Sam and I wished I'd thanked you then. You shouldn't have had to make that decision and I apologize." She sighed and bowed her head. Why was she crying? It was supposed to be a calm discussion about her return and she was supposed to beg for forgiveness and here she was looking like a victim, once again.

"I changed my mind a couple years ago and I should have called to tell someone and I didn't. I didn't think my choice was going to affect anyone but me and that was stupid of me. I was too caught up and Edward did everything he could to convince me it was the wrong choice, when I finally realized he was right…I was caught up in school and trying to make everything else work and I just wasn't thinking of any one else." she finally looked up before speaking again. "I wanted to let you know that they wont be coming back. They've even had the house torn down, they're not coming back."

After what seemed like years rather than minutes Sam finally spoke.

"Jake and I both knew that it was your choice, we all knew that, even if we didn't agree with it. I don't think I've ever been worried about the Cullen's returning, after all these years we've sort of figured out that…" Sam stopped and smiled. "…well we've sort of realized that they're not really a threat and they never have been. Jacob might have been angry with them for 'taking you away from him' but at some point, probably after he imprinted, he was okay with it. It didn't seem so bad after that." Bella stood there trying to absorb everything he said. They obviously weren't upset with her and they really believed that letting her make her own decision was what was best? She looked at Sam and it struck her…he already knew. There was no doubt that he had everything figured out, probably before she did and maybe everyone knew it, everyone but Jake and Charlie that is. Sam gave her a nod.

"I think we sort of all understand the importance of choices after we had ours taken from us. Its not always a bad thing but the Cullen's didn't have the choice and I sort of figured that they didn't want you to make a choice that none of them would have made for themselves." It did make sense and she couldn't deny that. Edward was so tortured and being alone, or without a 'mate' wasn't the problem. It was something he didn't like being, didn't want her to be and of course he had his mind made up the whole time, he just waited for her to come to her senses…

"Wow, well…I'm still sorry. I know I was always a pain in the ass." Sam laughed and Emily smiled at Bella, she looked at both of them and noticed that he was a lot more relaxed looking, it was probably what he looked like before he phased, before everything in his life was twisted into a crazy mess that he had to clean up on his own. Emily was still bubbly but she looked a little more guarded and Bella could only assume it was because she was a mother, there was just something different about her.

"Well, I wouldn't say always but you had your moments." Said Sam, he had a big playful smile plastered on his face and he looked about ten years younger, it was really nice and it made Bella smile back. After being introduced to their three and a half year old twins Mason and Chad, Bella had a chance to catch up a little bit with Emily. It was sort of strange for her to talk to someone who didn't give her the 'I-told-you-so' look when she told her about the divorce. It didn't look to surprise her but she listened and that was more than she had to do, more than anyone had to do for her.

Bella drove over to Billy's to pop in and say hello, Jake wasn't there but Amanda was. The more time she spent with the woman, the more she liked her. It was impossible to not like her, and Bella gave that up as soon as she realized she was being ridiculous. Sierra was there to greet her almost immediately after she walked in the door and Rachel was sitting on the floor looking extremely uncomfortable.

There were complications with her pregnancy and she had been on bed rest for a few weeks before Bella showed up, she was bored and restless but she didn't complain, the health of her baby was too important and she didn't want to risk it, so she didn't leave the house unless she had to and she did very little when it came to physical activity. It was the reason she, Paul and their daughter had moved over to Billy's, well that and Paul was fixing up their house. Amanda was always over at Billy's when she wasn't working or visiting her own family, it was obvious just how close the two women had become.

"Bella. I drawed papa see?" Sierra held up a piece of paper with squiggly pink lines and blue circles, her tiny hand clutched a yellow crayon while she beamed over her masterpiece. Bella smiled and sat down beside her and Rachel on the floor.

"Oh my, that's a lovely picture, I'm sure your papa's going to love it." Sierra nodded her head and went straight back to drawing more pictures. Rachel watched her daughter and Bella noted just how proud she looked, it was the same look Emily had for her sons, they were married to, imprinted on by protectors but in their own right they were protectors, they would always be when it came to their children.

"Did you want some coffee, tea, juice, water?" Amanda had poked her head from the kitchen to ask her, Bella shook her head.

"I'm good thanks." They continued to watch Sierra draw while Amanda tidied or cooked in the kitchen. It felt comfortable at Billy's, a second home and Bella never imagined it would work out this way but she was glad it did. The little girl colouring in front of her made her realize just how much she was planning to give up. Children, weren't a part of her plan at first but she wasn't so sure anymore...

Bella didn't stay too long after that, she had enough to just call it a day and headed back to Charlie's. It was obvious that she couldn't live there forever, she would go insane and she's pretty sure Sue would as well. There was enough money in her account to buy a house or ten but she didn't want everyone to know that business, they already knew she was a divorcee and who she had been married to. There were moments when she wondered how no one figured out all the secrets in the small town, they must have at least sensed that something was off.

Sue was leaving as Bella pulled up to the house, she gave her a wave as she pulled out of the driveway. The door was unlocked and Charlie was sitting there watching some crime drama when Bella walked in.

"Hey Bells." He smiled and raised his beer, she wondered why he always did that, greeted her with a 'cheers'. "There's soup on, and biscuits in the oven." She nodded and went to flop down on the couch, she would eat later. The volume on the TV was loud, as it always was when Charlie watched it, but she learned that it was best not to complain, it wasn't like she paid the bills and honestly it wasn't that big of a deal, as long as there wasn't an annoying sports commentators voice blasting athletes she knew nothing about, she wasn't all that bothered by it.

After eating and cleaning up after herself Bella was off to bed. There she stared at the ceiling above her bed, listening to the rain that had started to fall outside her window, she used to hate it but at some point it became calming, it became something comforting. The rain seemed to become heavier and she couldn't think about much else, there was this awful feeling that came over her the louder it got. Intuition wasn't something she believed in, probably because she didn't have much sense to begin with, but something definitely did not feel right. The night was restless and when she finally went to sleep it was with a heavy sinking feeling that something bad was about to happen.

**a/n: Alright sorry the update's are slow. Priorities and whatever but I'm going to try to get the next chapter out as quickly as I can.**

**Thank you for reading :)**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter four.

It was as if the world had been flipped completely on its side and it just didn't seem fair. There was no one in the house when Bella woke up. Seth was probably still on patrol, Sue must have been just getting off her late shift and Charlie left for work before the sun was up, that was all normal but the blinking light on the phone didn't seem normal. There were five new messages and all of them were explaining the condition of Rachel after she was brought to the hospital. Bella tried to call Sue, tried to call Jacob, tried to call anyone but no one seemed to be answering their phone's she assumed they were all at the hospital and she wasn't sure if it was a good idea for her to show up.

Not wanting to waste time, she got dressed and threw her hair up and decided to check in, just to make sure everything was okay. It wouldn't matter if it wasn't, she realized that if things were bad there wasn't a thing she could do about it. The roads were wet, the clouds were thick and seemed to be blocking out as much light as possible and the rain didn't want to let up. There weren't a lot of cars on the road and she drove as quickly and as carefully as she could, just glad to reach the hospital in one piece, not that the expensive car which was likely missile proof would allow anything less.

The smell of the hospital was enough to make her want to vomit, as many times as she'd been there she never could get used to it. There was a waiting area and she found Amanda holding a sleeping Sierra in her lap. Sam and Emily were there too, their kids must have been at home still. Bella looked around at everyone's faces and noticed that most of them had been crying and she approached quietly, carefully. Amanda was the first to notice her.

"Jake's in there with Billy…" She looked down at the sleeping child in her arms before whispering. "She lost the baby." It was obviously difficult for her to speak and Bella nodded her head, she took a seat beside Amanda. Feeling completely numb and unsure of what to say she sat there silently, hoping that Rachel would be okay. Of course this was devastating and even if she was physically okay, it would be a long time before she'd really be okay.

After about an hour of sitting there in mostly silence Jake came down a long hallway pushing a sobbing Billy. Bella looked between the two of them and couldn't even think of something reassuring to say, there was nothing. Amanda handed Sierra over to Emily and went to comfort Jake, Sam stood and went to kneel beside Billy. It seemed like time stopped and this moment of complete sadness was going to last forever, the lump in Bella's throat seemed to be caught and it was beginning to hurt, she refused to swallow.

Billy finally looked around the room and shook his head sadly.

"They're doing everything they can to keep her alive but she's lost a lot of blood and the doctor said its not looking too good." A sob broke out from Emily's lips and she held the little girl who was now awake and looking at everyone, clearly confused. Bella tried to rein in the emotions she felt, how could this be happening? Sierra noticed her grandpa and uncle crying and she tilted her head and squirmed from Emily's lap.

"Where's mama?" Billy picked her up and hugged her to himself, Bella couldn't imagine what he was feeling. He knew what it was like to see his own children lose their mother and now he might have to see his granddaughter lose her mother, his daughter.

"Mommy's still sleeping." Sierra placed her small hand on her grandpa's face and smiled and nodded. There was something so grown up about her, she was only three and she was the one doing the comforting. Perhaps she didn't quite understand why everyone was crying but she knew that she wanted to help make it better, this created an uncomfortable knot that settled inside Bella.

It was another silent hour before Paul came out of the room and reached for his daughter, he didn't look at anyone else but he brought her back to where her mother was. For a minute Bella wanted to hope that Rachel woke up and was asking for her daughter but looking at everyone's faces, she knew that wasn't the case. The rest of the pack showed up and Bella watched as everyone comforted each other, she felt like an outside and thought it would be best for her to leave. It was Sam who stopped her before she could reach the doors.

"Jake, Billy, Paul and Sierra are going to need everyone." She nodded her head and sat back down. Leah was sitting in Embry's lap curled up which should have looked strange or awkward considering how tall she was but she seemed to fit perfectly. Kim was sitting beside Jared, holding his hand and Bella noticed that she was pregnant herself, she looked up at Bella and gave her a sad smile before placing her hand on her small bump.

At some point Paul came back out, his eyes were red and his bottom lip was trembling, he was holding onto his daughter like a lifeline and that's exactly what she was. He sat down and Sierra clung to him, her little body was shaking and Bella felt absolutely sick to her stomach. It took a few minutes before he looked up at Billy and shook his head, he didn't need to say it, they all knew that meant Rachel wasn't okay, that she didn't make it and that knot in Bella's stomach seemed to be expanding, anchoring her to her spot in that hospital.

In her life she hadn't ever really lost anyone, her grandma, Charlie's mom died when she was ten but she couldn't remember her, and she was much older, it was sad, she remembered her dad crying and her mom dressing her up but she didn't remember it feeling like this. A funeral for both Rachel and her baby were being arranged and Bella watched as Paul clung to his daughter, she was always in his arms are gripping his hand and it made her sad to see them holding onto each other like they were all each other had left, which was in many ways true. Of course they had family, support but losing Rachel was taking a piece of each of them.

The legends said that an imprint dying would kill her mate, the wolf would die without her but Paul was still kicking and everyone knew that it was because of his daughter. Bella walked into Billy's and looked around, Sierra was on the floor in Paul's lap colouring pictures. No one else seemed to be around and she wasn't sure she wanted to stick around and invade their space.

"Jake and Amanda took Billy to the church, they should be back soon." Bella nodded and waited by the door, she wasn't sure if she should just leave and come back. Paul noticed her hesitation. "You can come in." So she did and she sat on the couch across from them, Sierra noticed her and gave her a tiny smile. There was so much she wanted to say but what good would it do her? Telling him she was sorry about his loss wouldn't bring his wife back, it wasn't going to make him feel any better and she was sure he was probably tired of hearing it.

"Wow, that's beautiful, is it a butterfly?" Bella was watching Sierra, she had been concentrating in a way that made her little face scrunch up. When she looked up again she nodded her head. "Its for mama." Bella nodded her head and gave Paul a sympathetic smile before turning her attention back to Sierra. "It's perfect." Sierra smiled again and nodded before she finished and handed the picture over to her dad, Bella watched him as he studied it.

"I'll put it away and we can make sure she gets it before she goes to heaven." If there was ever a moment to remain calm this was it. The swelling in her chest was impossible to ignore. Sierra seemed to be okay with this and she climbed off her dads lap and got up to put her crayons away, Paul sat there quietly and stared down at the picture. Not sure what to say Bella remained quiet and forced herself to concentrate on anything but the man in front of her, when he finally stood up to put the picture on a shelf she wiped at her face hoped that she could at least compose herself. It didn't go unnoticed.

"What's wrong?" Sierra asked her. Bella shook her head and sniffled before smiling at the little girl.

"Oh, nothing. I'm just being silly." Sierra got up and walked over to Bella, she patted her arm before looking over at her dad.

"Wanna watch Nemo?" Bella was trying to remember which movie that was, Paul shook his head. "Nemo's at Uncle Jared's house baby." Sierra pouted and grabbed a DVD, she handed The Little Mermaid to Bella and asked her to watch it, Bella looked to Paul before answering, he nodded.

It was halfway through the movie before Billy, Jake and Amanda returned. Sierra jumped into her uncles arms, he looked so much older and they all looked so tired. Bella stayed and helped Amanda make dinner, she noticed that there was a lot less food than usual and as they sat down to eat, no one was really eating very much except for Sierra, when she noticed she picked up her own spoon and started trying to feed her dad before turning around and ordering everyone else to eat. The mood had lightened a bit and they started talking about Amanda's day at work and Billy's run in with Old Quil, they did their best to distract themselves.

Bella left, driving back to Charlie's she did her best to concentrate on the road ahead of her but she was so overwhelmed with emotion she had to pull over. Sierra lost her mother and she was only three years old. Who was going to braid her hair and teach her about boys and make up? Who was going to teach her to love herself and tell her she was beautiful when she needed to hear it? Who was going to make sure she was okay at the end of every day?

Bella remembered her own life, her mother might have been a little flaky but she was always there and she had taken her for granted. Billy might have two children left but that didn't mean it wasn't tearing him apart inside to have to bury his child, to know that his other children were hurting over the loss of their sister.

The most painful to think about was Paul, she couldn't imagine having to lose someone she loved, at one point it killed her to think about losing Edward and she knew that there was no way she could even begin to compare that to what he was experiencing. Whatever he had been going through was put on the back burner to take care of his daughter and he would probably never be the same. Bella wiped at her face angrily, not wanting to think about what would happen if Paul did unravel. He was strong but no one was that strong and there had to be a breaking point. After she was sure she could drive she drove back to Charlie's. Her own father had been even more affectionate with her, hugging her every time she walked through the door and constantly telling her he loved her. It was probably his own fear of losing her. Bella hugged him back and told him that she loved him too. That was all she could do to reassure him that she wasn't going anywhere, not by choice anyway.

Two caskets were arranged at the front of a church, one was small, so small Bella could have picked it up, of course she wouldn't. The baby had been still born, hadn't even taken his first breath, the small box which held Rachel and Paul's son was shut and she wondered if he looked like his sister, the same brown eyes and black hair. Bella looked to the other casket and felt the air being sucked from her lungs, Rachel's eyes were closed, her lashes were long dark and Bella noticed that the beautiful copper tone of her skin was gone. This was not the same woman she had seen playing with her daughter, laughing at her brother or smiling brightly at her husband. There were tears falling down her face as she stood there, unable to move, Sue grabbed her hand and walked her over to her seat.

Nothing about this was fair, the men in the front row had their heads bowed and Bella could see the slumped shoulders of Paul trembling. In his lap was his daughter, she hadn't taken her eyes off her mother's casket once since she arrived. What did a three year old understand about this? Before they shut the lid, Sierra looked at her dad and he nodded, he picked her up and hesitantly took the few short steps toward Rachel's body, Sierra placed a piece of paper on her mothers chest and Bella could hear the sniffles and hiccupped cries around her. They stood there for a moment before Paul brushed her face and then turned around to take his seat again. They were quiet while members of the pack took a handle on each box, leaving the church. It was a quiet moment before the little girl finally started to wail, calling after her mom. Bella took shallow breath's trying to force away the sobs she could feel coming.

Everyone cleared the small church and Bella sat there, staring at nothing in particular. Jake was the one who came in and sat beside her.

"I'm sorry Jake. I know it doesn't help but I'm so sorry." He nodded his head and she hugged him, their sister Rebecca had come back for the funeral and she had been distant from everyone, especially her father and brother. They sat there another moment before he pulled her up and walked out to follow everyone, the cemetery was surprisingly large and Bella took her time walking over to where her dad and step mom were. By the time they lowered both bodies into the ground Bella had successfully disconnected her mind from her body, she felt numb and moved when everyone else did.

The next few days weren't any better and she felt like she had spiralled downwards. The memory of Sierra's crying for her mom were playing in a loop, she could hear it as she lay in bed, as she sat in her car and every time the space around her became silent. Bella finally picked her self up and went over to Billy's, she found out that Paul had moved his and Sierra's things back to their own house, Rebecca had left the day after the funeral and Jake was staying with his dad until he felt he was okay to be by himself again. The house was quiet and looked strange without all of Sierra's toys.

Billy was sitting there quietly reading a paper when she walked in. He gave her a half hearted smile.

"Jake's gone, he had some thing he needed to take care of." Bella nodded her head but sat down anyway.

"I know, I just wanted to come visit you." He looked up at her and tilted his head, clearly he didn't believe her and she couldn't blame him. "I actually wanted to know if you wanted to take a drive with me…I'm going to trade in my car and thought you could help me pick out something a little less _ostentatious." _She cringed a bit when she thought of her car it was like a constant reminder of the fragile human she was, Billy looked at her strangely before shaking his head.

"I don't think I'd be the best person to help you find a car, I mean you might end up with a beater if you take me along." Bella laughed and shrugged.

"Its okay. I'm sure if I go alone I'll end up with a motorcycle or something and my dad probably wouldn't be too happy with that." Billy chuckled before putting down his paper.

"Alright. Lets go then." Bella helped him into the car before she put his chair in the back. Just as they were pulling out, Paul and Sierra were showing up. Paul gave her a strange look before looking at Billy, he didn't need to ask but the question was there.

"Bella's taking me for a ride wanna come along?" Sierra's eyes got wide and she nodded her head before Paul raised an eyebrow.

"Where?" Billy shrugged and looked at Bella.

"I think maybe Seattle, or PA, I'm not sure yet." Paul looked at both of them like they were crazy.

"Uh, no. We'll just stay here." Sierra pouted at her dad and grandpa. Bella not wanting to make him uncomfortable looked at Sierra.

"Maybe another time we can take a drive." Her tiny shoulders slumped and Paul rolled his eyes. "We cant go anywhere without a car seat." Billy smirked at his granddaughter and pointed towards the house. "There's one inside, its in the hall closet." Paul opened Billy's door and placed Sierra on his lap while running inside to grab the car seat. Bella hadn't planned for this but if she thought maybe it would do them some good to get off the Rez for a while.

Once they were settled in the back Paul stiffened in his seat, Bella gave him an apologetic look, he could probably smell whatever scent Edward had left behind.

"I'm trading the car in so if you can handle the smell until we get there..." He nodded and rolled down his window. They didn't say very much to each other, Bella drove and listened as Sierra asked her dad and grandpa questions about the houses and cars they passed. Bella felt oddly comfortable with the three of them around.

**A/N: I hope this doesn't make anyone hate me. Its terrible I know and it will take time for anything to happen...just so you know. **

**Thank you for reading/reviewing/adding to story alert/fave. Your thoughts are appreciated :)**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter five

Waking up next to a stranger in a less than clean hotel room was probably not the best way to deal with her problems but Bella just didn't care. Most of the stress didn't even belong to her but somewhere over the last few weeks she started to fall apart. It might have had to do with Jake completely avoiding her and Edward sending her an email about his mothers ring. Weird, but she agreed, it did belong to his human mother and it obviously meant a lot to him, she handed it over to a courier he had sent and that was it. It wasn't really that simple, everything she had left from that marriage from those few years was divided and he had given her everything he didn't find worth keeping, it was sort of toying with her already insecure state of mind.

There was also Sierra, the little girl who Bella had the strangest urge to protect, she had a lot of people to take care of her and Amanda and Emily had done a wonderful job stepping in to do all the things that Paul, Billy or Jake couldn't. One day after visiting the little girl, Bella was going home Sierra cried for her to stay with her at her grandpa's house, when she grabbed onto her leg and wouldn't let go, she knew she couldn't say no. It didn't take her long to fall asleep and she tried to sneak out after, of course Sierra was too smart and clung to her until she eventually fell asleep. It was about then that Jake stopped talking to her, about then that Billy would look at her strangely, it was then that she realized she probably needed to step away for a bit.

Bella looked over at the strange man in the bed, she was still thankfully dressed and so was the man, she didn't really look at his face but she got up and walked into the bathroom to get sick and clean herself up. Not remembering how she got here or where here even was made her head pound. A knock on the door made her jump and she turned the knob slowly, afraid of who she'd find on the other side. The door opened and she looked at the man, his blonde shaggy hair was half standing up and half matted, he had familiar blue eyes and it quickly hit her, he smiled and motioned to the toilet. Mike, the guy who had followed her around like a puppy in high school was standing in front of her, she woke up next to Mike Newton…

She sat down on the bed trying to remember anything from last night, at least she didn't wake up naked and she didn't feel sore, her head felt like it was going to explode and it honestly hurt to think, Mike walked out of the bathroom and looked at her.

"What the hell happened last night?" Bella's voice was thick and she sounded like she inhaled a pack of cigarettes or three. Mike, looked entirely too amused as he flopped down on the bed beside her.

"I don't know, I was there with a few friends and I ran into you, I know we had shots, lots of shots and you puked on my shoes…" Bella shook her head, this was probably the strangest thing she had ever done, not quite the most humiliating but strange enough to be embarrassing. What the hell was she doing in this obvious hole of a room and with a guy she knew from high school?

"Sorry. I don't drink very often…" Mike laughed and ran his hands through his hair. "…I'll get you a new pair of shoes." He smiled and shook his head.

"You kept saying that last night and I'm pretty sure I told you that it was fine, not to worry about it. I remember you bought a lot of alcohol, you must have spent a few hundred at the bar. You said…" He stopped, obviously trying to remember something. "…you said something about this being your divorce party…or something." Bella laughed, she would say something like that. God she felt ridiculous, and what the hell were the chances of running into someone from high school in Seattle, she hadn't kept in contact with anyone and she suddenly wanted to know how everyone else was, maybe not at that precise moment but sometime in the near future she would have to find out.

"I hope I didn't cause too much trouble." Mike smiled and the familiarity of it was sort of comforting in a life's-fucked-up-way. "Nope. No trouble at all." He looked around the room and she was still trying to remember anything after leaving her hotel, that's where she started drinking, what a terrible idea that was…

"We didn't…?" Waking up with all her clothes on didn't mean shit, she could have done anything with him, and she didn't really want to make this experience any more awkward than it already felt. Mike shook his head, he was still smiling.

"No we didn't do anything. You were drunk. I was drunk. I'm pretty sure we came here just to pass out." Bella put her head in her hands, the bile was rising again, she was glad that she ran into him and that they were too drunk to do anything, if he'd been anyone else…she didn't want to think about it. She felt like an idiot, the worlds biggest idiot.

"I'm sorry. God I feel so stupid. It's been ages and I'm glad I ran into you but can we please forget that you watched me get wasted?" He chuckled and shrugged.

"You weren't that bad, I've seen worse. Besides I was pretty wasted too, I'm pretty sure you got everyone in that place trashed…" She rubbed at her eyes and turned to look at Mike again.

"Fuck. My head hurts and I should really get going, I am going to have to check out of my hotel soon." He stood up and slipped on his shoes, he made a face and she looked down they looked like they had been dipped in water, which she guessed, they probably had. "I'm really sorry about that, I can replace them. Just head back with me and let me change and grab my stuff and we can go to the mall or whatever." He shook his head and she sighed, some of it was relief, some guilt, she really did feel bad but she was in no shape to go to the mall, or really anywhere.

"I've actually gotta get back to my place, my girlfriend is probably freaking out right now." Bella winced, she felt even worse. Even if they hadn't done anything, she kept Mike from his girlfriend all night, she had every right to be freaking out. "Don't worry about it, we didn't do anything and this doesn't happen all the time." She nodded her head and straightened out the shirt which looked as if it had been bunched in her sleep, they left. Mike added her number to his phone and told her to let him know the next time she was in town, she told him she would and the weird thing was, she actually meant it.

Thankfully she hadn't lost any of her ID or her hotel key card, she showered and packed her things, she wanted to stay another night but a week away from everything was too long. There was a small part of her, that seemed to get bigger and bigger as she got closer to home, that felt guilty. Why in the hell was she feeling so sorry for herself anyway? It wasn't like she didn't have everything, she felt so awful about that, all this money and she had blown hundreds of dollars on nothing, there were people who had nothing and she was throwing herself a very expensive pity party.

Charlie was on his arm chair when she walked in, he waved at her and then really looked at her.

"God Bells' you look terrible. What the hell were you doing over there?" She shook her head and flopped down on the couch.

"Being a selfish idiot." Charlie chuckled and she uncovered her eyes to look at him, he was shaking his head but he had a smirk on his face. "What's funny?" He sighed and turned to look at her.

"You've always acted as if you're twice your age, its just nice to see you acting your age for once-" he paused to think about something before continuing. "- I mean as long as you're being careful." Bella groaned into her sleeve, she felt like crap and did he really have to be so calm about this?

"I'm not going to ever act my age again." Charlie laughed and she smiled from underneath her arm. It was nice to hear him sound relaxed, he had been worried about her leaving, worrying that she might not come back and now he was encouraging her to act like some college kid or something…it was a little strange.

The next few weeks were rough, she had been going to visit Billy and still hadn't really talked to Jake. Of course she didn't expect them to be best friends forever when she returned, when he had so easily forgiven her and welcomed her back into his life, she should have known that this might happen. Whenever she did finally manage to track him down he was quick to find an excuse to leave and she really didn't want to impose on his life if he didn't want her there. Bella tried to avoid going there at all but she always seemed to feel pulled in.

Paul was sitting down by himself in front of the house when she pulled up, they never really talked to each other, she would ask him about Sierra and he would answer, or it was usually just simple hello's and goodbye's.

"Hey. Is Billy home?" He shook his head, she had been looking past him and not at him, when she did look at him she noticed he looked different, how did she not see it before? His frame seemed a little smaller, everything about him seemed smaller, he looked thinner, like he hadn't been eating properly, there were dark circles under his eyes, he clearly wasn't sleeping properly.

"Oh. Okay. I brought him some lunch, um there's enough here for you too, if you're hungry." He nodded his head and she handed it to him. Not knowing what to do next she stared back at the house before looking at him.

"Is everything okay Paul?" It felt like such a stupid question, he was wearing down slowly and it had only been a few months since Rachel and his baby died, of course things weren't okay. He gave her a hard nod before looking up at her. It was really quite disturbing to see him alone, usually Sierra kept him occupied and she thought maybe he had too much time to think, she wondered if he even had time to phase, these were things she had avoided thinking about most days.

"I'm just fucking dandy." His response didn't startle her, Paul was still himself in many ways, it just made her feel bad. "Yea. Things are great around here, I mean look at me, don't I _look _okay to you?" He stood up and she took a step back. He didn't scare her, not really…

"I'm sorry. I just…" He cut her off before she could say anything else.

"You're sorry? For what exactly? Its not like any of this is your fault and I mean it's not like it affects you right? You can skip along in life living off your leeches, you'll never have to worry about food, bills, clothes, anything ever again if you don't want. Why the fuck should you be sorry?" Bella took another step back. "No. You've got nothing to be sorry about and I'm just fucking fine." Paul was towering over her and she probably should have left it but she couldn't, something in her snapped.

"I don't live off of them." He was glaring at her and if looks could kill she'd be dead, she'd be ashes. Yet she continued talking, digging her own grave. "I didn't ask for any of their money. I didn't ask for anything from them. You don't know anything about it, about me." Unsure of why she had bothered to even argue that point, Bella turned to walk away.

"Oh please. You act like your life is so fucking tragic, you might not have asked for anything but that's the point. While everyone around here is struggling, you're off taking holidays because you're stressed about your oh-so-complicated life. Was it fun? I bet you got to dip into _all_ that money and it hasn't even made a dent huh? I don't have to know about you. You're selfish and stupid its time for you to grow the fuck up. Shit happens, get over yourself _princess." _Paul hissed the last word at her and she felt like she had been slapped. When she turned around he wasn't shaking like she expected him to be, he was still glaring but there was a sense of control there. Bella took a shaky breath, she wasn't going to start crying, it would have made her look even more childish and she knew that Paul was right, why did she try to defend herself?

"I know." She felt defeated, he was right though. Paul hadn't stopped glaring at her. They stood there for what felt like an eternity before Jake came from out of nowhere, he looked at Bella and waved Paul into the house, he paced a moment before stopping to look at her, she felt like a child under his stare.

"Bella I know you want to help but I really think you should stay away from Paul. Its probably best for you to stay away from Sierra too, maybe just until things calm down." It hurt. It shouldn't hurt but it did and she tried not to let it show, she nodded and agreed. Jake stopped to look at her.

"It's not that we don't want you here, its just Paul's been having a tough time and Sierra is just…confused." Bella nodded again, it felt like she was being forced under ice cold water and she didn't like it, forcing reality on her was probably necessary though, she should have to see the world around her, shouldn't she?

For some reason it tore at her a little bit but she wasn't going to continue to upset everyone.

"I'm sorry." Before the dam broke and she made a complete fool of herself Bella got in her car and left, she managed to make it back to Charlie's before she broke down. What she didn't understand was why it hurt so badly. She hadn't been planning on going back around for a while but it made her feel sick to know that he requested her to stay away…and there was still that fucking pull that she couldn't explain.

The week had been crawling by and Bella had finally found a place of her own. One of the houses went up for sale and she snagged it as quickly as she could, she loved her dad and Sue but she wanted her own space and she really did need to grow up. There was no way she was going to live off the Cullen's money anymore, she decided to start finding a good use for it, there were plenty of organizations, charities, communities that could use it. It was just a matter of how to divide it up and make generous donations anonymously. It was a long process and she had felt better when she knew that it was going to people who did need it more than she did,_ no one_ needed that much money, especially if they hadn't done a thing to earn it.

Instead of moping around her very quiet house, Bella got out, met people, libraries, bookstores, going for runs, the gym, where ever she went she made an effort to get to know the people around her. She took short road trips to anywhere she wanted. Seeing Mike again, sparked her interest, she found most of the people from high school on Facebook, she even found a few people from Arizona that she had completely cut contact with when she moved to Forks. It would seem that she had always been sort of closed off from the world, which made sense, no wonder she had no human friends. It surprised her that people actually remembered her but they did and they seemed genuinely curious about her life.

Renee was planning to visit before the summer ended and she had enough space to spare a room for a bit. It didn't surprise her that her mother was already dating, she met some guy at a healers convention or a spiritual retreat she couldn't remember and it wasn't really important…she promised not to bring this man to meet her until she was at least officially divorced.

Charlie came by to visit as often as he could, Sue came over to check that her cupboards and fridge were stocked every week, Bella assumed it was out of habit, she was a mother of two werewolves after all. It was nice to have her around, she was much more open to having Bella in town now that she had her own place, it was only a matter of time before Seth would be kicked to the curb, her and Charlie might have been older but they were still behaving as if they were on their honeymoon, which was probably a good thing for them but she couldn't even imagine how awkward that would be with Sue's grown son, who happened to have over developed senses. Yep. Awkward.

No matter how well each day went, Bella always went to bed alone. It was tiring keeping up with people she didn't really know well enough to care about. Of course she would in a few years when they had made an impact in each others lives but right now the people she wanted to see and catch up with were in La Push, it had been weeks since she drove away and felt like the worlds most selfish brat. She did call Billy to make sure he was okay, to check in on Sierra and Paul, he told her that Sierra was good and Paul was still pretty much the same, she wondered if it would ever get better for him, she and everyone else that knew him hoped he would.

When the time was right she would follow that tugging sensation she kept feeling knowing very well it would lead her back to La Push, back to a little girl.

**:Thank you for reading :)**


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter six.

When he looked at himself in the mirror Paul knew he was falling apart, he could feel the changes happening. A large part of him, the wolf, wanted to give up and die, he was nothing without his mate. But the larger part of him, the man, the father, the husband, knew that he would not do that to his daughter. There was a beautiful little girl, his little girl sleeping down the hall that he couldn't let down.

It had been five months since Rachel and their son died, he realized at some point that he stopped phasing not long after then too. The wolf was dying and he didn't care. Maybe he wouldn't feel so dead inside if he could be human. Sure he loved Rachel, with every part of him, she was his mate but that didn't mean he had to give up whatever part of him was left, she wouldn't have wanted that. He stepped out of the bathroom and into the hall, peaking into his daughters room he had to pay more attention to the rise and fall of her chest, he couldn't hear her heart beat, couldn't hear her steady breathing, he was learning to pay better attention to everything, since there weren't wolf senses to rely on anymore.

"Daddy?" Sierra propped herself up on her elbows to look at him. He smiled and walked in and sat down on the floor beside her bed, grabbing her tiny hand into his.

"Sorry baby, I was just checking to make sure you were okay." He realized that she was too young to understand that he wanted to constantly make sure she was still alive, it would end him to lose her, she was all he had left. Her tiny shoulders shook and he had to let his eyes adjust to the dim glow of the nightlight to see that she was laughing.

"What's funny sweetheart?" Those tiny fits of laughter and her gigantic smiles were what kept him moving forward these days. Sierra sat up and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Your hair is funny." Paul's eyebrows shot up in mock surprise. Of course his hair probably did look hilarious, he hadn't cut it in a few months.

"My hair is funny?" He could still easily lift her up, didn't need werewolf strength for that, and put her in his lap to tickle her, he sat her up and mussed up her hair. "There. Now both of our hair looks funny." She stood up and glared at him and it was like a kick in the gut, she looked so much like her mother that he wanted to cry, but he didn't. Smoothing out her hair she gave him a playful punch to the arm, he would have to stop letting her hang out with Leah, she was only three years old, well three and a half and she was already scrappy.

"Mama's in heaven?" Paul swallowed hard and nodded at his daughter. Her eyebrows scrunched up and he knew that meant she was concentrating so he waited. "Can we go see her?" How many times was he going to have to feel his heart shatter before it was enough, his eyes were stinging and he really didn't want to cry in front of her but he couldn't stop himself. Paul shook his head slowly. "No baby, we cant go see her, not for a long time." Her hand reached up to wipe away the tears and he picked her up to hold himself together. "Ok daddy." she hugged him as tightly as her arms would allow, he did his best to pull himself together as he seemed to be doing a few times daily and lay her back down. "I think its time for you to get back to sleep now hunny, you're going over to your papa Billy's tomorrow and I don't think he'd like it if you were cranky." The small smirk on her face was identical to his own, he had no doubt that although she was an angel she was going to have at least a few days of trouble in her life. "Night, night pup." she yawned and whispered good night back to him.

The level of stress was no longer rising but it hadn't gone down. There were so many things he felt he had to worry about. Working five days a week paid the bills and put food in the house. There was day care he had to worry about as well, it was probably a good thing he was no longer some temperamental werewolf, he had so much on his plate he could barely function but he was mostly getting through it. There were days were he wanted to lay in bed, never moving. He wanted to let the darkness swallow him whole but he'd hear Sierra and come back to his senses.

At some point the women he had 'fucked and chucked' some time before he met Rachel, were calling him up just to see how he was 'holding up', he usually politely told them to fuck off, he wasn't interested, his wife just fucking died like half a year ago, they could at least have the decency to not behave like whores. It disgusted him that he used to do whatever it took to fill the void in his life with women, nameless, faceless, classless women.

Paul was walking over to Billy's with Sierra on his shoulders when he noticed the car parked outside. Rolling his eyes he took Sierra down and knelt down to talk to her, he needed to make sure she understood something before they went inside.

"Listen, its not very nice to cry for people when they leave, I don't want you to do that again do you hear me?" She had her eyes down but she nodded. Paul sighed before tilting her chin up to look her in the eye. "Its okay to like someone as much as you like…" he didn't really want to spit her name out like he used to but it was for some reason still hard to say. "…Bella okay? But you cant make her feel uncomfortable when she has to leave. Do you understand?" She nodded again and he stood up taking a deep breath.

For whatever reason his daughter had grown attached to Isabella Swan and he really didn't like it. It's not like he thought she would hurt his daughter, it helped that Jake was actually on his side about this, although he was sure his reasons were different. Billy and everyone else thought he was fucked up, why should anyone who loved his daughter be excluded from her life, well because she was his daughter and those were his decisions to make, it shouldn't matter what anyone else thinks.

Billy was sitting in his chair near the window when they walked in, Sierra ran over to him and hopped onto his lap. "Papa." As always, she lit up any room she walked into, Paul smiled and waved at Billy. He looked around and Billy was watching him. "Looking for someone Paul?" Crazy old man, Paul quirked an eyebrow and shrugged. "Where's Jake?" Billy watched him, he wasn't really sure what the old man was looking for but he wasn't going to find it. "Out but uh…" he looked to the kitchen and back to Paul. "Bella is here." he didn't let the strange way Billy was watching him bother him. "So." He shrugged his shoulders again, like he didn't care because honestly he didn't.

If there was anything awkward about being around her, it was that she was too awkward. Why did she always have to look so nervous about every single thing he did? Paul couldn't understand how someone as naïve as her managed to survive in the world as long as she did. Being married to a fucking vampire, a blood sucking vampire, she was beyond repair and he felt bad for the idiot foolish enough to fall for her. Although he felt bad for anyone stupid enough to fall for him too, not that anyone could or would. The only reason he had Rachel was because the imprint forced her to see the better parts of him, she was able to see past all his flaws and he was positive there would never be another woman on the planet who could do that, not that he wanted any other woman.

Being the strange man that he was Billy stared at the play date that seemed to be happening between Bella and Sierra, Paul scowled, he didn't understand why his daughter liked her so much, he wouldn't keep her away though, he couldn't, not when she made her so happy and he honestly couldn't find a reason apart from her being an ex leech lover and that wasn't really that good of an excuse anymore. Billy looked up at him and there were questions in his eyes, he thankfully didn't ask any of them out loud but Paul knew he was going to get an ear full later.

"Daddy, look." Sierra looked over at him and held up the doll she was playing with. Paul wasn't sure what he was looking at but he smiled at his daughter, she was happy and whatever put that smile on her face was okay with him. Bella continued to brush the hair of dolls, as well as dress them up with his daughter and he sat there, trying not to think about his wife, his son. It didn't take him long to get choked up.

"I'm gonna take a walk to the store. You want anything old man?" Billy looked at him and smiled sadly, Paul didn't think he was that obvious when it came to his emotional meltdowns but he guessed that he was. "Maybe you could grab me some juice, I tried to ask Jake yesterday but I guess he forgot." Paul nodded and looked over to where his daughter and Bella were playing. "Want anything?" Bella didn't look up right away, it was Sierra who tapped her, they were all staring at her. "Oh, sorry…what?" Paul rolled his eyes. "I'm going to the store do you want anything?" It took all the self control he had not to slow down his sentence for her, just to be a dick, but he managed. Bella shook her head, she didn't look at him, she never did, not since the day he freaked out at her. "No thanks."

He shrugged and walked out the door, of course it was raining out. When the hell didn't it rain there? Like four, five times a year. Paul had a sweater on, he actually needed to wear clothes when he went places these days, Jake asked him if he was planning on trying to phase again. Paul didn't want to, there was no way he could handle everyone else in his head anymore, there was too much going on as it was.

Most days he still seen the pack Jared was his best friend and made sure he was still alive and well, he also made sure that when he needed a break he got one. They were friends for as long as he could remember, that was his brother and Kim was his sister. Their baby was due soon and Paul sighed to himself, he knew that Kim was trying to be considerate of him by not flaunting her pregnancy around him but it was wrong. They were his family and he was going to have to make them feel comfortable, they should be happy and he should be happy for them.

The rest of the guys and Leah still came around on a regular basis, they were his family and even if they sometimes pissed him off he still loved them and was glad that they were there for him, for his daughter.

It was probably best that he was just normal now or as close to normal as an ex werewolf who lost his soul mate could be. Paul kicked at the rocks on the side of the road, there was a car driving up along side him and he didn't need to turn around to know it was her. Bella was always trying to be some Saint of La Push, rescuing every god damn person she seen. The window was rolled down and she called out to him to get in. He didn't have to but he did, because he was stupid and wet and cold.

"Billy told me not to let you get sick." The old Paul wouldn't have even given her the chance to talk, he would have shut her up and probably made her cry. Things changed but not everything, nodding his head Paul shut the door and sat there quietly. The sound of the wipers squeaking and the rain hitting the roof were the only noises he could hear. Paul looked at the rear view mirror and noticed a beaded necklace with a very misshapen heart hanging from it. Tempted to make fun of her artistic skills he opened his mouth to say something, thinking better of it, he stopped himself.

"One of my kids made that for me." Paul looked at her like she had grown another head, mainly because he didn't remember her having kids and it was weird that she even noticed him looking at it. "Oh." Was all he said back, he didn't really know what else to say. He could hear her sigh.

"I know you don't like me Paul and I'm not here to interfere with yours or your daughters life, I honestly just came by to see Billy today…he didn't tell me you'd be there." She still hadn't looked at him but she continued to talk. "I wont come by if it bothers you, I'll make sure Billy's not bullshitting this time." That got a smile out of Paul and he wasn't really sure why. It was actually kind of stupid.

"I don't not like you. I don't know you well enough to judge you." It was the truth, he hated the way his voice faltered when he spoke now, a part of being all human again, there was more hesitance than confidence. Bella pulled up to the little store on the other side of the reserve and sat there for a minute before she spoke again.

"That's fair. I'll stay out of your hair if you'll stay out of mine then?" Paul caught her eye for a moment and wanted to laugh, something about the way she spoke was funny to him and he was pretty sure it was because he was about a foot away from the gaping hole of insanity by now. "Right." Bella gave him an awkward smile, or maybe it was a regular smile and got out of the car. Opening the door he got out and walked in a few steps behind her. Leah was there, of course, he rolled his eyes, what are the odds?

"Hey Paul, fancy meeting you here. Are you-is that Swan?" Thankfully he had more patience and honestly she didn't bother him as much as she used to, she usually had other people to irritate, he was probably second last on that list at this point.

"Yea Leah its Bella." Rolling her eyes because he didn't take the bait, she carried on. "Wow, I didn't know you two were hanging out. What would Jake think?" Since there was no sense in arguing, he didn't, he did wonder why would she even ask him that though.

"I don't know I gotta get back to Sierra, I'll see you later." Leah looked a little disappointed that she hadn't been able to get him to jump down her throat, he wondered if Jacob was trying to get him to phase or something, he wouldn't put it past him.

"Hey Leah." Bella stopped to look at her step sister, Paul watched the way Leah's face changed when she was around, she didn't sneer or glare she smiled at Bella, he wasn't really sure when it happened but it obviously did.

"Hey. My mom said that she talked to you about a TA position." Bella smiled back and nodded.

"Yes. It's okay for you to come in and join the class any time you're ready, just give me a call and we'll set up a schedule" Paul looked between the two women, not really sure what it was he was witnessing. Leah in a classroom full of children? Of course she was great with kids, he had a daughter that loved her Auntie Leah, that reminded him...

"Sorry to interrupt but you-" He pointed at Leah. "…need to stop teaching my daughter to fight." Leah chuckled and shook her head. "I haven't been teaching her that. Shit Paul _you're_ her dad" Like that explained everything, which he guessed it sort of did, but hardly. "she is also a Black, of course she's going to be a bit feisty." He narrowed her eyes at her, obviously not buying it. Leah smiled as innocently as she could before shrugging and turning back to Bella. "I'll give you a call." she looked between her and Paul one last time raising an eye brow, what the hell was that about? They waved her off and Paul paid for his things.

On their way back the little necklace caught his attention again and he thought about Bella in a classroom, her kids, she was a teacher? Of course he probably heard this information before but he didn't register, it wasn't important at the time, it still wasn't, not really.

"What grade do you teach?" Bella's eyes seemed to light up, so she was _that _sort of teacher, he gave her a few years before she started hating her job.

"Third grade." He nodded his head. Why anyone would want to teach children was a mystery to him, but he remembered having a few teachers that loved their jobs, they loved their students and pretty much everything else about school. They fell back into a somewhat comfortable silence on the drive back.

Jacob was standing outside when they returned, Paul rolled his eyes and Bella seemed to tense up.

"I need to talk to talk to you Paul." He shrugged and followed Jake to the side of the house. "Okay…what's up." It wasn't really a question but he was going to answer anyway. "I wanted to know why Bella was tagging along with you, or you with her…" Paul shook his head, everyone was starting to lose their fucking minds, that was the only explanation for these insane 'questions'. "I'm not sure if you're trying to imply something or you're just being an asshole for the hell of it, come out with it, what are you asking?" Jacob at least had the decency to look ashamed. There was something so wrong with everyone around here, maybe Paul had lost his mind.

Was he supposed to be a complete prick forever to a woman who hadn't really ever said or done anything wrong to him? Yea she was annoying for reasons he couldn't remember but it didn't mean he hated her, that he couldn't be a decent person once in a while, is that what everyone was up in arms over?

"I'm, I was just-" He took a breath and began pacing. "-Its just you both have been, I don't know…I thought that maybe there was something…" Paul could feel himself shaking, it was the first time in almost seven months and it made him feel miserable, he had to think of something to calm himself down, he thought about his daughter and how devastated she'd be if he tore off her uncles head, it worked, he stood there panting and trying to compose himself.

"There's nothing Jacob. There will never be anything, with anyone, don't you get that? I don't want anyone, I'll never want anyone ever." His voice broke and shook and fuck, he didn't want to cry, he was a grown man for christ sakes, why couldn't he hold it together for twelve fucking hours. Jacob had his head down, there were a few moments of silence as he gave Paul some time to pull it together.

"Sorry I shouldn't have said anything." Paul nodded, he didn't always agree with Jacob, this time he could. They walked back into the house just as Bella was leaving, she didn't say much but a polite goodbye to Paul, completely ignoring Jake she got in her car.

"Uh, okay. What was that about?" He stared down at the ground, the guilt written all over his face. "I sort of asked Billy talk to her about how inappropriate it was to pursue a man who just lost his wife, when he didn't agree I asked Amanda." The extent that Jacob went through to make sure that Bella was constantly humiliated was ridiculous. Paul shook his head "You're a dick." It wasn't his problem to fix though and he wasn't about to go out and make sure that she was okay, she was a grown up, she had to get over shit like this, even if it was fucked up.

**: :Thank you for reading :)**


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter seven.

Knowing that she couldn't physically hurt Jacob Black, Bella made it a point to just ignore him on the way out to her car. Waving at Paul she did her very best to maintain her calm. It didn't surprise her when Jake climbed into her car without asking if it was okay, it didn't surprise her when he ordered her to drive so they could talk. Bella took the key out of the ignition and glared at him, he might have been an alpha by right but that did not mean he could boss her around after he insulted her and humiliated her in front of his family.

"What the hell do you want Jacob?" His face reminded her a lot of the boy that used to be in love with her, under all her anger and embarrassment, was guilt. Taking a deep breath Bella turned her attention to the steering wheel, she could feel guilty later, right now she had the right to be angry with him and that's exactly what she was going to do. The silence was suffocating, and the heat pouring off him was steaming up her car, Bella opened her window and waited.

"Okay so you seem to think that I'm some insanely desperate woman who is stalking Paul or something, I'm not sure how it is you've come to this conclusion…" Jake was still watching her and his features morphed from sad to smug in seconds, god she wanted to smack that look off his face "…what the fuck Jake. Why would you think that about me?" He sighed impatiently and she was seriously considering driving into a tree, just to hurt him a tiny bit. Clearing his throat he began to explain.

"You married a fucking vampire Bella…" He looked over at her and shook his head at her like this somehow justified his actions, which she was sure was exactly what he thought, she didn't miss the flash of disappointment there either "…I don't know you anymore and you're always hanging out here with Paul." This was all pretty ridiculous and she didn't think it really explained anything, sure he was mad at her for that but why the hell did he all of a sudden take action now and not when she first arrived…it didn't make sense.

"So are you also accusing me of hitting on your father too? I mean I see more of him than I do anyone else, are you accusing me of trying to seduce your father Jake? How about Quil, I seen him last week. Oh and lets not forget Seth because I was married to a vampire that must make me a whore right?" Bella spat each word at him and watched him flinch, it wasn't as satisfying as it should have been and that made her angrier.

"I didn't say you were a whore and I didn't say you were desperate. I just see the way you look at each other and…" Bella interrupted him, what the hell was he even talking about? There were no looks between her and Paul, hardly ever so whatever it was that Jacob thought he was seeing must have been imagined. Of course she could sympathize with Paul on some level and she definitely understood that he had been through a lot more than she could ever comprehend but she really did understand him. It didn't make them friends, maybe just acquaintances, if that. Christ it had only been like 7 months since his wife/soul mate died.

"What are you talking about?" Still parked outside Billy's house, Jacob looked at her, his head tilted like he was trying to determine something and then his eyes widened, whatever it was he was looking for he didn't find. Bella rolled her eyes, this was becoming a bit much for one day.

"Fuck…its nothing. Forget it. I'm sorry Bells I didn't mean any of that, just forget about it." She glared at him. "You just accused me of trying to, to-I don't know _fuck _Paul. I'm not going to just forget about this Jacob." He shook his head before burying his face in his hands, oh now he wanted to be sorry?

"I am sorry." Even if she wanted to tell him to take his pathetic apology and shove it up his ass, she didn't. Nodding her head Bella stared straight ahead at the front of the house, she could see the curtain move, someone was watching.

"Fine. Get out now." Starting the car Bella waited until he shut the door before driving away, whatever the hell is problem was, he would have to get over it.

The next few days were dragging by painfully slow and Bella did everything she could to keep her mind off La Push and Jake's idiotic behaviour. Amanda called her to apologize for the both of them and Bella wasn't so sure about the woman anymore. She politely declined her invitation for a dinner, the last place she wanted to be was in a room with Jacob Black and all the people he humiliated her in front of…

"You look like shit." Leah said as she walked into the classroom. Thankfully there were no kids around but it still seemed wrong to be cursing with little desks scattered about the room. Seemed wrong on so many levels.

"I know." Bella couldn't even deny it, the truth was there staring back at her when she looked in the mirror every morning.

"Is this about what a jack ass Black is?" Leah asked while Bella pulled up one of the small chairs, they were just setting up for the day. Bella turned around to face her step sister and shook her head. It was only partly about Jake, everything else just felt like it was scattered, sure she could pick up the pieces but she just couldn't find the energy to do it anymore.

"Not entirely. _Some_ of it has to do with Jake." Bella wanted to complain about her bills that were now piling up and things that were normal but those things seemed simple, considering everything else.

"So he thinks you're interested in Paul…" Leah was watching her, the same way everyone seemed to do when they mentioned him, it was beginning to make her uncomfortable. "…are you?" Bella's eyebrows nearly shot straight off the top of her head, Leah was very forward, to the point and she never tip toed around anything no matter how touchy the subject was. Shaking her head, in what she thought probably looked too frantic, Bella took a breath…

"No. I'm not interested in anyone." Leah's mouth turned up on one side, she was smirking at her.

"Oh my god, you like Paul…" Again, she shook her head with enough forced to strain her neck.

"No, I told you. I'm not interested in anyone right now, I mean it hasn't even been a year since the divorce and I just cant even…" Leah's shoulders shook, she was laughing at her. What could possibly be funny about this.

"What are you laughing at?" Leah finally took pity on her and gave her a gentle(for Leah)pat on the arm.

"You and _Edward-_" Bella didn't miss the way she tried not to spit his name out, it was all a part of the 'natural enemies' thing and she stopped noticing for the most part. "-were married, sure…but you weren't like a normal couple and I don't know if you think everyone's oblivious or something, maybe the rest of them are but I'm not that stupid…" She raised an eyebrow at Bella and she was really trying to follow along but none of this made any sense to her.

"Oh my god Bella. You're sexually frustrated I get it…Been there. Done that." she gave her a knowing look and Bella blushed. "I went for years without, after Sam and then had a little rebellious stage, you know when I went away to school…" Bella nodded, this wasn't as embarrassing as it was…strange.

"Anyway, I understand. I'm not going to judge you for your taste in men, Paul's a nice guy. It'll probably be a while though for him to…you know…" Bella's face was redder than the apple in the poster above her desk… "…to want to take that step with another woman, those imprint bonds are strong." Bella took a breath before she spoke.

"Leah…I'm not interested in Paul…or anyone." Leah snorted and rolled her eyes but gave her a nod.

"Alright then." They didn't finish their conversation as the bell rang and kids started to pour in one by one. There was one thing she had to focus on and that was her class, the one thing that kept her from having to over analyze Leah's questions and Jacobs accusations. It didn't stop her from thinking about it though.

Spring break was quickly approaching and Bella wasn't looking forward to having that time alone, to think. Family wasn't comforting either, Renee wanted to come and visit again, the first time had been a few days and this time she wanted to bring her boyfriend, since things were serious. Maybe that would act as a distraction from everything else.

Some of what Leah said to her stuck, the part about being sexually frustrated was true, everyone around her was getting laid but her. Maybe she needed to have fun, she remembered how that worked out last time, she didn't have the funds to get that drunk again, and it was probably better not to go sleep with strangers, or what she thought were strangers but ended up being people she knew from high school.

It had been months since she talked to Jake, she still went to see Billy, she still spent time over there and said a polite hello to him when she seen him but nothing more. It wasn't that she was mad at him still, she wasn't not really. It was just awkward. The rare occasion that she did end up stuffed in a room with him and Paul(which was rare, because she hardly ever seen Paul), he, along with everyone else would watch them and it made her uncomfortable and she was pretty sure it made Paul uncomfortable too, so she avoided seeing him at all. That also seemed to happen when she was around Sierra but she was someone Bella refused to avoid, whenever she asked her to come visit, Bella couldn't say no and the way everyone watched their interactions didn't bother her as much…weird.

Renee showed up with her new boyfriend and his grandson, which Bella found sort of nice. It was weird to watch the way her mother tended to the little boy, the way she glowed when he called her Nay-nay. It was also nice to have the presence of a child around, it made things comfortable, it was about the only way Bella could function anymore, with kids around. The talk came the second night, after Dylan the six year old boy, went to bed.

"I know you're doing alright baby, but maybe you'd be happier if you found someone, maybe you wouldn't be so…lonely." Bella wanted to snort and tell her mother she wasn't miserable and she really didn't feel lonely, not all the time anyway, she was actually happy. The world did not spin around her, or Edward or anyone in particular and knowing this made her happy. No matter what was going on in her life she was okay.

"I'm okay mom. I mean four years was a long time to be attached to someone and I'm only 23, there's still time, lots of it." Renee smiled at her and nodded. It was one of those things that people did, when they were so happily in love, they wanted everyone else to experience the complete bliss of being in love, that's exactly what her mother was doing.

"I know hunny I just want you to be happy." Bella fought the urge to tell her she _was_ happy, it would probably sound forced and then she wouldn't believe her.

"Well, I'm glad you're happy. I mean John is a very nice guy and he really does seem to be perfect for you." Bella expected him to be some 'free-spirit' like her mom but he was actually very normal and he really reminded her of Charlie, she tried very hard not to think about it or say it out loud, she didn't think her mom would appreciate it.

"He is isn't he? And Dylan is just…" Renee sighed and smiled, Bella couldn't help but smile back. "I remember when you were that young baby, seems like just yesterday, and now look at you…all grown up, a teacher and you've got your own house…" she looked ready to cry and Bella got up to hug her. "…I don't know why I never thought of giving you siblings, seems sort of selfish doesn't it? Maybe you wouldn't have had to grow up so quickly." It was an odd thing for her mother to say, Bella never really thought about having brothers or sisters, not really. And she didn't want to mention to her mother that she probably would have had to grow up quickly no matter what, its who she was, that old soul with streaks of immaturity.

Renee and John along with his grandson were invited over to Charlie and Sue's for dinner. Bella tried not to stare between her dad and her moms new boyfriend but she couldn't help it. There were so many similarities and Leah was the one who caught her.

"Freaky huh?" Bella laughed and nodded, thankful she wasn't the only one to notice.

"Its so weird how she went from Charlie to Phil, back to…well…another version of Charlie." They didn't really look anything alike but they had very similar personalities and Bella honestly expected her mother to have ended up with some new-age healer or something, maybe a hemp shop owner, but John was a retired cop. He wasn't that old but he explained that he took an early retirement to help out his daughter, she was a single mom and obviously a bit of a sore subject that no one pushed on.

"Hey at least you know your mom's taken care of. If he's anything like your dad, he'll always be there for her and he's got a family, it's probably good for her to have some kids around…" Bella gave Leah a look, she wasn't sure what to say to that. Renee was her mother and she was a great mother, even if she did roll her eyes at some of her advice, her heart was always in the right place.

The goodbye's weren't sad because Renee assured her that they would be back, that she missed her and she would make the drive as often as Bella wanted the company, it made her feel better to know her mom hadn't completely forgotten about her…again.

June was Bella's rock bottom, school was out and she now had nothing to focus on and how long had she been falling? There she sat in her kitchen sipping a glass of wine alone, everyone she knew had someone else, hell, even Billy met someone and here she was alone.

Okay so it wasn't necessarily rock bottom, maybe it was just her tiny table she hit. There was nothing wrong with being single, _that_ was her mantra. Something she told her self at her loneliest. God, she felt pathetic.

Bella got up and stopped feeling sorry for herself, okay she got up…the other part she was still working on.

There was a party at Leah and Embry's but she skipped out, the last place she wanted to be was surrounded by couples. Bella was going to PA, there would be lonely people there too, there had to be…

Thankful that Renee thought to buy her a 'date dress' Bella walked into a bar, it was packed with people and there was a live band, she was completely uncomfortable but she forced herself to stay. Finding a stool at the bar, she ordered the first of her four drink limit she had set for herself and waited.

Being the cautious woman she now was Bella made sure to cover her glass and watch her surroundings, as her father and Leah would tell her, you can't be too careful, especially with so many people. It was only after 9 when Bella ordered her second drink, she wasn't having any fun and she was starting to wish she had just gone to Leah's, at least she would have known someone there.

Looking at the line to the woman's washroom Bella sighed impatiently, she considered the alley for a moment and suddenly a memory of Edward saving her ass from those guys here all those years came back to her and her heart sped up, why did she come here of all places...alone?

A woman in front of her turned around to ask her if she was alright, Bella didn't realize she was having a panic attack until that moment.

Breathe.

A crowd started to gather they were all watching her and god, she really needed to breathe. When she finally pulled herself together Bella tried to give the woman and the crowd an apologetic smile.

"I always forget I'm allergic to wine after the first three drinks." Everyone seemed to buy this excuse and left her alone. As she left the bar she thought about how stupid a plan this was, she really wasn't in any shape to drive back and there wasn't any way to get back home without forking out a lot of money for a cab. Bella pulled out her cell and called her dad, he didn't answer and neither did Sue she decided to call Leah who promised she'd send Seth, or someone…

The sound of a car honking snapped her out of her daze, Bella slapped a bill down on the table, thanking the waitress on her way out of the diner. A knot the size of a bowling ball formed in her stomach then she looked at her ride home…Paul. She quietly cursed Leah.

"Sorry I'm not sure what I was thinking coming all the way over here."she climbed in the car and buckled herself up. Paul shrugged his shoulders before pulling out of the tiny lot attached to the small diner.

"I got nothing better to do, you're lucky that I stayed sober tonight…everyone else is pretty fucked up, even your dad and Sue." Paul chuckled to himself. Her dad was drunk? That was weird.

"Oh." Then she looked at him, and wished she hadn't. All that time avoiding him only made her think about him more and it was not okay, especially after she had a couple drinks.

"You alright, you look like you've seen a ghost…maybe a leech…_did you see a leech_?" He had started off joking but suddenly turned serious, Bella shook her head.

"Oh no, I guess maybe I should have eaten something more before drinking, it's just making me all…woozy. Lightweight and whatever." He looked at her like he wasn't sure whether he should believe her or not.

If she was being honest it was sort of like seeing a ghost, a ghost of a 'leech' tonight, when she remembered that if Edward hadn't been a vampire who stalked her and read minds back then, on that particular evening in Port Angeles, she could have been someone very different, or maybe she wouldn't be anything at all…

Bella wondered where Sierra was but thought better of asking him, she wasn't sure he liked her knowing so much about his daughter. The drive was silent and very uncomfortable.

"Uhm I thought you would be dropping me off at home." Paul chuckled as they drove into La Push.

"Leah ordered me to drive you back _here_." Her mouth pulled down to a frown, she didn't want to seem or sound ungrateful but she was tired and really wanted to go home.

"Oh, okay. Are you staying too?" The hand that slapped her mouth shut was her own and she didn't mean to ask him anything especially if he was sticking around. His eyebrows seemed to knit together in confusion at her and then he nodded hesitantly.

"Sorry, I just, I don't want to be the only sober one or whatever here…" More like she didn't want to be the only one person who wasn't a part of a couple there, but she wasn't going to say that because it sounded fucked up, even in her head. Paul shrugged and got out of the car and she followed, she noticed that everyone was indeed drunk and she couldn't figure out how they managed it, didn't werewolves burn through alcohol quickly? Instead of asking she shrugged it off and she went to look for Leah after thanking Paul for the ride. Quil was standing close enough to crack a joke about riding Paul, she rolled her eyes and tried not to let that image settle...too late.

**A/N:** **I went ahead and screwed myself with this time line but its been almost a year now since Rachel died and I'll make sure to make the next chapter Paul's POV, I told you this story was going to drag out a bit but not to worry I have plans for Paul and Bella and I'm not going to drag it much farther. **

**Thank you for reading :)**


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter eight.

What the hell was Isabella Swan doing by herself on the beach at, Paul stopped to look at the time on his phone, four in the morning. Shaking his head and grumbling to himself he approached her, she was sitting there staring into the dark, it was sort of creepy. That woman didn't ever seem to know better and if she did, well she was damn good at ignoring it.

"Any reason you're out here…alone…at four in the morning?" He asked as he sat down beside her. Bella shook her head before pulling her legs up to wrap her arms around herself. Had she always been this little? Paul wondered as he waited for her to say something, preferably something that would explain why she thought it was a good idea to come to the rez in the middle of the night.

"I was at Leah's and her and Embry were getting…_noisy_ and I couldn't sleep so…yea." Bella shrugged her shoulders and rested half of her face on her knee."…what about you? You're out here, alone at this hour too? Why's that?" Paul chuckled before shaking his head.

"I had a date." He noticed the way Bella's head shot up and she squinted in the dark, probably trying to figure out if he was serious. Unfortunately he was.

"Wow a date. So if you don't mind me asking, how did that go?" Considering he only went on this date to get everyone off his ass…

"It ended about a half an hour after it started, if that tells you anything. Jake was trying to do me a favour…apparently." There weren't too many days he wished he could phase still but when people like Jacob interfered with his life he wanted to explode into that massive grey wolf and tear that asshole limb from limb.

"Jake set you up on a date?" She dropped her legs so that they were dangling off the drift wood, he wanted to laugh at the shock he could hear in her voice, he settled for smiling and nodding. Amanda's cousin was single and she thought it was 'adorable' that he was a single dad, no one bothered to clue her into the reasons why he was raising his daughter on his own now, so when she started talking about how awful some mothers were, just abandoning their children, he didn't get angry, nope he simply left the bitch there. It might not have been her fault but she was an idiot and he wasn't going to sit around to listen to her talk out of her ass.

"Yea well he's got it in his head that I'm some lonely, miserable bastard that needs to get laid or something. I don't know. It took him about a month to convince me, or a month to irritate the shit out of me and force me to go along with what he was convinced was best for me. The fucker set me up with his imprints cousin, it was not pretty." Bella shook her head angrily, it caught him off guard what the hell was she so pissed about?

"I cant believe him." When he looked over at her he noticed that she looked a bit worn out, okay so that was being generous, she looked like shit. It was difficult for him not to reach over and move her wild looking hair from her face and tell her to sleep because she looked like she needed it, what the hell was she doing with her life to cause her to look so…stressed?

"It was only a matter of time, I wouldn't be surprised if he made me a profile with my pictures and hobbies and posted it on some dating site already. I guess it doesn't make sense to him, to any of them for me not to be out fucking anything with tits and legs after this long…" It bothered him that they still held onto this younger version of himself, the guy he was prior to growing up. Maybe it made them feel better to remember him before he turned into some giant pussy who only left the house to work or take his daughter somewhere.

"Its only been a year Paul. Jake should respect your space and so should the rest of them. I'm sure they think they're helping…" He looked at her and nodded. Who would have thought that he would be listening to a woman who married a leech? Not him.

"Well I'm sure your date was terrible I have probably won the crown for worst date ever and I didn't even have to have Jake screw it up for me, nope did it all on my own." He laughed with her, he couldn't imagine her dating normal guys. The woman was definitely not ordinary by any means and he just couldn't picture her settling down with some random guy…

"When's the last time you went on a date?" He asked her, she sat there a moment counting on her fingers which only made him laugh harder.

"About a month and a half ago. It was this guy from my gym…" He raised an eyebrow at her and she nodded. "Yep, he was waiting for the treadmill and sort of stalked me until it was time to go…." she laughed, shaking her head. "…that should have been my first clue I guess. Anyway turns out he was a dink, I got a free meal out of it but that was it. I'm just not cut out for dating I don't think." Of course she proves his theory that she couldn't date 'normal' guys. He probably wouldn't ever date 'normal' women either. They were both pretty fucked.

They sat there quietly until the sky changed colour and it surprised him at how comfortable it was there…with her.

"Well I should probably head back now, maybe they finally went to sleep…"Laughing Paul stood up and tried not to watch as she brushed off the back of her jeans. Bella caught him looking and raised an eyebrow. Instead of acting like he was embarrassed to have been caught checking out her ass, he just shrugged it off.

It was the first time he'd looked at another woman in years. Imprinting gave him Rachel so it was impossible for him to hate it but he couldn't stop himself from seeing how unnatural it was. It was like walking through fog and all he could see was a light, that's all he wanted to see but once that light dimmed and eventually faded he knew that the fog would eventually fade too.

When they got to the road she stopped and looked at him.

"Thanks for the company." She looked towards Leah's house and sighed dramatically. He laughed and motioned to the opposite direction.

"Come on. I've got the coffee maker set to start brewing soon. I'll make you a cup since you obviously don't want to go back to Leah's or go home." She smiled at him and he was tempted to roll his eyes at her.

They sat around his kitchen table and it occurred to him at some point that people would see her leaving his place in the morning and draw their own conclusions and he really didn't care.

"Jake's going to have a heart attack when he hears I was here." The evil little smile on her face as she thought about it made him shake his head, she really was a twisted little thing.

"Probably." He replied honestly. "I think that old infatuation he had with you is buried under all the imprint stuff…"Paul stopped talking before he caused a shit storm for Jake. Even if it was the truth, it wasn't his place to say anything to her. He got the feeling she didn't want to hear about it either, no matter how guilty she felt for what happened all those years ago, it was obvious to him that Jake was never an option for her.

Paul sat there tracing the rim of his coffee mug with his finger, he would catch her eyeing him every so often, she wasn't so awkward, just quiet. It wasn't all that strange really, sort of comfortable…

"So where's Sierra?" There was something about the way she said her name, it made her seem lighter somehow. Bella looked around at the kitchen like Sierra would jump out of a cupboard or something.

"Jared and Kim's…" Paul shook his head thinking about his little girl. "…Jay's probably loading her up with sugar as we speak." A few hours had passed and when he looked at the clock it was already 8:30. Sierra was usually up at this time bouncing around asking a hundred questions a minute.

Although he didn't like sending her off for sleepovers, he knew she needed the space from him, and he needed it from her. Plus she loved helping Kim take care of Kai, he was seven months old now and Sierra loved him, she would have made an amazing big sister, that thought always choked him up. It was better though, he wouldn't let her forget that she had a baby brother, even if she didn't get the chance to meet him.

Bella was staring down into her coffee and he was staring off into space. When he snapped out of it he looked at her, she was clearly upset about something but it really wasn't his business. If she wanted to tell him, he'd probably listen but he couldn't and wouldn't bring himself to ask.

"If you want to lie down for a while there's a bed in the spare room…" The room that used to be his and Rachel's until he packed his shit and moved it to the smaller room down the hall. It took him months to go through her things without breaking down but he eventually did get through it. All of her things were packed up, some of it was donated, some of it was burned for traditional purposes and the rest of it was put away for Sierra to have when she was old enough.

"Um are you sure? I don't want to be a bother." Paul nodded and motioned for her to follow him. Why would she think that sleeping in a room that he never went in would bother him?

"It's not a problem. I'll wake you up in a few hours." Bella thanked him and passed out almost immediately. The woman was clearly not sleeping properly.

It was a few hours later that Sierra bounced through the front door with Jared on her heels. Paul chuckled, it was funny how easily this tiny kid could exhaust even werewolves.

"Jesus she's fast." Jared said as he came through the door, he stopped and sniffed the air and Paul shook his head, how did people not notice when a wolf walked in sniffing around, how was that not strange to normal people? "…Paul…" Jared was looking at the stairs, he could probably hear her sleeping and Paul didn't really care. Before he continued he checked to make sure Sierra wasn't paying attention. "Why is Bella sleeping in your house?" Unfortunately Sierra was paying attention and he swears her ears perked up at the mention of Bella.

"Bella's here?" She looked up at her dad and Paul nodded before glaring at Jared. Idiot couldn't have waited until he got home and called him?

"Yea she's sleeping in the yellow room." Sierra's face lit up and she started running for the stairs. "No, no, no baby. Bella's tired you've got to let her sleep okay?" Jared was staring at him with this stupid smirk on his face, like he just figured something out. Sierra pouted but came back and sat down on the floor beside his feet.

"Well I'm expecting you to catch me up later." Jared was still smirking at him. There wasn't a lot to explain but he was pretty sure the truth was going to be twisted, so it really didn't matter what Jared knew. Giving him a pat on the shoulder and picking Sierra up to hug her, Jared left and Paul knew that everyone else would know by this afternoon.

When Bella finally did get up she looked a lot better, even more so after Sierra ran up to her, arms out, expecting the tiny woman to pick her up. Paul watched the way they both seemed to light up when they saw each other. It wasn't the first time he noticed the way Bella looked as if she was meant to protect her, or the way she laughed at all the right moments when Sierra told her stories or silly jokes that only Bella found funny. The woman genuinely cared for his daughter.

"Daddy can Bella sleep over again tonight?" Paul wasn't sure if he should laugh or cry, Bella didn't look even the slightest bit uncomfortable or embarrassed, she simply smiled at Sierra and waited for him to answer, she was enjoying this.

"Uh well…" he scratched the back of his neck and tried to look anywhere but the big brown eyes of his daughter.

"…I don't know if that's such a good idea puppy…" He tried to ignore the way Bella grinned at him from beside his daughter.

"I don't think…" He wasn't sure what to tell her, she was four and she didn't understand why it wasn't a good idea.

"Maybe you can come stay at my house next weekend hunny…" Sierra pouted at her and Bella seemed to be unaffected by his daughters bottom lip.

"Besides, I have to get home. My house is a _huuuuuge_ mess and if your daddy says its okay for you to come over I'm going to have to start cleaning up now so it'll be ready for when you come over." They were both looking at him, waiting for him to say something, he looked between them and god he really was screwed.

"Can daddy come too?" Just when he thought it was his turn to enjoy her embarrassment, she nodded her head and looked at him.

"If he wants to." Paul was sure he'd gone crazy. Did his daughter just invite him to a sleepover with this woman? Of course she did. Not liking or wanting to be put on the sport he shrugged his shoulders, Sierra clapped her hands excitedly like he'd said yes and went back to the puzzle she was working on. Well he didn't say no...

Bella hung around all day, it made Sierra happy so he wasn't going to complain, plus he figured it was probably better that she left later on, it would keep the rumours from spreading like wildfire, for today anyway.

When Jake let himself in, Bella was on the couch watching a movie with Sierra and Paul was keeping a safe, comfortable distance. It would only be a matter of time before things collectively went to hell and he'd have to suffer then. The look on Jakes face was priceless. He bent over the couch to kiss Sierra on the head and give Bella a hug. God did Paul want to laugh at how uncomfortable he looked. When he turned around he motioned Paul into the kitchen, his presence was as demanding and irritating as it always was.

"Why is Bella here?" Paul let out a heavy sigh, he expected this. Why wouldn't Jacob want to know all of his business all the damn time?

"Because she wants to be…"Jake rolled his eyes and crossed his arms before grabbing a chair to sit down.

"Of course she does." Was that sarcasm he detected? Paul chuckled because Jake was really fun to piss off and he's sort of forgotten this fact over the last year.

"…seriously though, Paul I hope you know what you're doing…" Paul's body twitched, it happened sometimes when he was pissed off.

"What am I doing Jake? Since you seem to know what's good for me, what I should be doing with my life, why don't you tell me what it is that I'm doing. Because I sure as hell don't know" Jacob didn't get a chance to answer because Sierra came barrelling into the kitchen, jumping into Paul's arms, followed by Bella. Paul wondered if Jake noticed the way she hovered around Sierra too…he'd have to ask him later when he wasn't being a douche bag.

"Look at my hair daddy, its braided." Paul smiled at her, she had that effect on everyone, Jacob seemed to loosen up when she came into the room too.

"It looks very pretty baby." He grabbed the tip and tugged it playfully making Sierra giggle. With his daughter there he didn't have to pay attention to the way Jake stared between him and Bella, like he was looking for something.

"Well I'd better get home now. My plants are probably worried sick about me." Paul rolled his eyes as she laughed at her own joke. His little girl wiggled out of his arms to attach herself to Bella. Both Paul and Jacob watched the way she rested her head on top of Sierra's, a thought crossed his mind as he looked on but he pushed it to the back of his mind, he did not need to think about just well she fit there in his kitchen, in his house, with his daughter, in his life.

After Bella said a rather awkward good bye and Sierra went back to watch another movie Jacob moved in on him.

"I know you see it now Paul. You cant tell me you don't." Paul snorted, Jacob ignored him and continued talking.

"You've both been through a lot of shit and dad says that's exactly why you're perfect for each other"He rolled his eyes, of course Billy would say something like that, the old man was like Mr Matchmaker since he found himself a woman, or he liked to think he was.

"She loves your daughter like…" He paused and smiled. "…she loves her like Rachel loved her. I just don't want to see either of you get hurt again you will always be my brother and Bella will always be my friend." Paul wasn't sure what to say to that. Jake was a pain in the ass at times but he wasn't that bad. But Bella..._really_? He wasn't so sure he wanted to end up with someone as dysfunctional as he was...

"Well I don't think its really like that Jake. I mean I don't really know her-" Jacob laughed and interrupted him.

"You probably know her better than I do. She's not the same Bella Swan that left here with the leech and you're not the same Paul who would have gone out of his way to make her uncomfortable either. You let her sleep in your house…" He said as if it explained everything. So what if he let her sleep in his house, she was tired and, and yea he could have let her go back to Leah's or go home but what did that matter?

Jacob was watching him, a big stupid grin on his face. He had known all along that smug little bastard. Paul let out a shaky breath, there were too many thoughts passing through his mind to be ignored. His head felt like it was going to spin off his shoulders, dating complete strangers was okay because he had an excuse to ditch them, he had no obligation to get to know them or care for them. If his interest was suddenly(or not so suddenly)sparked by a woman he knew, a woman who he'd spent a lot of time trying to avoid for reasons he didn't want to think about, then it would complicate the hell out of his life...

Walking out of the fog only to be blinded by the sun was not the relief it should have been, he wasn't prepared for any of this.

**Thank you for reading.**


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter nine.

Billy had called Bella and asked her to come talk a couple days after he heard she 'stayed at' Pauls. The friendly, welcoming smile he always greeted her with was replaced by a serious expression.

"I'm going to tell you this one time Isabella." She winced when he used her full name, he could be a very intimidating man when he wanted to be and anyone who used her full name usually intimidated her.

"Paul is going to need some time and I don't think there's a better match out there for him than my daughter, that is what the fates chose for him, for them." Bella nodded her head, she understood this, even if it did sting a tiny bit.

"but fate also took her from him, from us." She nodded along sadly. "and we cant continue to hurt over something that's already been done. Paul too. Rachel wouldn't want for him to be miserable and alone, she would want for someone to make both him and their daughter happy..." Billy looked up and waited for her to meet his eyes before speaking again.

"You are going to do that because they can make you happy too and you all deserve to have that back...that happiness." Bella tried very hard to hold it together but it was a lot to hear at once, Billy thought she could make both Paul and Sierra happy, and he was okay with this?

"I-I'm sorry, I just-I don't even know how I feel about it, well I do but its confusing and how did you know?" Billy chuckled at her and shook his head.

"I felt it before I saw it. His pain, your hurt and the way Sierra balanced you both out. I could see it happening slowly and I think Jake could see it too, that's why he...well you remember." Bella rolled her eyes remembering the way Jake had accused her of basically throwing herself at Paul, that was long before she even really looked at Paul in that way but it was also what sort of opened her eyes to him...

"And you do know how you feel about it, you just have to trust yourself and believe that you deserve to be happy, believe that you deserve to live." Those last four words struck her and Billy was a wise man, he knew exactly what he was talking about. Bella wasn't sure what to say to him, he was basically giving her his blessing and she wasn't sure what to do with it, how could he even be sure Paul would like her that way? She thanked him for his honesty and concern and left even more confused than she had been.

The panic had set in as soon as she left Paul's house that day and it continued on all through the week, even more so after her talk with Billy. It terrified her to think about her feelings, she was not supposed to fall so quickly for a man, especially a man who had only lost his wife just over a year ago. A man who had a child, she wasn't supposed to feel this way about anyone for a very long time, it wasn't the way things were supposed to happen but they did.

For Bella things were certainly never easy but then again, that was life, for everyone. When she thought about her parents or Sue or Billy, people who had lives, dreams, plans and somewhere along their path, those changed. It wasn't a bad thing, not at all, they were happy now and she could be happy one day too, it was just a matter of getting herself over this hurdle. Her past would always be a part of her but she didn't have to let it control her, and she wouldn't.

Shoving the last box she had grown tired of looking at, into the garage Bella wiped her hands and closed the door. That wedding dress and those invitations and old pictures and notes, things she held onto, treasured even, needed to be put away. The more she looked at them the worse she felt and she wanted to remember the good things about those years in her life. It was difficult for her to be happy when she though of Edward or the Cullen's and she didn't want it to be, she needed to replace all the bad with the good and let everything else go. She was trying.

Paul called before he and Sierra were leaving and Bella was practically gnawing off her finger tips and burning a hole through her floorboards as she bit her nails and paced in her front room. She had almost expected Paul to call during the week to cancel, to find any reason to bail but he didn't and she knew it was because Sierra was so excited about it, the love he had for his daughter was the thing she liked most about him, he would do anything to make her happy even tag along to a slumber party...

A knock on the door snapped her back into the present, Paul and Sierra were standing there and her nerves disappeared, the stress and the worry about everything else had taken a vacation, she knew they'd be back but she had to enjoy what was right in front of her.

"Sorry we're late, she forgot her tiger and we had to drive back to get it." Bella stepped aside to let them in, she felt like her face was going to split in half from smiling so hard and she hoped she wasn't creeping either of them out.

"No worries, I had a few things to tidy up anyway. So did you both eat already?" Sierra shook her head before running into the house and jumping on the couch. Paul was right behind her, grabbing her hand to keep her from jumping all over the place.

"Nah, she was too anxious to get here. I don't think she ate all of her lunch either, Billy didn't say much about it when I went to pick her up." Paul was sitting beside Sierra holding her down as he looked around Bella's living room. She wondered what he expected to see when he walked in the door, maybe padded walls. And she also wondered if Billy talked to him as well...

"Okay good. I mean I haven't eaten either and I was about to cook. What do you feel like eating?" She looked to Sierra first, because this was all for her and Paul would go along with what she wanted and so would Bella.

"Pizza!" Sierra shouted, Paul was watching Bella with an odd expression when she looked to him for approval, something about that look made her want to blush and she turned away before he could see it.

"Sure we could do pizza, you okay with that Bella? I'll buy." She turned around to look at them and nodded. Cooking might lead her to start a fire or something with him there she couldn't imagine being able to concentrate, she suddenly felt nervous again.

"I can pay I'm the host of this slumber party anyway." Paul narrowed his eyes and shook his head at her and Sierra copied him, it was sort of adorable and she couldn't help but smile at them both. "Fine then we'll split the cost." She pulled out the menu not waiting for an answer from him and they agreed on cheese pizza's all around, or rather Sierra picked and they nodded along.

Sierra brought a few of her favourite movies, Bella smiled as Paul made himself comfortable on her tiny sofa, he might not be a werewolf anymore but he was still a pretty big guy. He caught her staring and she could feel her face heat up and she turned away from him again, she felt like some preteen with her very first crush it was sort of ridiculous. Half way through the Lion King, the pizza arrived and Bella could feel herself becoming more and more tense.

They ate while Sierra talked about her favourite parts of the movie and then she'd occasionally stop to ask Bella random questions about something she spotted in her living room and continue watching the movie. At one point she jumped up and started singing along and Bella grinned from ear to ear, it was easy for her to relax when Sierra was there.

As the night wore on she could feel the anxiety rising, especially after Sierra fell asleep. When Paul came back to the living room after packing Sierra off to the guest room Bella tried to calm herself down, it wasn't the first time she was alone with him while aware of her feelings for him, but something seemed different this time and she wasn't sure why that was, but it was making her nervous.

"I'll sleep on the couch out here, she's a little bed hog and I'd probably end up on the floor anyway." Bella forced out a laugh and hoped it didn't sound all high and pitchy, Paul noticed.

"You alright over there?" Nodding she smiled at him.

"No. Yea I'm good and I have an air mattress you can use, you'll have to help me move the couch out of the way but its better than you trying to squeeze onto this little couch." She looked around the living room awkwardly, trying to avoid eye contact. It wasn't this weird before and maybe she was imagining it all. Paul laughed and she turned around to look at him.

"Am I making you uncomfortable?" He had his eyebrow raised and she shook her head a little too quickly.

"No, well yea but I don't know I haven't really had anyone here, well I mean I haven't had a guy over and..." She needed to stop talking before she made a giant fool of herself and admitted something she wasn't ready to admit.

"You don't have guys over here...ever?" He managed to sound surprised in a way that she didn't feel insulted, which she easily could have been.

"No. I'm not, I mean I don't or I haven't really ever um..." He tilted his head and watched her, then his mouth fell open a bit, like he finally found what he was looking for.

"Holy shit are you a virgin?" Why did he have to look so shocked? Bella shook her head and took a breath before answering him, there wasn't anything complicated about it but it felt weird talking to someone about it.

"No, well not technically." He barked out a laugh and then covered his mouth, remembering his daughter was asleep. She glared at him and waited for him to stop.

"You were married for what? Four years right? You didn't have sex at all?" Shaking her head again Bella thought it might help to explain things, even if she really didn't have to, she wanted to, for some reason.

"We tried and well he freaked because of the blood and then he ran and it was an experience that neither of us was willing to try again..." His mouth was hanging open as he looked at her and it was making her feel self conscious.

"Well that's...I don't even know what to say that. And you've never done anything with anyone else?" Bella shook her head again, she had thought about it but when it came down to it, she was never comfortable enough to try again.

"I'm not like _that_ Paul. I have gone this long and its not going to kill me to wait a bit longer." It wasn't, or at least that's what she kept telling herself, even if it felt like she was going to explode from all the pent up frustration that had been building up.

"I didn't mean like that. But wow. I'm a little surprised, I mean that you were married that long and not...being taken care of." Bella looked at him and shrugged her shoulders. It wasn't something she stopped thinking about when she was with Edward, he took care of her in every way but _that_ way.

"Well I had school and I ran..._a lot_" That made him laugh and she continued. "I just didn't think about it with him, like at all. I mean we didn't even kiss, we just weren't...intimate at all really." Paul was sitting there staring at her, she thought he might be in shock or something. "Please stop staring at me like that, I know its freaky or whatever but I don't need to be reminded of how strange I am, I was married to a vampire if you remember." Eventually closing his mouth and blinking he nodded.

"Sorry. I feel bad now. I wasn't trying to say you're some whore and I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I'm pretty messed up too, don't forget I turned into a giant wolf before. I'm strange too." She smiled and nodded her head.

"That you are." He smiled and they were quiet for a few moments, it wasn't uncomfortable but they both needed a minute to collect themselves, him from his obvious shock and her from having admitted to practically still being a divorced virgin.

After their somewhat awkward conversation they put on a movie and Bella could hardly think about anything else but how easily she had confessed everything to him. It didn't really bother her, she just felt exposed and talking about sex with a guy she was pretty sure she wanted to sleep with, wasn't as humiliating as it probably should have been.

"What was it that you loved about the...guy anyway?" Turning away from the movie she wasn't watching to look at him, Bella was thoughtful for a moment.

"I don't know. I just did. It wasn't like he tricked me into it or anything. I was younger and more foolish I guess. I met him and all of a sudden he was like everything to me. Its sort of hard to explain, I mean after he left me the first time I shouldn't have taken him back but I did because he pretty much consumed my every thought and it was hard to let him go." Bella shook her head like she was trying to make those feelings and that past disappear.

"I get it. It was some werewolf magic with me and Rach but I get it. One day she walked into my life and that was it." Bella stared at him sadly, she wished she could offer him something, anything to make that pain in his voice go away. "Its okay now, I'm back to being more me again, I wasn't really the same with her. Its not like I didn't love her because I did, I do. I just wasn't the same person." That was something Bella definitely understood.

"I couldn't have left her if I wanted to, which I didn't but I mean you see how fucked up that is right? Its hard to see the faults in imprinting when you're so caught up devoting everything to her, being everything she wants and needs. You lose yourself and I swear I loved her without the damn imprint but I just hate thinking that she wasn't my choice when I probably would have found her myself. I hate that I didn't choose her and she didn't choose me..." It took Bella a moment to absorb all of what he was saying.

"I'm not saying I wouldn't do it all over again, because I would. I just wish I could have fallen in love with her without the imprint..." Bella nodded and didn't realize how close she was to him until she reached her hand to touch his face. What the hell was she doing! she couldn't seem to stop herself and she'd have to relearn some boundaries after this night was over.

But the thing was Paul didn't stop her, he leaned into her hand and she could feel her heart hammering hard against her rib cage. It was definitely not appropriate to try and kiss someone after they talked about their deceased wife. Dropping her hand slowly she scooted back, needing space, she should not be crowding him, especially at this particular moment.

"I'm sorry Paul. I'm not sure what came over me." She felt completely stupid and she really didn't want to look at him, So it caught her off guard when she felt his fingers at her chin, tilting her head up and making sure she was looking at him. Paul didn't say anything, he leaned forward brushing his lips against hers and so many things clicked into place at that moment and Bella finally jumped that last hurdle.

Not wanting to ruin a moment neither of them seemed to move, they were locked in place, their faces still inches from each other. Her lips tingled and she wanted to reach up and touch them but she didn't move. When the shock wore off she licked her lips and closed that little bit of distance again, it was both strange and wonderful to be able to touch, to kiss, to want someone after so long. Bella's hands moved up his arms and settled on his shoulders.

She knew Paul was still hurting and she wanted to be able to take away some of that pain but part of her wanted to pull back and give him a moment, or many moments to realize how messed up she was and run far, far away. He deserved someone who wasn't so emotionally damaged, Sierra deserved someone who wasn't so...her. Bella felt him stop.

"What's wrong?" He sounded so worried, like he had done something to her. Shaking her head Bella realized they had moved and they were lying on her couch and he was hovering over her.

"I'm so fucked up. I just kissed you after all you said and I didn't even want to stop. I mean, I'm- I'm a mess Paul and I'm the last person you should get involved with. God, I'm so sorry." He laughed and it shook her and the couch.

"Actually _I_ kissed you and I don't think its up to you to decide what you think is good for me. I know you're fucked up..." She scowled at him and it made him laugh again. "We're both fucked up." She couldn't see how he thought he was messed up, it wasn't like he had a choice in the way things turned out in his life. "You're thinking too hard about this." and before she could say anything his lips were back on hers and she stopped thinking.

It was both the best and worst timing for Sierra to wake up and call for her dad at that moment. He gave Bella a kiss on the nose and jumped up to get to his daughter. As she lay on there on the couch still dizzy, she couldn't think of a reason to want to stop this...whatever it was from happening between them.

It was going to be difficult and it was going to take time but she thought about the two other people in her house and decided that if he wanted her she would wait, for as long as takes...

**As always thanks for reading :)**


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter ten.

Instead of flipping everything on its side in one night Paul decided it was best to do something he'd never done with a woman before…tread carefully, cautiously and go slow. Even if it was physically painful to come that close to release, he obviously had learned something from his years with Rachel, she had taught him a lot, he had respect for himself and for the woman he was currently falling all over himself for, he knew that although Bella was a ticking time bomb when it came to her own needs, she wasn't ready and he wasn't so sure he was there yet either.

Although he thought he probably should have felt guilty and ashamed even thinking about anyone other than Rachel, he didn't. If it had been her left behind he'd want for her to have someone to take care of her again, someone to love her and comfort her. Did he miss her? Of course he did. If he could turn back time and have her back, he would but he couldn't and life had to go on.

The morning wasn't as awkward as he thought it would be, Paul woke up to the smell of something burning and hauled himself off the uncomfortable air mattress Bella set up for him the night before, he laughed to himself as he noticed it was half deflated and thought he might as well have slept on the floor. He got up to stretch and move toward the smell and there in the kitchen was his daughter stirring a small bowl beside Bella, both looked up at him and smiled, he noted that the feeling of seeing them together was back, something or everything about it made him feel happier.

"Daddy we're making pamcakes for you." Sierra was concentrating on the small bowl she was mixing while Bella supervised, he looked around the kitchen, stopping on the blackened pan near the sink and raised an eyebrow at her. Shrugging her shoulders Bella smiled at him before turning back to Sierra and helping her down from the stool she had been perched on.

"Go stick this bowl in the sink and then we can choose shapes for our pancakes okay?" It took all of his self control not to walk up to her and put his arms around this woman's waist because it just felt like something he should do. Snapping himself back to reality where Bella was now smirking at him he moved over to the other side of her tiny kitchen and looked at the floor.

"Whoa…" Was all he could say, there were broken eggs and flour and a bunch of other wet and sticky things dripping from the counter, where Sierra had been sitting. Bella looked up again and smiled.

"Its alright, I think since she did such a wonderful job making her daddy breakfast, its only fair that you help with the clean up, don't you think?" Bella winked at Sierra as she nodded along, Paul looked between the two of them in disbelief, of course he'd help clean up but he didn't want to look like a pushover. Letting out a sigh he turned to his daughter and nodded.

"This better be the bestest breakfast in the whole wide world pup, that's a big mess to clean up." Sierra nodded her head and put her hand over her heart.

"I promise it is." Both him and Bella chuckled at her serious expression, she reminded Paul of Rachel and it wasn't so painful anymore, she left all the best parts of her behind in their daughter and it still stung but it wasn't as bad as it was. When she was all done putting her dirty dishes in the sink Sierra turned back to Bella to help her pick out shapes.

The funny thing about Sierra was she might have only been four and a half but she had moments that made him believe she was much older, she understood a lot of the world around her. When he caught her smiling as she looked between himself and Bella at the table he figured it was probably going to be a long drive home with lots of questions, he hoped she'd at least wait until they left before asking…

After the three of them were done eating Sierra went to watch cartoons and he and Bella got to work on cleaning the kitchen. It amazed him that she was so relaxed about it, she had absolutely no problem letting Sierra break eggs and spill flour or milk, she was incredibly patient and even happily humming along to whatever song was playing from her small radio, while she scrubbed and wiped everything down.

"You're supposed to helping me Paul. Not watching while I do all the work." Her tone was light and teasing. Instead of fighting himself again, he moved over to her side and grabbed her hand. The small smile on her lips as he leaned in gave him that last little push he needed. Kissing her against the counter while she still had a scrubber in her hands was sort of hot, she smiled before pulling back and letting out a breath, he thought maybe he wasn't the only one trying to keep things from flying off the tracks before they even had a real chance of going anywhere.

The door to the kitchen swung open and he tripped over his own feet and nearly fell on his ass as Sierra walked in. Again he could tell by the way she was looking at him, that she probably had it all worked out in that mind of hers already.

It was a long day and he was paranoid that his daughter was going to blurt out something he wasn't so sure of yet, every other moment. When they were finally ready to leave Bella hugged Sierra and kissed her on the head before doing the same to her stuffed tiger, she surprised him when she turned to him and wrapped her arms around him.

"Can I call you later?" He wanted to throw her in his truck and take her home with him but that would have probably raised a lot more questions that he wasn't sure he had the answers to, so phoning her was really the safer option. Bella nodded and stepped back as he buckled Sierra in.

"I'll be visiting Billy tomorrow." He wondered if Billy had the 'talk' with her as well, he didn't doubt it, the old man was unstoppable when it came to finding new ways to bring them together. Paul nodded and then pulled her in again, he liked that she didn't push him away and she seemed to be comfortable enough to be in his arms. Instead of kissing her like he wanted to he brushed his lips along her jaw to her ear and smiled as he felt her shiver, pulling himself away he looked to the window where Sierra was watching them, Bella noticed and pulled herself together and blew her a kiss before waving to the both of them.

As he expected the drive home was full of questions from Sierra, he could see her mulling them over from the rear view mirror.

"Is Bella your girlfriend now?" Her little eyebrows were pulled together as she waited for him to answer.

"She's my friend and I like her but she's not my girlfriend." He could see her nodding her head from the back as she thought over his answer.

"Do you want her to be your girlfriend?" There would never be a day he'd underestimate his little girl in his life. She was smart and every question she ever asked was something she was genuinely concerned or curious about, she wasn't just a kid asking them to have the attention of grown ups, there was an order she went by and he was positive she had a mental checklist and she probably ticked off each question according to category, today's category was Bella and he wasn't sure if it was a good idea to be honest with his daughter, especially if he wasn't sure what he wanted yet.

"I don't know." Nodding her head again she moved onto the next topic which was thankfully Billy's girlfriend Laura.

"If she's my papa's girlfriend is she my nana?" Paul silently cursed Billy for even teaching her the word girlfriend and decided that he could be the one to answer these questions.

"I think you'll have to ask him yourself baby." Letting out a tiny sigh of impatience Sierra nodded and moved along.

"Can I be Chad's girlfriend?" It was a good thing they were almost home because Paul could feel the blinding headache coming on. Imagining his daughter being anyone's girlfriend was painful. Imagining one of Sam and Emily's boys with his daughter was even more painful. The odds of the boys phasing probably wasn't likely but if the Leeches ever decided to come back they would probably be the first to phase and if his daughter was unfortunate enough to end up with one of them and not be imprinted on…he didn't want to think about it. They pulled up to their house just then and he turned around to answer her.

"No baby, you can't be anyone's girlfriend until you're 34 years old." Sierra giggled as she unbuckled her self. "Now no more questions about girlfriends or boyfriends for the rest of the night."

Not long after he and Sierra were done eating dinner, Jacob barged through the door, he looked more irritated than usual, that is until he looked at Sierra. Paul rolled his eyes.

"How was your sleepover sweetheart?" As Sierra gave him a play by play of their evening and morning, Jake seemed to relax a bit. There was this tiny part of him that refused to let go of Bella and it was almost pathetic but Paul wasn't going to push it, he was a grown man and he could sort through his issues all on his own.

Sierra went upstairs to brush her teeth and get ready for bed and Jake moved to sit directly across from Paul, he wasn't sure why the idiot thought he could still intimidate him after all these years, it was ridiculous.

"What happened?" Raising an eyebrow at Jake Paul stayed silent. "So you're not going to tell me then?" Shaking his head Paul grunted, the quicker he got this over with the better.

"I kissed her, she kissed back. She went to bed. I went to bed…separately. I woke up and she was helping my daughter make me breakfast." Jake stopped glaring at him and let his body slump forward as he put his face in his hands.

"Fuck. I know I'm doing it again and dad said to get over it but I, I can't. I don't even like her like that its just…" Paul kept quiet, this was obviously something he needed to get out of his system and it was better that he did that without his input. "…I'm trying to stay out of it but she's like family or…I don't even know anymore I just feel like I still need to look out for her." Instead of being insulted as he could have been Paul nodded in understanding.

"I'm not just going to fuck her and chuck her Jake and you're a bigger asshole than I thought if you believe that. You should be proud of her for being able to take care of herself, she's been doing it a while you know…" Jacob looked up at him and nodded. "I'm not going to hurt her so you don't have to worry about that."

Sierra came back down the stairs and threw herself back into her uncle's arms effectively ending that conversation to Paul's relief, he didn't want to be spilling his guts all over the place for Jacob to see, it was bad enough all his friends were going to know what was going on as soon as they phased with _this_ big mouth and then the rest of the rez would know when Billy found out.

The next few days were as torturous as he expected them to be. Leah was the first to show up and grill him after Jacob, she wanted to know exactly what his intentions were with her (step)sister, to which he responded that he really wanted to test her out and see where it went from there, Leah didn't seem to find the humour in it but she let it go and then there was everyone else that wanted to offer their support or wish him luck. It was painful and he knew it wouldn't have been like this with any one else but since they all knew Bella and her past they felt it was their right to stick their noses in his business and protect her, or him or both of them.

Although he still talked to her and texted her, he hadn't seen Bella in a week. It actually made him nervous when he thought about having to see her again because he knew things had changed and eventually they would change again and at some point it would turn into a more serious relationship. Mentally kicking himself in the ass he shook the thought from his head, when the hell did he turn into a sixteen year old girl?

When Bella asked him straight up why he hadn't asked her on a date yet he realized the woman had more balls than he did and asked her out. There wasn't a plan because he wasn't really good at that sort of thing and he wasn't about to ask Leah or someone to help him cover those bases, it seemed weird and it bothered him that she'd think about it when she phased and everyone would know. He seriously needed normal friends.

When he picked her up he took one look at her and wanted to haul her ass back inside her house and forget about his half assed plans. In all of his memories, or Jakes or anyone else's memories of her, he couldn't remember her looking so…sexy. Of course he was attracted to her but he'd never seen _this_ part of her and it made him want to forget about the 'taking it slow' thing and strip everything but the boots she had on, off of her.

Locking her door she turned back around and looked him over, she was killing him and she knew it. Releasing her lip from her teeth she smiled sweetly at him.

"Ready to go?" Nodding his head dumbly because he seemed to be incapable of much else, Paul led her to his truck and helped her in. The drive wasn't all silent, she talked to him about dinner at Charlie and Sue's and how weird her dad got when Seth brought up the sleepover and how Seth called her to tell her that he'd been gossiping to Billy about it. He told her about the pack and all of their 'concerns'. The people in their lives needed to be reminded that they were adults, sure they had both been through some bullshit but they were still standing weren't they? They could handle their own lives.

After they ate dinner, he had to stop it from becoming a cheesy date and they went to a pool hall instead of going to a movie or a walk along the water or something equally ridiculous. It reeked of cigarette smoke and stale alcohol but Bella didn't seem to mind, she kicked his ass on the break but eventually he won the first game. While she racked the balls, he noticed that there were several pairs of eyes on her, not that he could blame them, she was wearing the tightest jeans he'd ever seen her wear and her boots made her legs look a mile longer than they were, it didn't help that where her shirt wasn't clinging, it was exposing a sliver of her stomach and the neck line was plunging so her tits were on display…yea of course he wasn't going to be the only man to notice.

Bella caught him looking, she waited for him to meet her eyes and then winked before leaning over to take her shot. Shaking his head again, for the millionth time that night, Paul decided it was time to get her out of there and somewhere she couldn't taunt him.

It might have been his best or worst idea, he couldn't be sure yet, when they got to his truck Bella moved from her side to his and then onto his lap so quickly he didn't have time to think, she was kissing him and moving her hips dangerously close to his.

This woman was clearly trying to find a release and did he want to give it to her? Fuck yea but he wasn't sure he trusted himself to stop and he did not want to be on a list of her regrets or whatever later. Paul gripped her sides and pulled his head back to stop her for a minute. He noticed that her eyes were welling up with every second that went by.

She was feeling rejected and he felt bad but he knew he'd feel a lot worse if he just went along with something she wanted to have over and done with. He tilted her chin so she was looking at him.

"Hey…look where we are for a second." He gave her a moment to actually look around her before continuing. "I'll probably kick myself for this later but its not the best place to do what you're thinking of doing Bella." She nodded her head before resting it on his chest.

"I know and I'm sorry, its just…I've been thinking a lot about you. And I promised myself I'd be patient but I just kept thinking, I'm not really sure what I was thinking to be honest." Paul chuckled and she lifted her head up to narrow her eyes at him.

"I'm not laughing at you. I just know exactly what you're feeling. I thought I was the one who needed to be patient." Bella laughed and then rested her head against him again. They sat there, her on his lap, in a comfortable silence for a few moments before she pulled herself up and moved back over to her seat.

"Paul will you stay with me tonight, we don't have to do anything, I just want someone to be there…" she paused to take a breath. "…when I wake up." He had to get himself together before nodding, he understood that need for comfort. It cut at him a little bit to look at her. Even when she was married she was alone and it wasn't just about sex or having a warm body to wake up next to, she wanted to be loved, wanted and cared for, he understood that.

Sierra was spending the night with Leah and Embry and he knew she'd be fine but he called to let them know where he'd be. Of course it earned him a line of questioning from Leah and he promised to answer each and every one of them another time, he hung up and found Bella in the kitchen. The house seemed a lot bigger and quieter without Sierra there and he was really starting to see Bella. He remembered seeing her on the beach and wondering why she'd be out by herself, it was probably to get away from all this silence and emptiness.

Pulling her up from the chair he led her to her room and lay down beside her. Both of them were still dressed and he held her until she fell asleep, her tiny body never left his arms. It didn't have to be anything because neither of them had to be anything for the other, he breathed her in and noticed that it was easy, simple and right without his senses being clouded over by his past, this was where he fit.

**As always thank you for reading :)**


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter eleven.

There was a phone ringing somewhere in her house and she didn't want to wake up to look for it. It didn't take her long to realize that she wasn't dreaming and that she was tucked comfortably into Paul's side…in her bed. Opening her eyes Bella smiled, she was face to chest with him, they were both fully dressed when they fell asleep but he must have taken his shirt off at some point, not that she was complaining. Paul cleared his throat and she couldn't stop the blush that crept up on her.

As she was trying to find something to say that wouldn't turn her face three different shades of red, the phone rang again. The clock beside her bed read seven and no one but her parents ever called her this early, her parents and sometimes Leah. Sighing impatiently she tried to remove herself from him but he held her firmly in place, not that she really wanted to move.

"It's probably Charlie calling to find out if the gossip he heard from Billy about me sneaking out with you, is true. " Paul let out a husky sounding laugh, she decided she liked the way it sounded and wondered if it was a little obsessive or weird that she wanted to hear it every morning from now on…it had to be at least borderline obsessive but she didn't really care, it was true, not that she'd tell him or anyone for that matter.

The phone stopped ringing and she sighed knowing that if it was her dad he would keep calling her until she answered, he was paranoid and she knew that she gave him enough reason to be in the past but at some point the man was going to have to trust her again. Paul was still looking at her, his eyes were all heavy and his fingers were brushing against her hip and if he didn't want her to tackle him he was going to have to stop. She realized that he hadn't said any word yet or maybe he had but she was too busy thinking about everything else, okay maybe not everything, just him and her and her bed with a lot less clothes, maybe no clothes at all…

"You're going to drive yourself crazy with all that thinking you're doing." He finally said to her, she blushed again hoping it wasn't obvious _what_ she was thinking about. Bella let out a sigh, she thought that she might explode the first time he touched her properly. Hell, she knew how to take care of herself but having someone touch, kiss and want her was going to send her over the edge and she was fairly confident that the man in her bed wanted her as much as she wanted him.

"Oh god Bella you need to stop biting your lip when you look at me like that…" She gave him her most innocent look, although she knew that the whole 'bedroom eyes' wasn't all that innocent and that's all it took. Bella was being pinned between her bed and a half naked Paul. Already a heated mess, Paul's lips on hers had her burning, her skin tight jeans were suffocating her and her clingy shirt needed to come off now. But she knew that even if it felt like she was going to burn a hole through her panties from the heat, she didn't dare try to take them or any of her clothes off. Already knowing what the sting of rejection felt like she wasn't prepared to go through it again. Paul must have been sensing her hesitation, that or all the fear of him not wanting her at all had turned her immobile and unresponsive...that was probably it.

"You okay?" Bella smiled, nodding her head. "I'm not expecting you to do anything you're not ready for…if that's what you're worried about."

"I'm not worried about that." Deciding that being honest with him was probably the best way to get over this issue, she told him. "I don't want to want this more than you is all." He looked at her, his mouth slightly turned up and shook his head.

"I don't think you have any idea how much I want this… how much I want you." Bella shivered underneath him, she could feel him pressed up against her. Leaning down Paul nipped at her neck and kissed and licked his way back to her mouth. "I want to tear off all these clothes…" Paul continued to run his hand along her side, lifting her shirt as he went. "Its been a long fucking time Bella." Her heart was hammering hard in her chest, she couldn't hear anything but his shallow breaths and the pounding in her ears. Repositioning himself he continued touching her, the heat was becoming unbearable as he kissed her. Whatever senses she had were long gone, Bella wrapped her legs around him and moaned when he ground himself against her. Knowing they were four layers apart, that these layers of unnecessary fabric were what was stopping him from being buried deep inside of her, was driving her insane, she started wishing she was brave enough to have worn a skirt last night or to have at least had the sense to take off her damn clothes like he did.

The phone rang again and she cursed the damn thing for being invented, Paul chuckled at her frustration before rolling onto his side, still breathing heavily, to let her up.

"You'd better get that, it might be important."She nodded, it might be important but it probably wasn't. It took another minute for her body to stop trembling, she was so close and it was so incredibly painful to pull herself up from her bed but she did it, grudgingly, but she still did it. Forcing herself out the door, down the stairs to where her god awful cordless phone was now silent she picked it up to check her missed calls, Charlie…of course.

There were three messages from him, his calm voice telling her to call him back to let him know she was still alive, it nearly sent her into a rage. Dialling Sue and Charlie's, he picked up sounding too cheerful to really be worried she wanted to scream at him but obviously she didn't, she would have felt bad about it later.

"Good morning sweetheart I just wanted to call to make sure you made it home from your date safely last night." Shaking her head Bella felt her jaw tighten, he could not be serious. Charlie knew very well who she went out with, if she didn't tell him Billy or Sue or even Seth would have told him, of course he knew she was with Paul and he wouldn't just leave her somewhere of course she made it home safely. It was obvious that he had somehow found out that Paul stayed over(probably Billy) and now he was aiming to make her as uncomfortable as possible.

"Really dad?" She was trying to be sarcastic but she was speaking through clenched teeth and Charlie chuckled. "I'm fine, now what are you really calling about?" Although she was tempted to just hang up now that he knew she was safe and whatever she knew he'd probably call back or worse, drop by, she waited for him to say whatever it was that he actually had called for.

"Oh come on Bells cant a father call his daughter on a Saturday morning to see how she's doing?" Bella snorted, he was being ridiculous and he knew it, he had to know it, of course he knew it. "I talked to Billy this morning and Leah dropped Sierra off there and it turns out Paul didn't go home last night, you wouldn't happen to know where he was…would you?" Rolling her eyes at both Charlie and Billy, those two were the worst when it came to gossip and really why couldn't they sleep in for a change it was the weekend for Christ's sake.

"Paul stayed here last night and I'm pretty sure Billy and Leah know that, in fact, I'm pretty everyone knows about it, which means you must have known too. If that's all you called for I'm going to hang up now, bye dad." She did not want to give him a chance to pry any further into her business, although in a moment of insanity she thought about telling him he interrupted something. Something she hadn't had ever, well not really, thinking better of sharing details of her sex life with her dad, she hung up.

Deep calming breaths were not helping and she didn't think she could just walk back upstairs and continue what she was doing, not while she thought about how irritating it was to be treated like she was a child. Did they really think she was that irresponsible or incapable of dealing on her own? She was so fucking close and she glared at her phone, it might have been a tad bit over dramatic to rip the cord from the wall to make her point but she considered it, of course she didn't though.

"Everything okay?" Bella turned around to look at Paul, it was a little discouraging to know that they were basically under a microscope from all the people they knew.

"No." She didn't want to pout like a child but she couldn't help it. "That was my dad, apparently you didn't go home last night and he was concerned." Paul laughed and grabbed her hand, pulling her into his arms.

"Is that all?" Her mouth fell open but no words came out, she thought it was a good enough reason to be upset at the moment. Paul continued. "He's just worried about you Bella, he knows what you've been through and he doesn't want to see you get hurt again, he cant help it, he's a dad and you are his only daughter." Of course he was right but even he had to understand that Charlie was overdoing the parenting thing by calling her the morning after her date, knowing he was there.

"I know but seriously Paul he called like five times." Paul nodded his head.

"Yea that's a bit much but if it makes you feel any better Leah called me twice, Billy called three times and everyone else called me, I'm pretty sure your dad left me a message too." Bella shook her head, she should at least be glad that no one barged through her door to come and check in on them, although they might as well have.

"Well since your dad cock blocked me and I wont be able to get back to sleep, what do you say we go get us some breakfast?" She wanted to protest and tell him she could cook but she really didn't want to, she hated having to cook all the time and if she could get a break for at least one morning, she'd take it.

"Sure, just let me um change…" Paul smirked, he knew very well that he had helped in soaking her panties and messing up her hair as well as pushed her a little closer to spontaneous combustion, she really was going to burst into flames one of these days if she wasn't careful.

After they ate she knew Paul had to get back to Sierra, she felt bad about keeping him away this long, he dropped her off at home promising to call her when he got the chance. Bella sat down in her very quiet house and smiled to herself, even if she was going to bed by herself tonight and probably for the rest of the week, she didn't feel so alone anymore.

It was another week before she got to see Paul again, he worked and she really didn't like interfering with his and Sierra's routine during the weekdays. There was only a few weeks left before school started again and she was doing her best to enjoy it. After Charlie apologized to her and she convinced him that she was a grown woman and could manage an adult relationship he agreed to not call her until after 10 on the weekend and not to gossip to Billy about her, or Paul…she knew they still would but it was worth a shot.

There weren't a lot of things to do around Forks or La Push as far as dates went and she found that Paul was a fairly creative man. Thankfully he wasn't a giant sap, she appreciated that he was thoughtful but not mushy.

For their second date he made sure she was dressed warm and down at the beach in La Push early. When he tossed her a life jacket she wasn't sure whether to take him seriously or not. Grabbing her by her hand he led her to an aluminium boat that she probably should have noticed but didn't because it was still early and plus there was Paul in the flesh and she didn't pay attention to much else when he was there. The water was surprisingly calm, he made sure that she was comfortable before pushing them from the beach and hopping in, she recognized the boat as Billy's, he and her dad fished in it.

When he stopped the boat in the middle of the water she had to wonder if he actually brought her fishing…her dad and Billy were probably pissing themselves laughing about it right now. Paul sat down beside her quietly and it was starting to make her nervous, she wasn't sure what they were doing out there. When she saw a spray of water followed by a large dark fin she nearly had a heart attack, she reached for his arm and held on for dear life. In all the time she'd lived in Forks and spent in La Push she had never seen a whale and there was a pod right in front of her eyes. It was both exhilarating and terrifying.

The way they cut through the still water was beautiful and Bella couldn't seem to slow her heart or catch her breath, every time one came up she stood to watch, still holding onto Paul, and she was pretty sure she said 'wow' at least a hundred times and he remained quiet, when they were far enough away she finally turned to him.

"Oh. My. God." Her eyes were bright and she knew she probably had the hugest grin on her face but she really was excited and Paul seemed to be enjoying her reaction. "Wow, they were so close and so huge and oh my god I cant believe how many of them there were." Nodding his head Paul waited until she calmed down a bit before saying anything, she hadn't been on many dates but she knew without a doubt this was it, the best one ever and even Paul wouldn't be able to top this.

"So this was okay then?" Bella looked at him, did he really think that she was this great of an actress? Nodding her head, probably a little too enthusiastically she was still beaming at him.

"It was amazing. I've never seen a whale before and…" She started laughing at her own reaction, Paul raised an eyebrow at her. "I mean I've watched you and the rest of the pack turn into a giant wolves and I've seen sparkly vampires but this, this was just so much more…incredible." Sighing as she still clung to him she continued. "They made me feel so small and is it weird that I like feeling so insignificant right now?" Tilting his head to the side Paul studied her for a moment before shaking his head, she continued on.

"They didn't even know we were here, or they did and they just kept going. Wow" Bella stopped herself and smiled at him before leaning over to kiss him on the cheek. "Thank you." Paul was unusually quiet and she thought maybe all her excitement had been too much for him.

When they made it back to La Push he helped her out of the boat and they made their way back to his house. His silence was making her nervous, she was afraid that she had somehow scared him off or something. Sensing her anxiety he pulled her into his side and kissed the top of her head, she allowed the relief to wash over her and let out a breath, she tried not to doubt herself when he was around but she still found it difficult to believe he wasn't going to realize that for all the trouble she brought, she probably wasn't worth it. It was crazy but she really believed he would figure it out and get away while he could.

"I'm glad you enjoyed yourself." He laughed to himself, thankfully oblivious to her moment of self doubt. "I just fucked myself over didn't I? I mean how the hell am I supposed to top this?" Bella gave him a weak smile nodding, she really needed to get over her issues and she was trying. What he didn't know is he could sit in a room doing absolutely nothing with her, call it a date, and she'd be happy. Of course she wasn't going to confess this to him.

Jacob walked in the door with Sierra, Bella tried to remove herself from his arms, not wanting to make things awkward or complicated but Paul held her in place.

"Bella!" Sierra ran over and jumped in her lap, she so easily made Bella forget every doubt about Paul about everything with her smile. It was so simple with her and she drove away all of her fears and doubts by just existing. Wrapping her arms around the little girl Bella breathed feeling comfortable again. It wasn't that Paul made her uncomfortable, she loved being around him as often as possible but she couldn't help the twisted thoughts that showed up when it was just the two of them sometimes.

"So how was the um…fishing trip?" Jake had a stupid grin on his face as he looked between her and Paul. She was glad that he seemed to be getting over whatever issue it was he had but he had replaced being overprotective with turning everything into some innuendo and Bella thought most times it was funny, he could at least save it for when Sierra wasn't around. "Did you two rock the boat?" Paul laughed and Bella held her tongue as she narrowed her eyes at both men.

After an unnecessary amount of ribbing from him, Jacob finally left. They sat there while Sierra talked about her day with her papa Billy and auntie Amanda and uncle Jake, before Paul got up to start cooking she looked between them.

"Bella is daddy your boyfriend now?" Well that was straightforward and she wondered if Sierra had been hanging out with Leah a little too much. She sure sounded like her. Looking to Paul for help he just shrugged his shoulders, a lot of help that was. They had officially been on only two dates and she felt silly for even having to think about it.

"Um, I don't know sweetie." Looking back at Paul who was now smirking at her, she wondered if he already went through this line of questioning with his daughter, he hadn't mentioned it but she could understand why. It was sort of a strange way to approach the subject but she knew they'd have to eventually.

"Paul are you my boyfriend?" Sierra turned to look at her dad. There was no panic in his eyes the way she expected, he was still smiling as he shrugged again then nodded at Sierra.

"Sure if you want me to be." It would probably bother her that they were determining their relationship status through a child later but Sierra looked at Bella her eyes wide, her pigtails bobbed as she nodded her head.

"She does!" Sierra shouted startling both of them, Bella pressed her lips together to keep herself from laughing as she nodded. Things were so simple, easy and uncomplicated when Sierra was around.

It wasn't really a normal way to start a relationship she knew that but she wasn't normal and neither was he. Bella didn't think it would ever be easy for them, they both had past lives and past loves to deal with. There were things they had to remember to move forward and things that they needed to let go.

It would be difficult but she liked the idea of having something with him.

**As always thank you for reading :)**


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter twelve.

Bruised ribs, a bruised face and worst, a bruised ego. Great. Paul was still learning to deal with his temper and yea he was still a big guy and he could always fight, he just had a lot less strength than he did a year ago and that part was sometimes easy to forget. The idiot he worked with started talking shit about his personal life and it pissed him off, he ignored it, he had been ignoring it for the past two weeks but today he had enough, today was the last straw.

He sat there in the hospital at Forks, trying not to have some sort of anxiety attack, the last time he was here his wife and son died and even with normal senses, it reeked of death. Jacob was on his way to pick him up and he felt like such an ass for having to be picked up in the first place, like he was some kid. The other guy, Tom the piece of shit had a broken nose, shattered jaw and a few fractured and broken bones, it was possible he had other injuries too, those were the only ones that he heard about so far.

Paul walked away bruised only because a few other guys jumped in to stop him, he knew he should have stopped himself but he couldn't, he was lucky he wasn't getting charged, it took seven guys to hold him down and they all had to use a lot of force.

"What the fuck Paul." Jake walked in and gave him a once over, he had been through this before with both Jake and Sam, it never used to end in a hospital though, back when he could phase and not have to worry about coming to places that made him sick.

"What the hell happened?" He stood up, that hurt and grabbed his shit, he was ready to get the hell out of there.

"Got in a fight, had to be restrained, ended up here." Crossing his arms over his chest, managing to look disappointed while trying to look intimidating, Jake shook his head and followed him out the door, it hurt to breathe and he was honestly regretting it, well mostly.

Thank god he didn't lose his job either a few of the guys talked to their boss and let him know what happened, Tom the idiot was banged up and now jobless. They all let him know that the guy 'got what he deserved', it didn't make him feel any better about it though, he could have killed the guy and would have had to live with himself, he should have stopped or never started, should have kept ignoring the sorry fucker.

They got into Jakes car and of course because he was in beta mode or whatever Jacob needed answers and he wasn't going to go anywhere until he got them. Paul sighed and discovered that action was painful too.

"He was talking shit about Rachel, about Bella." Jake narrowed his eyes, those were both sore spots for him too, he gave him a nod to continue.

"He's an asshole that didn't know how to keep his stupid mouth shut. I don't even know how the fuck he knew any of my business to begin with but he did and every day for the past couple of weeks he's been trying to push me. I kept letting it go but today he just said some shit about me hitting the jackpot when it came to pussy, he actually said that I was lucky I didn't have to deal with a wife anymore, even if she was hot he said some other shit about marriage being a death sentence anyways. I snapped and he's lucky I didn't tear his fucking head off." Jake nodded again, his hands wrapped around the steering wheel tight enough to break it. He sat there steadying his breathing before he started the car and drove back to the rez, they were both silent the whole way.

Sierra cried after she got a look at him, he had a cut lip and a black eye and he didn't think he looked _that_ bad but his daughter never had to see him injured before and he felt worse than he did at the hospital when she looked at him like that. He received pats on the back for 'doing what was right' which would have been fine a few years ago, now he felt like an asshole…he'd get over it.

Someone, probably Charlie or Seth told Bella and she drove down to his place to make sure he was okay, he couldn't really say no to having her nurse him back to health if she wanted to. She looked as shocked as Sierra did and he was positive she'd seen a lot worse…it really wasn't _that_ bad but she was obviously worried and so was Sierra.

"Oh god Paul, are you okay, did anything break?" She sounded a little panicked and looked it too. Paul shook his head from his spot on the couch.

"Its fine, they did x-rays, nothings broken." She sat down on the arm rest just above his head looking between him and Sierra.

"Do I want to know what happened?" Probably not, he couldn't imagine her being to pleased to know she was referred to as 'pussy' and that some jerk-off thought it would be hard to grieve over his hot dead wife when he had this tight little body there to distract him. Paul shook his head, there were too many fucked up things that were said and he didn't really want to have to repeat them to anyone, Jake probably would have offed the shit head if he told him everything, which is why he didn't.

"Nah, you really don't." He looked up at her and chuckled when she winced at the sight of his face, he grabbed her hand before she started trying to poke at him or something . It was a good thing she wasn't one of those women who needed to know everything about everything, she understood that some things were just better left alone, amen for that.

"Okay, well I'm glad you're okay and I'm here if you need anything." He raised his eyebrow, and winked with his good eye, she of course, blushed before batting at his hand. "You know what I mean. I'll start dinner. Are you going to be able to chew or am I going to have to blend it up for you and feed it to you like a baby?" He stuck his tongue out at her.

"I can eat, my jaw isn't broken or anything, everything's just a little tender right now." He started to sit up and tried very hard not to let either of them see how annoyingly painful it was. Bella rolled her eyes before helping him get comfortable, she didn't question him or poke at him, she got up, gave him a pat on the head and went to work in the kitchen with Sierra right on her tail.

The next few days weren't so bad, he had the week off and Bella stuck around to help, now he understood why she liked being a teacher, well he knew one of the reasons, summer break. There were a couple weeks left and she had a bit of spare time, well, when she wasn't volunteering or running or doing whatever it was she did when she wasn't down visiting in La Push, the woman was always moving and happily too.

She went with him wherever he went to make sure he was alright and he sort of liked it. It was such an easy transition for him to have her there, he wouldn't have to explain all the weird shit his friends did, like the way they were always sniffing around and reacting to sounds no one else could hear, they weren't always as subtle as they thought they were and Bella was in the know, it made things simpler.

They were invited for a barbeque at Sam and Emily's place, now that he could actually breathe and laugh without being in pain he wanted out of his house. Sierra was being chased by Chad and Paul glared at Sam, it shouldn't have bothered him so much that the boys were so attached to his daughter but it did. She was going to be the cause of some serious drama between those two when she was old enough. Sam shrugged and went back to stuffing his face. Just as he was about to tell Sam to straighten out his son's Bella handed him a plate of food, she was telling him to shut the hell up with her eyes and since he was just about healed and needed to get back to work and the last thing he needed was to be tossed around by a big ass wolf, he kept his mouth shut.

After he finally got over himself and Embry was filling him in on the pack-life, Sierra ran up to him and announced in front of everyone that she was going to marry both Mason and Chad he about lost it. Everyone but Quil and Jake were trying not to laugh.

Bella knelt down in front of his daughter and told her as gently as she could that she could only marry one of the boys and since Sierra couldn't choose just one, she decided she wasn't going to marry anyone ever which made made him smile and everyone else laugh. It was good for him to be there with all of them again, even better now that everyone wasn't tip toeing around him, he missed seeing them just being normal.

After he thanked them for food that actually filled him up, he, Bella and Sierra walked back towards his house. Just as they reached Billy's place a woman that Paul had slept with once upon a time, approached them. Her name was Sarah or Sheila or Shannon, he couldn't remember. He did remember her being a psycho who got around more than he did and ended up pregnant and she tried to pin the child on him. Paul was always careful because he didn't want to end up tied to some crazy bitch for the rest of his life, the only children he had were with Rachel and this woman was a complete lunatic who eventually got put in her place by Leah, she came in handy a lot of the time.

"Oh hi Paul." Bella was holding onto Sierra's hand and she raised an eyebrow at him but continued walking. Paul used to be an asshole so there were a lot of women who didn't think too highly of him, he understood that he really did but this one was extra crazy. He grunted and walked by her, there was no point in pretending to be nice or exchanging pleasantries, she was obviously fucked up on something it was better for her if he didn't stop.

"I heard you were with some white girl now, didn't believe it but look at that" She looked over to where Bella was standing with his daughter. "…I guess its true. Thought you would have at least shacked up with a woman who could take care of your kid though." Bella was shaking her head but she didn't say anything. The woman followed them and because she was most likely insane she continued to talk. "She's pretty though, not as pretty as Rachel was but I guess someone has to be willing to put up with your shit and a little white girl who probably doesn't know enough about you will do that then huh?" It was clear that the bitch was drunk or high or stupid and he didn't care which, he was about to turn around and tell her to mind her own business and go home but Bella beat him to it.

"Listen, I know you might not be in the right state of mind right now and that's fine but it would be best to have this conversation with Paul another time, maybe when his daughter isn't standing right here." Bella spoke to her like she was a child, which she might as well have been the way she tapped her foot and scowled at her. Bella didn't stare her down or say anything more to her, she simply gave her a polite nod before grabbing Sierra's hand and walking away.

He shrugged and went after them, he lived in a small community and people with nothing better to do were going to talk, most of them were smart enough not to say it to his face but he knew what they were saying, he wasn't going to let it get to him.

They walked the rest of the way in silence, even Sierra was a little quieter than usual. Once they got inside and sat there for a few minutes, his daughter crawled into his lap and cried, it scared him. He wasn't sure why she was crying but was guessing it had something to do with the nut job they ran into.

He waited and while he waited he noticed Bella looked ready to snatch Sierra up from him and comfort her or run out the door and beat the bitch senseless, she looked pretty conflicted.

"What's the matter baby?" Nothing cut at him more than when his daughter cried, she wasn't usually a crier so when she did, he felt all helpless. Sierra had stopped sniffling by this point.

"I don't like when people are mean to you." She looked up and stared at his almost healed black eye before shaking her head. Bella was sitting beside them, she seemed to calm down a bit as well. Paul had to think about what to tell her, she was going to be five in a month, she'd be going to kindergarten in a few weeks, she'd probably see bullying and it was better to have this talk sooner than later.

"Well…before you were born, before I met your mom…I was mean to lots of people." It was true and she needed to hear it at some point. "I used to get mad and take it out on the wrong people, people who didn't deserve it." He looked down to make sure she was listening. "Sometimes when people are upset or mad they take it out on everyone and they say lots of bad things they don't mean." She looked at him like she couldn't believe he was mean, like he had ever been anything but the guy he was now.

"Were you mean to Papa?" Thankfully he hadn't ever taken his crap out on Billy, he was an asshole but he kept himself from disrespecting the elders, the council at least. Paul shook his head. "Were you mean to Uncle Embry?" Not as mean as Leah was, how the hell those two ended up together after all the crazy shit she'd said to him, was a mystery to him.

"Sometimes. I was mean to a lot of people Sierra and I'm not proud of that." She looked at him before turning to Bella and he knew he wasn't going anywhere until he explained all of his idiotic actions to his daughter, it probably would have made Sam's life a lot easier if he had the patience and shit he had today, back then.

"Were you mean to Bella?" He was and he believed at the time that he had every right to be, how weird was it that he was sitting there in his living room explaining this to his daughter while Bella sat beside them, how many years later…

"I…yes. I was mean to Bella." He looked up and Bella was smirking at him, at least she wasn't still upset about it. Sierra was frowning at him though.

"Why?" Telling her that it was because he was an asshole who liked to piss everyone off wasn't going to fly. Telling her that Bella was an easy target was going to get him slapped or something. Paul sighed.

"I didn't like her friends and I took it out on her…I guess." It was pretty much true. Bella tilted her head, still smiling. "I'm…well I'm sorry about that Bella." She nodded at his awkward apology and he looked back to Sierra, she didn't look anywhere close to being finished asking her questions yet, he wondered if Sam's boys were like this, no, he watched them a few times they were too busy fighting, chasing his daughter or other little girls around, or eating to be asking questions, boys were simple like that.

"I don't want you to worry about people being mean to me, I can handle myself okay?" She still had a frown on her face but she nodded anyway.

Because Bella was over for the night, Sierra wanted her to help her get ready for bed, he wasn't going to complain but he was starting to worry a bit that she was going to get to used to the idea and invite her to move in or something, he was definitely not ready for that sort of commitment yet. It was bad enough she had mentioned to Kim that she wanted him to marry Bella, it wasn't the marrying part she cared about it was the wedding but still, talk of a mermaid themed wedding or any wedding was a little bit much for him right now.

He was still parked on the couch when Bella came to sit beside him.

"So you didn't like my friends huh?" He laughed and pulled her into his side.

"Not even a little bit and I'm not sorry about _that_ by the way. Just sorry you were friends with them, oh and that I was a dick about it. How could you stand the smell anyway?" Her mouth twitched before she started laughing.

"Its okay, they weren't all that fond of you guys either and if you weren't being such an ass I probably never would have known about the whole werewolf thing so yea…you know. Oh and Jake asked me that before and Alice asked me the same thing about you guys, you all smelt good to me, I still don't know the difference." Her smile was almost tempting, he leaned forward to kiss her. They didn't push it any further when they were at his house, he didn't feel right there and she knew that so they always kept it PG when they were there and since they still hadn't done much more, they were pretty much that way everywhere.

At this rate he could probably become a monk if he wanted to, which he didn't. The whole celibacy thing wasn't for him and it was damn near killing him to actually have a woman there in his house, she was right there. It didn't feel right though, not in the house he shared with his wife, he was glad he didn't let his thoughts wander too far into the future when it came to Bella, he might have to worry about having to fix that issue at some point, until then he had her house and either of their cars and well anywhere she was willing to venture, whenever they actually got that far...

They went to bed, he knew she was happy just being there, knew that she worried about being left alone again, he had no idea where this relationship would go but he had no intention of just leaving her, not ever. Even if they didn't work out, she had to be there still, his daughter needed her, he needed her.

Wrapping his arm around her it felt right. When she breathed out, he could feel her relief, he knew she needed him too.

**A/N: I know it seems like they should have been going at it like bunnies by now but he's a dad and he works and being a single parent(I know this first hand) its seriously difficult to get alone time and even then sometimes its nice to just have someone there for the comfort and nothing else. In this case, in this story it only makes sense to me for their relationship to be moving at a frustratingly slow pace. It will get there. **

**As always thank you for reading(and reviewing and adding to your story alert thing and favourites)**

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	13. Chapter 13

Chapter thirteen.

Denying her body what it wanted was becoming more and more difficult. Although the only time she had trouble with it was when she woke up next to Paul and that seemed to be more than she could handle these days. The man asleep beside her had been the only one she'd picture on those lonelier nights at home, he headlined all her fantasies, she shook her head feeling a bit embarrassed thinking about it with him right there.

"I swear I can feel it when you're thinking about me." His voice was gruff and it sent that familiar tingle through her. She didn't think he was aware of what he was doing to her, or maybe he was and he liked pushing her a little closer to the edge.

"I cant help it. You're right here and it would probably be rude to be thinking about someone else in your bed don't you think?" He laughed shaking his head. Bella hadn't looked at his face yet, she knew he'd have that heavy lidded stare he always had when he woke up, the one that made her crazy.

It was still early, a little too early and Paul hadn't noticed yet, he usually groaned about it being the weekend and then he'd try to demand her to go back to sleep. That never worked, once she was up, she was up and all his complaining did was make her more alert, more awake. Paul went quiet and she looked up at his face, he was watching her.

"You know sometimes I can see things more clearly like I did before I stopped phasing…" His eyes were focused on hers and it made her heart beat pick up. "sometimes I can still hear things, like your heart beat just jumped, I heard that." Bella blushed but didn't look away. "and I can smell you right now, its driving me insane, what are you thinking about Bella?" She wasn't going to tell him. It was a little embarrassing that he could sense those things still, especially at that particular moment and she was sure he knew exactly what she was thinking about. Him. It was always him. Bella shook her head and tried to turn away

Paul didn't let her move, she was being pulled closer and wondered if he realized that he was still a lot stronger than he should have been for just a human.

"Why do you do that?" his voice was softer, maybe he thought he was scaring her. He wasn't. What did scare her was how incredibly hot it became when they were so close, hell, she was almost on top of him. If she moved her leg a little bit further right she would be right on top of him.

"Do what?" She wasn't really aware of much else at the moment and it was hard enough for her to remember to inhale then exhale when his face was an inch from hers.

"Move away, dodge questions, get embarrassed because you're over thinking everything…" he was almost whispering and she was distracted by the hand inching its way up her thigh.

"I'm not, I don't…." Bella had to shake her head, close her eyes and concentrate. Paul's arms were shifting her again and was he trying to kill her? All that running she did was proving its self to be useful right now, her legs felt like jelly but she knew they were strong enough to keep her steady where she was, which was at the moment straddling him.

All of her instincts, yes she had those, were telling her to give in, rock her hips slightly. Her brain had obviously checked out of the decision making process because her body was moving all on its own and honestly she didn't mind.

"Are you sure you're only an almost-virgin, Swan?" He was teasing her and probably could have said anything to her in that deep voice of his at that moment and she wouldn't have heard him. The shorts she was wearing were riding up and the thin, now damp, scrap of underwear she had on was in the way. Something was always in the way. Paul grabbed her hips to keep her still, he might have been talking but she was so caught up with the way he felt against her. Hard, hot and so right, she didn't hear him.

"Bella I'm not going to be able to stop myself if you keep doing that." She smiled at him, her face flushed, she felt so good she could probably burst into flames and not notice. Paul was watching her and trying to keep her steady, she knew it was probably difficult for him too and she tried to slow down but she couldn't stop herself. "Jesus Bella…Fuck it, lie down and take off your clothes." He rolled her back to the bed and started to pull down her shorts, she wondered why the hell he left on her panties, she didn't need those.

The shirt she was wearing was slipped over her head before she could think about it and she was almost completely naked beside Paul. There was no way she was going to let him stop now and she didn't really care much for the whole 'foreplay thing right now, she wanted him and everything else could be worked out later. Pushing down his shorts and then her own underwear, Bella scooted up the bed and grabbed him by the hand, it was going to hurt, she knew that but she was done waiting.

Paul looked a bit worried as she manoeuvred her way under him, she knew he was big and he obviously knew that too she had to reassure him, had to try to remain confident.

"Go slow and if it gets to be too painful I'll let you know okay? Please Paul, just…please." She was ordering him and pleading with him, she didn't sound like herself at all but she had never needed something so badly before, ever. Not even with Edward. Paul nodded and then inch by painfully slow inch, he entered her.

Sucking in a breath Bella let her body adjust to him. Paul was watching her, as he started to move, when she could breathe properly she swallowed the moan that was trying to escape. Nothing had ever made her feel so whole and she knew it was worth the wait. His lips were gentle and his movements were slow. It wasn't just sex, they both needed to feel this for as long as they could. Bella breathed him in and held him as close to herself as she could, to remind her that he was real and that someone needed her as much as she needed them.

It was the way his skin felt against hers, the way his hands felt against her body, it made her feel strong. The way he said her name made her feel powerful. It wasn't just sex.

It was a slow burning that built up to something so much bigger, she wrapped her legs around his hips and panted, gripping him tightly as she came. Paul moved a little faster and she clung to him until he finished, they were both breathing heavily as she kissed his shoulder.

They laid there quietly for a few minutes before Paul turned over to look at her, she thought he might have been searching her eyes for something but she wasn't sure for what. After studying her carefully he leaned over to kiss her on the nose before getting up to shower. Bella laid there, her legs still trembling and smiled to herself. She was going to hurt tomorrow but it was a pain she could handle.

After jumping out of the shower Bella got dressed and walked into the living room, Sierra wasn't up yet and Paul was sitting there looking…lost. She didn't want to bother him but she was worried, maybe he was regretting it and she shouldn't have pushed him, she should have waited. As if sensing her panic, which she was starting to believe he could actually do, Paul looked up at her, an eye brow raised.

"I'm sorry I'm over thinking everything again." He chuckled and patted the seat next to him, she let out a shaky breath. Paul was staring down at his hands and he really was making her nervous.

"I should probably feel guilty but I don't." He looked at her and smiled. "You know, I didn't think I'd ever be able to even look at another woman again after…" Bella slid her hand into his for support, for comfort. "She was supposed to be it for me, yet I'm still here and she's gone and honestly I know it sounds bad but I _cant_ be alone, I don't want to be alone. One day Sierra is going to grow up and leave and I don't want to end up with no one…you know?" Bella nodded her head, she understood, it was a fear of hers as well.

"I know." Paul brushed her hand with the backs of his fingers as they sat there quietly. They weren't going to discuss a future because things change and she didn't want to label something without him having a choice, if anything she knew he deserved it was a sense of direction in his own life, he needed to have some control, so did she. Everything was day to day and she was content with that, besides she was willing to take life as it came at her.

After Sierra woke up the three of them went for a drive and went out for breakfast, Bella had to push down all those feelings when she looked at the two of them. Love, that's what it was and she wasn't going to stress herself out denying it. They were two people she loved in two very different ways and somehow it was the same. Two people she realized she'd do anything for, even if it meant she wasn't completely involved in their lives she'd still find a way to be there for them any way she could.

Paul was smiling at her when she looked up at him from Sierra's drawing on the back of her kid menu, she wanted to believe he might love her too, or he could one day but she would be happy with whatever it was that they had right now.

Taking a break from organizing her things for the first few days of class, Bella sat there in her quiet house. After spending the weekend with Paul and Sierra it always made her feel a little bit more alone. How did that work?

Sierra was starting kindergarten and she knew Paul was nervous, not that he'd admit it, she was his baby and this was a big day for the both of them. Bella smiled to herself as she thought about everything, all the loose ends that were being tied up around her. Leah and Embry had finally set a date for their wedding and Jake and Amanda were officially engaged now. Billy and his girlfriend were moving in together. Even Seth was moving out of Sue and Charlie's _finally_. Everything was solidly in place, everything but her. Even Paul had his place still with his daughter but Bella felt like she was hanging on too tightly and something was going to come along and she'd be cut off completely. Maybe she was destined to love as much as she could and then fall on her ass afterward, maybe that was her fate.

After taking the first days attendance and doing a 'getting to know you' exercise, Bella heard her phone beep from her purse. A picture of Sierra standing beside her cubby almost had her in tears, she smiled as she read the message from Paul.

_**Puppy's first day of school. How's yours going kitten? **_

Bella laughed and shook her head. What a horrible nickname to give someone. Puppy was cute because, well, it was for Sierra, but Kitten…really?

**I'm glad she's enjoying it. If you start calling me kitten I'm going to have to come up with a name for you, and you probably wont like it :P**

Bella put her phone back in her purse and handed out her rules of the classroom, they were the same as last year but it was something that she had to go over and pull out every now and then. The kids were all anxious to be there, excited to have a place of their own and even if the majority of them knew each other, the new environment was always fun on the first day.

The first bell rang and because it was a shorter day she had to stick around to meet a few parents before she went anywhere. Some of them were familiar, they had other kids at the school or they volunteered there. When she finally checked her phone she was glad no one was around to catch her blushing.

_**What's wrong with kitten? You have feisty moments and I have the marks on my back to prove it. If you're going to give me a nickname, make it awesome not cute. **_

Shaking her head to clear the memories of said back scratching, she was still in the school after all, she texted back.

_**Honey-bear or Sugar-muffin are both awesome or how about Pauly bear-sweetie pie? Drop the name or choose one, the choice is yours ;)**_

Her own silliness made her laugh as she picked up the rest of her things and walked down the small hall of the school and into the parking lot. Her phone beeped just as she buckled herself up.

_**None of those are awesome but if I have to choose one I'll take honey-bear. Call me later on…kitten.**_

Bella put her head back and stared at the roof of her car for a moment. It was really hard for her not to dissect every single thing he said or did, she tried not to because then it only led her to over analyzing everything about their relationship and where it was going and that led to her to mope around her quiet house when she wasn't busy.

Just enjoying life, living it was a lot harder than she thought it should be. He made her happy and that part was simple but it bothered her to think about her place in his life. She wanted him to be happy and if that meant without her…she thought she could do it. The selfish part of her wanted him for herself though, because she was in love with him, because it was going to be hard for her to go back to being alone and honestly she wasn't sure she could offer her self up to anyone else, no one else would understand her or the strange things in her life like he did.

Instead of going home she drove to La Push, she told herself it was to see Leah and then to check in on Billy and say hi to Emily and Jake. When she made it past Billy's she kept driving until she reached Paul's house, his truck was outside and she could hear Sierra giggling from behind the door. Bella wasn't rude and it wasn't her house so she knocked instead of just walking in, he looked a little bit surprised but picked her up and kissed her before pulling her inside.

"Bella!" Sierra ran up to hug her like she hadn't seen her in years rather than just the day. There was another little girl behind her and Bella smiled and waved at her, a woman who must have been the little girls mother was sitting there giving her the most forced smile she'd ever seen. Bella said hello as she felt Paul eyeing her carefully.

"So you're Bella…Sierra talks about you all the time." The woman was practically speaking through her teeth. It was the strangest thing to walk into. It was obviously a play date and she thought maybe this woman had other things in mind, she couldn't really be sure though.

"Yes that's me and you are?" She smiled politely and extended her hand to the woman. She shook before taking a seat next on the smaller sofa next to Paul.

"I'm Lisa, Carrie-lynn's mom. I also went to school with Paul." Lisa turned to smile at him, a real smile. Bella tried not to let it bother her but it did. Maybe she should have just went home, being alone would have been quiet and there wouldn't be some woman trying to make her uncomfortable there. Paul grabbed her hand and she knew she was over thinking again. Those insecurities were going to drive both of them crazy and she really was trying to stop it.

"Yea Lisa went out with Jared before he uhh...well before he met Kim I guess." He looked to Bella and she nodded, before he turned into a teenage werewolf she guessed. Lisa was watching them with a sad look in her eye, maybe it was a sore spot or something. She didn't want to pry but now that he said it she couldn't help but think the little girl looked a little like Jared...she blinked and tried not to think about it again.

Bella got up to play with the girls, it was better than sitting awkwardly across from this woman who clearly didn't like her. Paul was being polite but he wasn't over doing it, she could feel him watching her and she could also hear Lisa sighing loudly, impatiently, it was really sort of rude. After they left she turned to look at Paul

"Is she, I mean is Jared her..." She whispered and then looked around to make sure Sierra wasn't around. "Is that Jared's daughter?" Paul shook his head and then shrugged before sitting down, burying his face in his hands, like the thought was exhausting.

"I don't know I have only seen her a few times before today and thought she could be, she's eight months older than Sierra and that would be impossible because Jared was with Kim then. It wouldn't be possible." Bella nodded her head but she couldn't help but wonder.

"I'm sorry I shouldn't have asked, its not my business." Paul looked up from his hands and chuckled, she wasn't sure what he thought was funny so she waited.

"You were jealous." He was grinning as he pulled her by the hand to sit on his lap, she buried her face in his shirt. Of course she was jealous all these women he'd probably already been with wanted him and they didn't seem to think very much of her, it was hard not to be.

"Yea she was fake-smiling at me, I'm pretty sure she thought I was interrupting something. Are all the women around her going to look at me like that?" He laughed and shook his head at the whiny tone she used.

"Not all of them, just a few. Lisa isn't one you should worry about, she's pretty harmless, still strung up on Jared. I think she's just lonely." She felt a little sad for her, she knew what it was like to be lonely and she couldn't imagine living that life in love with someone else, someone who's whole world revolved around another person.

"How long were they together?" Paul shook his head again.

"He liked her for a long time and they started going out when they were like fourteen, she broke up with him a few months before he phased for the first time, they were still friends and whatever but they were together for about a year or two, as serious as two kids could get I guess." She thought about that, it must have been hard for her when he completely ignored her back then, or maybe it wasn't, she broke up with him for her own reasons.

"So she's in love with him?" There were probably many hearts broken when these guys phased, just because they didn't all imprint, didn't mean they weren't hurting someone. Forced to keep their distance because they were dangerous and then when they could control themselves they distanced themselves because they didn't want to hurt anyone the way Sam hurt Leah.

"I think so. Jared was pretty messed up about her for a while too. Then he phased and had other things to worry about." Bella didn't say much after that, it was sad and she didn't want to think about it. Paul kissed her head and pulled her a little closer to him.

"So how was your day..." he turned her so she was looking at him before he smirked and called her "kitten." Bella rolled her eyes, she was never going to like that.

"Just fine _honey-bear_." She made sure to use her extra sweet sounding voice when she said it, he just laughed.

She stayed until dinner and went home feeling better and worse. Better because Paul made her feel safe, comfortable, wanted. Worse because she couldn't stop thinking about Lisa and her daughter. It was none of her business and she kept telling herself that but it didn't make her feel any better, if the little girl was Jared's daughter then there was some flaw in their imprinting theories. Something just wasn't right about it at all.

**A/N: I don't know too much about Jared's character but I'd imagine he had at least a girlfriend or two before he phased, he's a teenage boy right? They aren't all obsessed like Jacob Black was and that's just because he wanted one girl so much more, it was the challenge I suppose. Anyway I hate imprinting, I really do and I don't hide that fact through any of my stories, I think it would be different for the individual if there was such a thing(god forbid) and I like to create flaws, if you don't like that I'm sorry but life is much more interesting than wolfy magic that I know too little about. **

**As always thank you for reading :)**


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter fourteen.

Some things had to be said, they needed to be shoved down the throats of those who weren't willing to listen. Paul was pissed off his best friend, his brother, even if they weren't blood, had known the whole time that this little girl, his daughters now best friend Carrie-lynn was his daughter and didn't step up to claim her. He was a coward, a pussy and Paul was choked.

"You don't understand Paul. I'd die if Kim left me and _she would_ leave me if she ever found out." He wanted to laugh in his face because he knew what it felt like to truly lose an imprint and he was still alive and breathing, he also wondered how in the hell he managed to keep this from Kim, even an alpha order couldn't stop them from lying to their imprints, it shouldn't be possible but then again cheating on her shouldn't be either...

"Fuck off. I'm still here so don't even try to pull that shit on me. I mean she left you once and apparently you were fine. Fine enough to be off knocking up Lisa. So I'm pretty sure its safe to say you aren't going to die asshole." Paul was mad for this little girl who didn't have a choice, she didn't pick a fuck up like Jared to be her dad. At least her mom was taking care of her but that shit was hard and he knew it. "How the fuck did this even happen, I thought that imprinting was supposed to prevent you from sticking your dick in any hole you can find. How did you manage to pull that shit off?" Jared's shoulders were slumped forward and his head was down but Paul wasn't buying it for one second.

"Kim left to think about some things and she was pushing the bond, I could feel it and it's always up to her...I did it because I wanted to see if I could. Wanted to see if _I_ could have the choice for a change." Paul was shaking his head at Jared. They all wanted a choice and he might have been a man-whore at one point, but he was at least responsible enough and he wasn't committed to anyone at the time, he was an asshole but even he had his limits. If there were kids of his own from any of those women he'd want to claim them, but there weren't because he wasn't that stupid. "I missed her and fuck" Jared ran his hands through his hair. Paul was watching, waiting for him to stop being a selfish douche bag.

"You missed who? Lisa or Kim?" Jared's head shot up at that and he growled at Paul. It wasn't like he was badmouthing Kim, she was great and he loved her like a sister but Jared needed to stop pretending like she was the center of his universe now, especially after this.

"What the fuck Paul. Obviously Kim." He was shaking slightly and Paul stared him down before nodding.

"So are you going to stop being a dick for now and actually claim your child or keep pretending that she doesn't exist?" He was pretty sure Jared was a big enough coward to continue ignoring the poor kid and living his life like she wasn't his daughter, even if it was pretty fucking obvious. Jared was still slouched forward on his couch.

"Kim's going to kill me." Well the fact that she was a human and he turned into a horse sized, indestructible wolf on the regular…he found that hard to believe. Paul shook his head and this conversation was pretty much over, he made a choice and he'd have to live with it.

Jared was going to have to deal with this shit, he knew that. Sam was going to have to come clean about his involvement in keeping this a secret and shit would probably hit the fan when word got out that the imprint bond, the one that everyone thought was too strong to break, could be broken or damaged or whatever this was. They were about to learn that being just a normal human, having choices wasn't really all that fucking great either.

After Jared left, Paul went to pick up his daughter from Billy's, he wasn't trying to tear Kim and Jared apart, she was his sister and he couldn't understand why Jared did this to himself, to his family. Shaking his head to himself he calmed down before walking in the door, Billy's girlfriend Laura was on the couch reading with Sierra, she looked up and smiled before putting the book away.

"Billy's gone off to take care of some council stuff." Laura wasn't an idiot, she like many, if not all, people on the rez knew something was up with big ass Indians who all had growth spurts around the same time, most of them knew the legends too but she was on a need-to-know basis and didn't involve herself, which worked out perfectly for everyone.

Billy must be out dealing with the fallout of Jared's actions. Paul knew that the council had to be aware of this, Sam and Jake and the council were keeping it from everyone else.

Paul thanked her for watching Sierra, they got in his truck and were heading over to Bella's, it was better to be away from the angry wolves for at least a few hours.

Sierra talked a lot about Carrie-lynn on the way, and any every other chance she got. Since she started kindergarten they were inseparable most days, Lisa still brought her over and if Bella happened to show up while she was there, they could hold a conversation and it didn't seem so forced anymore. He knew first hand that Bella was hard not to like once you got to know her.

Sierra was already out of the truck and running up to the door before he could turn off the engine and unbuckle himself.

As always when he came over to her place, it was completely spotless. And of course she didn't even care that Sierra would run in and make a giant mess of everything, she was just happy to have them there and he thought she might actually like cleaning or something.

"So how did it go?" She asked him quietly while Sierra pulled out the box of dolls that Bella had set aside for her. He shook his head and let out a breath before grabbing her hand and taking her into the kitchen where his daughter couldn't hear. Bella stood there anxious, this had been bothering her too, even if she didn't ever say much about it.

"Well I guess it went the way I expected it to go." He put his hand over hers to stop her fingers from drumming the counter top, it was distracting, she smiled apologetically and then stilled herself waiting to hear the rest, he blew out a breath and told her. "She looks like him because she's his and he knew it." Bella shook her head sadly, she must have been expecting this as well, neither of them said much about it, he didn't want to talk about it and she probably didn't know what to say. What could anyone say about this? Shit happens, even when you have your perfect match, your soul mate, shit still happens.

Bella wrapped her arms around him and he held her there, she was good at comforting him when he needed it. She was good for him. When Sierra called him from the other room he kissed the top of her head before letting her go. Bella sighed and got back to doing whatever it was she was doing before they showed up.

He didn't know if what he felt for her was love because he had never loved anyone by choice before, with Rachel it was instant-love, instant-devotion and anyone before her was instantly-gone after he was done with them. Bella was something else and he cared a lot about her. So much that he actually missed her sometimes when she wasn't there.

Bella wasn't there just for him to pass the time, she wasn't there to fill a void, she was there because he cared about her, because she made him and his daughter happy, she was there because he wanted her to be.

The three of them ate, he wasn't so hard to feed these days one or two helpings was his limit per meal and he didn't need to be getting big the way his father did before he left, the man looked like a pregnant pig on sticks, it was pretty bad and he didn't want to look like that. The shape shifting metabolism wasn't burning a hole through any one's pocket on his account anymore, they were probably all glad for that, even for a werewolf he still ate more than everyone else did.

Bella chatted to Sierra about her day at school.

"I let Carrie-lynn have Mason and Chad now." She stopped to smirk at Bella before continuing. "I told her she couldn't marry them both though and she gave them back." Paul chuckled, shaking his head and Bella was high fiving her. She continued talking and he listened and glanced over at Bella every so often. He had been reminded three times this week by Leah, Jake and Sue that her birthday was coming up. He had plans, nothing fancy because he wasn't an idiot, he knew she wouldn't like that. He paid attention and he planned to do something he thought she'd like.

Of course Sierra's birthday was a week after Bella's and they had plans for that as well. Plans that were forcing him into shiny white 'Aladdin pants' and some weird vest. His daughter wanted a princess party and because he was a 'boy' he had to be a prince and since he couldn't remember the names of any princes from any stories Bella chose for him. He shook his head again at the memory of being dressed by his girlfriend and having his appearance approved by his daughter. It was times like that he was glad he didn't have to share a mind with any of the pack again, god knows they wouldn't ever let him live this down but at least he wouldn't have to see it played in a loop just to piss him off.

Right after he helped Bella with dishes he dragged his feet to the front room and made himself comfortable on her tiny sofa, the same sofa that he first made out with her on. Sierra was flipping through the channels on the TV and Bella was curled on the arm chair marking school work, she wore glasses and bit the tip of her pen as she concentrated and he was fascinated with how much she loved her job, the corners of her mouth pulled up as she read through something in front of her. When she caught him staring she blushed, he liked that because it was a lot harder to get her to do that these days.

"Are you staring at me to annoy me...Because its not working." She put down the pen and looked back at him. He said nothing. "Paul, I need to get these marked for tomorrow." She was whining at him now and he still said nothing, he watched the way her eyebrows pulled together and she adjusted herself in the chair, he knew he had to stop because she was going to start getting self conscious soon if he didn't and he didn't like watching her fall apart over her appearance or personality. It bothered him that she thought so little of herself sometimes but he couldn't blame her, even he had moments where he felt insecure, everyone did.

"Sorry, sorry." He held his hands up in front of him. "I was just thinking about a um." He knew he had to choose his words carefully because Sierra was sitting a few feet away and he didn't want to offend Bella. "…thing that Jake shared before about…" Bella raised an eyebrow at him. "…you being a teacher." It drove him and everyone else crazy, Jakes Bella obsession was only mildly entertaining but he could admit now that even he woke up hard after dreaming about her sometimes after seeing some of the things the kid came up with. Bella's eyes widened and she blushed again, she must have already heard about this one, probably from Seth. He winked before finally turning away from her, he could see her fanning herself from the corner of his eye and he smiled, at least she wasn't covering herself up.

"Just you wait." She threatened. Paul laughed and let her get back to what she needed to get done. The woman was feisty, it was why he called her kitten after all. Of course when Sierra frowned at him when he slipped up in front of her, he had to think of something else. 'Bella was kitten because she was tiny and playful' she giggled and Bella laughed harder than he'd ever heard or seen her laugh but he wasn't giving up on the name just yet, not even if she always came back at him with 'honey-bear', she was stubborn that way.

It wasn't the weekend and both him and Bella had to work in the morning, he had spent enough time avoiding angry and confused pack members who probably wanted to know how he figured everything out. Bella was all finished and he thought maybe if she came home with him, she could distract him…take his mind off everything else for a while. She yawned as if she'd known he was going to ask her and he thought it was probably better to only have one person to rush out the door in the morning.

Paul took advantage of the fact Sierra was passed out on the floor, he could kiss his girlfriend without being told it was 'gross' by his daughter. Bella sighed after she pulled away from him.

"You'd better get home now. Sierra has school in the morning and you have to work." She looked up at him, her arms still wrapped around him. "It'll be okay you know. I don't think Kim has it in her to walk away from Jared and maybe her knowing about Carrie-lynn will force some sense into him. Maybe he'll smarten up…" She looked thoughtful for a moment. "…I mean that's if Lisa even wants him there. Sure its hard for her sometimes but maybe she'd rather struggle than have her daughter be caught up in some tangled web…" He hadn't even thought about that yet but the thing was, Carrie-lynn was pack now and unfortunately for Lisa it didn't give her a lot of choice, they would involve themselves in her life if the havent done it already.

"They probably wont give her much of a choice." It bothered him to say this, no one understood the importance of choices like the pack but this was something that the council would have a say in. Bella shook her head sadly, he kissed her good night and picked Sierra up and drove home. The drive made him feel heavy, he thought it was getting closer to the rez but it was his home, the problem wasn't going back, it was going back without Bella.

The road was dark and he could hear a wolf howling, he could still feel his own sometimes, it was normal but he wasn't going to phase, he couldn't. It would be too much, especially now with so much going on. It might have been selfish but he didn't care anymore, he had a daughter to take care of and La Push had more than enough protectors, they didn't need him Sierra did…Bella did.

He could smell Sam still, it was one of those things he couldn't shake sometimes, the scents of his pack. He didn't look around for him, he wasn't in the mood to discuss wolf politics tonight, he had shit to do in the morning. He just told Sam and whoever else was waiting for him "Tomorrow" and shut the door.

He didn't know all the details about Lisa but he knew that she still had a thing for Jared and before he imprinted, Jared still had a thing for her, now she was taking care of his kid while he made himself a happy home with Kim.

And Kim was raising her son, thinking Jared was Mr. Perfect, he wasn't a bad guy, he made a bad decision and Paul didn't blame him for that. It was every decision he made after that, those were what made him mad. If two women and two children were going to suffer, it was going to be because he was a dumb ass and wasn't thinking with the proper head but he understood that they all made mistakes, Jared wasn't any different. Paul wouldn't turn his back on a brother especially one who pulled him through some tough shit. He would however, kick the guy in the ass and hope it knocked some sense into him, that was all he could do until everything settled down.

After Paul wore himself out thinking about it all, he got himself ready for bed. He passed his and Rachel's old room, he didn't ignore it anymore. It reminded him of a different time in his life, everything was always changing and knowing that his past would always remain untouched was sort of comforting.

Running away from his past would have caught up to him eventually, he was glad he could deal with it now. Having someone, who put herself through the ringer a few times, was helpful too. Bella didn't cure him or change him, she didn't fix him or talk everything through with him, she was simply there for him and it was enough. They had only been together a few months and everything moved slowly still, carefully. Her insecurities bothered him a little bit, but they were real and he could make her feel better and did so as often as he could. They weren't connected through some magical pull and he didn't have to feel everything she felt, there were things that were difficult for her and him, he liked that.

Imprinting for him was a good thing and he didn't care about choices when it happened because Rachel was everything he would have wanted had he been looking, he needed her because he was setting his own path of self destruction and would have ended up fucking his life up if she hadn't come along, she didn't change him but she loved him enough to make him see what he was missing out on. Paul didn't believe in much before that, and very least was himself. After losing himself again after he lost Rachel he crossed path's with Bella he knew what he felt for her was more than he was willing to admit yet but she was good for him the way Rachel was and that didn't seem all that messed up when he thought about it now, it seemed right...exactly the way it should be.

**As always thank you for reading and reviewing, adding to story alert, favourites, I don't say it enough but I appreciate it :)**


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter fifteen.

He was standing in the room with his old pack, they were watching Jared waiting for answers, he might not phase anymore but he was still pack and since he brought this to everyone's attention he needed to be there. Embry was looking like he was in pain and Paul understood, he didn't have much of a dad but at least he knew the asshole, no one ever claimed Embry…he understood better than most of them.

"You want some advice?" Leah was glaring at Jared, he didn't answer but she wasn't waiting for that. "Grow a fucking pair and take some responsibility. What is this a fucking talk show? Are you looking for something meaningful, something helpful to pull you out of the hole you dug yourself into?" She took a step toward him and no one else moved. "How fucking nice it must be to be able to have children and pretend they don't exist, is she the only child you've got around here?" She took another step, she was almost in his face now. "Some of us_ cant _have children…some of us." She looked to Paul before turning her back to Jared. "Some of us have lost children and would do anything to have the chance you have…" That was it, she hit the nail on the head and Paul nodded, that's exactly why he was pissed at Jared, why he thought the guy was a selfish prick. He didn't even get to hear his son cry, he'd never have that chance.

"You fucked up and made a mess and none of us are going to clean it up for you. You're a big boy Jared and its time to start acting like one. Kim will be fine but what about that little girl huh? What happens when she grows up and finds out her father was living here on the same small ass reserve the whole time and didn't give a fuck about her…what happens to her?" Leah was fuming now and so was everyone else, Jared at least had the decency to look ashamed, he should be. Leah's voice softened a bit as she continued. "It doesn't have to be a bad thing…" And it didn't. Jared nodded, at least he was listening, he needed to hear it.

"What if she hates me, what if Lisa doesn't let me see her and fuck. What am I supposed to do then?" Paul wanted to tell him to suck it up and deal with it. If those were the consequences then he'd have to deal with it because he did this to himself but he said nothing, Leah had that part covered too.

"She'd probably love you no matter how badly you fuck up that's the thing about kids right?" Leah ignored everyone as she left, they all knew why it upset her and Jared actually looked sorry, at least _that_ was something. The dumb ass unleashed a shit storm on everyone else and he should feel bad about it.

Sam sat silently until it was his turn to apologize for the role he played in everything, he knew that helping Jared out over the years was wrong and didn't try to defend his actions he simply took the beating. His reason had walked out the door half an hour before… Leah. It always came back to Leah with Sam and if Paul hadn't seen in Sam's own mind how much he loved Emily he'd swear that the man was still in love with Leah…even after all these years. The regret and pain was still there just under the surface, even after she had finally forgave him and let it go. He was happy with Emily but when Leah came around, even if he knew she was happy with Embry and harboured no ill feelings toward him anymore, it was still there at the back of his mind painfully present as it always has been and as long as he let it, always would be.

So maybe that was the problem then, imprinting wasn't as strong as they thought it was. Maybe it wasn't meant to be. It messed with everyone's head even if they hadn't imprinted. Seth, Leah and Embry were the only ones who stopped worrying about it and started living their lives but even then they still had that fear of looking into anyones eyes, afraid somone would get hurt or their choices would be taken from them, it probably would happen but at least they were trying to move on with their lives.

Paul felt sick by the time he got home. Bella was over for the night, she was just getting Sierra ready for bed when he walked in the door, he didn't realize he had been gone that long.

After saying good night to his daughter he walked back to the living room where Bella was waiting for him, she looked as tense as he felt and he knew it had nothing to do with what he just seen, at least not all of it.

"What happened Paul? Because Leah was really upset when she called me earlier and I couldn't understand what she was saying." Bella wrung her hands together and tried to control her breathing. "I've tried to call her back and she's not picking up the phone and now I'm worried about her." Leah was closer to Bella than she was with anyone else at the moment, she was someone that Leah could confide in and she often did, Paul never asked her what they talked about, it wasn't his business, Leah deserved some privacy after all these years.

"Its always a touchy subject with Leah, the imprinting thing but she was probably upset because tonight was just another reminder that she cant have children and _assholes_ like us can." Everyone in the pack knew Leah thought about children and before he stopped phasing Paul remembered her worrying that Embry would leave her because she couldn't give him a child, that's if he didn't imprint by then. Bella wiped at her face before reaching for the hem of her skirt and running it between her fingers.

"Does-does she know for sure that she can't have children? Has she been checked?" He shook his head, he honestly didn't know. Leah's fears and worries were shared within the pack and no one dared to suggest she get tested. He thought that maybe if she stopped phasing it was possible but she was afraid to try, she didn't want that last bit of hope she had left to be torn away from her.

"I don't know." He felt Leah's pain for the first time after Sierra was born, when Leah handed his daughter back to him, she had a sad smile on her face. Before then he didn't try to understand her he was afraid to but he after that, after he looked into his daughters eyes he simply got it and didn't go out of his way to feel sorry for Leah because he knew she hated that but he sort of understood why it hurt her so much.

Paul grabbed Bella's hand and pulled her onto his lap, she made him feel normal...human, which was strange because he wasn't normal and neither was she. Bella played with the collar of his shirt while he held her.

"I worry about that too you know…that I might not be able to have-and well…I don't even know if I even want children yet." He tilted his head, he hadn't actually even thought about asking her that, or talking about it with her. Bella was turning twenty four in a few days and sometimes he felt much, much older than he actually was and these things didn't ever cross his mind, he had already been married, already had a daughter…did he want more children? He didn't know that yet either.

"Do-do you want any more children?" She had turned her big brown eyes on him.

"I don't know that yet either. I haven't been thinking that far ahead." It was true and Bella looked slightly disappointed by his honesty. He pulled her in a little tighter, there wasn't anything he could say in that moment to comfort her but he tried. "I never think about those things Bella. You and I both know that it's better to live in the here and now then to worry about a future we have no control over." Bella thought that over before nodding her head.

"So while we're here and I have the day off tomorrow…" She leaned forward to kiss him, he was glad to not be talking about or thinking about children he may or may not want to have and a future he honestly never thought much about.

"I guess we'll have to make the most of it." Even if it had been a long enough day and she was moving around in his lap to face him, he wasn't going to say no to her.

Paul was comfortable with her there now, with her anywhere, any time as long as Sierra wasn't around, which reminded him, she might still be awake and he didn't need her coming down the stairs to see Bella riding him on the couch, there would be no father of the year award for him then. He stopped her and let her catch her breath before saying anything.

"Sierra might still be up." Her eyes widened and her face went red, as she tried to scramble off of his lap.

"Easy there kitten." Paul chuckled as she glared at him. "I didn't say we had to stop, just maybe take it upstairs?" She took him by the hand and he gladly followed her up to his room. As any good girlfriend would do before taking her boyfriend to bed, she peaked in on his daughter before tip toeing back out and shushing his every movement. He laughed when they got into his room and shut the door, she was at least considerate enough to wait another half an hour before climbing on top of him, she was also very good about keeping her voice down. Even when he was slamming himself into her she was very impressive at finding ways to keep her moans soft enough to not be heard from the tiny ears down the hall.

Bella was a scratcher and a biter and when they had a place to themselves she was a screamer, those were all things he liked. They were both adults and knew not to bite each others necks and anywhere else visible to the rest of the seeing world. She worked with children and probably wouldn't appreciate it if he marked up her neck and although he worked on a site with a bunch of guys, he didn't do the whole swapping-stories thing. After years of seeing and sharing thoughts with other people, he liked his privacy.

There weren't too many things that bothered him about her, maybe for being so tiny compared to him, she was a bit of a blanket and bed hog but not much else. Bella was awake before him, even if she didn't work, she had coffee on and a lunch packed for him when he finally managed to pull himself out of bed. Since she was sticking around she was taking Sierra to school.

"Are you going to be here when I get back?" He asked between bites of toast. Bella looked ready to bite his head off, right, she didn't like when people talked with their mouth's full. He swallowed before talking again. "I mean if you are then I can pick up something on the way home so you wont have to cook and if you're done at Leah's by then you can pick up the pup…" He was hoping to keep her there for the weekend and she probably knew it. Bella smiled.

"Do you want me to be here when you get back?" She was batting her lashes at him and for someone who got less sleep than he did, she looked pretty good so early in the morning.

"You know I do." She did and she wanted him to say it. Instead of going back and forth with her like he normally would have, had it been a weekend and he had time to kill he just kissed her and told her "Of course I want you here. I'll call you before I head home."

It wasn't until he was driving home from work that day that he realized he did want her there in his home, if he could have her there all the time he would. The thought scared him a bit, they hadn't been together that long but everything with them flowed _that_ smoothly, _that_ easily. It wasn't like he'd do something stupid like ask her to move in or something, he wasn't to that point yet but he could be and probably would be eventually...

Bella's birthday was the following week and he had been told by her and everyone else who knew her that she hated surprises. She didn't mind any of his other surprises so he ignored that advice and gave her a hell of a surprise when he took her to the six flags in Seattle. Since he knew Leah needed to get away, he invited her and Embry along, they could all use a break. Jake was watching Sierra and he promised that he'd take her along next time and she agreed as long as he brought her back something.

When Bella figured out where they were she got nervous, it didn't take her long to loosen up though and eventually she wanted to go on most of the rides and he could see her light up when she finally just let go.

The four of them split up, he wanted Bella to choose somewhere to go and even if it was some boring art museum, she was happy and that was all he was aiming for. It was a whole day of rides and junk food and he'd pay for it later but he enjoyed himself, even Leah enjoyed it, the trip was definitely worth it.

Paul just let Embry take his truck back to the rez, he was staying at Bella's for the night, where there weren't going to be as many ears around to hear her thanking him over and over again.

He was still a year and a half younger than her and teased her about being a cougar, she liked that name less than kitten and he planned on switching it up as often as he could.

She was tired, they both were but neither wanted to miss taking advantage of a kid-free evening. He picked her up and wondered if she was really that light or if he was still a little freakishly strong. Maybe both.

"Where to Miss Swan?" Because they didn't _have_ to go to her room, the kitchen sounded like a good idea, so did the shower or maybe they could dirty up her always clean living room. Bella thought about it for a moment before she pointed him to the kitchen, he hoped she knew that he wasn't thinking about food. She shimmied out of her jeans and tossed her shirt on the floor, he stood there for a moment appreciating everything about her. From the birth mark on her ankle to the curve of her ass all the way to the bottom lip she was always gnawing on.

He picked her up and sat her on the counter, she was still wearing her bra and panties. Taking off his own shirt he leaned into her, running his nose and lips from her shoulder to her collar bone, he could always smell her more than he could anyone else, all his senses returned to him when she was around, he thought it might have something to do with the crescent shaped scar on her wrist, or it could have just been her.

Moving his hand to her face he ran a finger along her jaw before moving to her hair. A small moan fell from her lips when he gently tugged her head back, his other hand was moving along her thigh and his lips were moving up her long neck. Bella had her hands busy with the button on his jeans, she popped it open and started pushing them down with his boxers.

She wrapped her hand around him and gave him a few strokes before wiggling herself a little closer to the ledge she was perched on. She pouted when he pulled himself away, he had time and rarely got to taste her and that's exactly what he wanted to do. Bella always seemed more nervous when he focused solely on her. Pushing her panties aside he watched her face, she was both excited and worried about something, he wasn't going to give her time to pull herself away. He gently bit at her thigh before grabbing her ass and pulling her toward his face, her scent was everywhere and it shook something in him. His tongue moved around her opening and his fingers followed, she sucked in a breath and shuddered as he slid his long finger into her.

He licked and sucked at her until she threw her head back and clamped down around his fingers panting his name as she came. Before he could ask her if she was okay, she was pulling at him, kissing him again. He almost laughed when she made a face, she could taste herself on him. Bella wasn't shy but she always took a little while to get comfortable.

Her underwear was tossed on the floor as she spread her legs for him. Paul wasted no time giving her what she wanted. She held onto the counter for leverage as she ground herself against him, forcing him deeper inside her. With every thrust she let out a little moan and he could feel her walls tightening as she came. Paul was no where near finished as he pulled out and turned her around so she was face down. He held her legs together and lifted her as he slid inside her again, she was tight and wet and coming down from her second orgasm it didn't take her long to come again, he leaned down and nipped at her shoulder and neck. His body shook with hers when he finally came.

She stood up on shaky legs and pulled him down to her height to kiss him. He pulled away a little bit and whispered "Happy birthday my little kitten." She shivered as he kissed her on the shoulder again. It didn't occur to him at that moment that he'd laid a claim on her, not some wolf shit but him, he laid claim on her.

"Thank you." She hadn't come back with Pauly bear or honey pot or whatever she called him. "This has been one of the best birthdays ever and that is an exclusive list with only two other birthdays" He knew she was serious but he laughed anyway. "...thank you." She smiled at him before kissing his chin.

That night Paul had dreams of a wedding except it wasn't his, it was his daughters wedding and although most of the faces were familiar it was the one other person aside from a grown up Sierra that stood out to him…it was Bella's.

He woke up and Bella was beside him, hogging the covers. He felt cheesy for smiling at her, for feeling happy but he was.

He still feared being alone, worried about Sierra growing up and forgetting about him, the way so many people he loved and cared about did, intentional or not. Sierra wouldn't but the rational part of him seemed to forget that. If he woke up beside Bella twenty years from now, her hogging the bed, the blankets he'd be happy. He wouldn't be worrying about what happened to her, he'd have her. If he could think about his future for a few minutes he was going to and then he was going to go back to sleep and wake up and let life happen.

**A/N: Alright so I know there was a lot happening here but…I think I like writing from Paul'sPOV more than I do Bella's(I'll probably still switch them up though)**

**I want to say thank you to the many who have added this to their story alerts and favourites…and to those who have consistently(or not) left me feedback I really appreciate it**

**As always thank you for reading :)**


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter sixteen.

It was silent and awkward for every adult in the room. Not just the pack but the parents of the other children were from the reserve as well, everyone knew what was going on with Jared who was currently sitting with his head down beside an uncomfortable looking Kim and their son and then there was Lisa who was sitting on the opposite end of the large table while their daughter played with the other children. The two of them had agreed to some sort of arrangement but Lisa hadn't told Carrie-lynn that the man who had been coming around to visit was her dad, not just yet.

Bella was busying herself with the food and anything that didn't keep her sitting still for too long. Sierra's birthday party was princess themed and everything was pink, purple and adorable, Bella was happy to dress up as one of Sierra's favourite princesses, as long as it made Sierra happy she wasn't going to worry about what anyone else might think or say. If Paul could put up with the comments for a few hours so could she, even Quil's breakdown on the similarities between her and the Disney character she was currently dressed up as.

The yellow-ish dress she was wearing was itchy and uncomfortable as well as unflattering and tight but Bella wouldn't complain. If Leah could stroll in wearing a knee length buck skin dress without difficulty, then it should be easy. At least she didn't have to wear heels with it.

The small gym was tense and she wanted to open the door just to air it out, as if that would help. Leah glanced between her dress and Paul's Aladdin get-up before cracking up. Everyone looked up to see what she was laughing about, Leah simply shook her head before turning back to Bella and quietly telling her what she thought was funny.

"Aladdin and Belle? Oh my god." She was starting to poke fun at them but looked over to where Jake and Amanda had just walked in and like everyone else became distracted. The only people who were guilted into dressing up were Bella, Leah, Jake and of course Paul. Amanda looked pleased with her costume design as Jacob, the now alpha of a wolf pack had his head down and that broke the tension. He was wearing a suit, one that had been altered to look more…prince-like, everything about him looked so...ruffled. Leah didn't hold back, and neither did Quil or Embry. Bella's lips were pressed together and her tongue was probably going to be sore from her biting down on it so hard. She knew that she also looked ridiculous but he really was a sight. When he rolled his eyes and told everyone to go ahead and laugh, she did, they all did.

Things seemed to relax a bit after the food was finally served. Sierra was happily walking around in a little mermaid costume, one she loved to wear on a regular basis, Bella watched as she mingled with the other princesses and the twins, who were lucky enough to not have to dress up, although Bella looked at the boys and smiled, she knew they would have, had Sierra asked them to and they would have done it with a smile on their faces, those boys loved her like everyone else did. Emily was watching them, making sure they weren't too rough with any of the other kids, especially since they were surrounded by mostly girls, Bella laughed as Emily pulled them apart without batting an eye and the way they listened to her, the woman was meant to be a mother.

"You did a pretty good job here Bells." Jake came to stand beside her, she smiled up and shrugged. It wasn't that big a deal. "Seriously. Its nice to see them happy, especially Sierra. We know you don't have to do these things but you do and-" he turned to really look at her.. "I know you love them and its nice that they have you and you have them…." She didn't want to cry at Sierra's birthday party but this sort of talk made her emotional. "they love you too you know." At least all those with super hearing were pretending not to listen at that particular moment, Jake wrapped her in a one armed hug before going back to Amanda who was watching them closely. Bella smiled at her, she really didn't talk to the woman very much, there wasn't a lot to say these days, she didn't hate her, or even dislike her, she just didn't bother with her. Paul wrapped her up from behind a couple minutes later.

"What was that about?" He whispered low enough so those listening or pretending not to couldn't hear. Bella turned her head slightly and smiled up at him.

"Just a sappy moment between old friends." She couldn't kiss him without having to tip toe and it would have been awkward if she tried with him behind her. Paul didn't say anything more, he just held her a little more tightly and she had a feeling that he had heard everything anyway.

Sierra ran up to them holding Carrie-lynn's hand.

"Can I open my presents now?" Paul released Bella and they both nodded. Cake and presents were next on her list anyway and by the way Quil and Seth were eyeing the cake, it was better to get it served to the kids and everyone else quickly before they dug in. Of course they wouldn't ruin Sierra's cake but she knew that as much food as there was, and that they had already eaten, they were still hungry and the cake might not be safe for much longer.

They all sang a very off key version of happy birthday to Sierra and she tore through all of her presents and then thanked everyone for coming because Paul and Rachel had taught her manners and that was something she never would forget or need to be reminded of.

After everything was done and parents, children and most wolves were filing out Bella started cleaning and Seth and Leah stuck around to help her out. Paul had his hands full with a sugar filled Sierra.

"I'm gonna get her home, I'll come right back after I drop her and all this stuff off." He said pointing to the mountain of toys and clothes by the door. Bella laughed and shook her head, Sierra was nearly bouncing off the walls and it was definitely better that he got her home and calmed her down a bit, she could handle the clean up.

"Don't worry about it the Swan slash Clearwater's have this under control." Both Seth and Leah looked over at her, each looked amused by her words. They were her family and she liked saying so when she had the chance. Paul leaned in to kiss her and thank Leah and Seth before picking up whatever bags and boxes he could. After Seth managed to get all the decorations down and most of the lifting done he left and Bella was sweeping while Leah wiped everything down.

"Leah…?" She was hesitant to ask her this but she really had been thinking a lot about it. Leah turned around from the table she was scrubbing down and raised an eyebrow. There was a moment of silence before Leah sighed and Bella gathered together whatever courage she could. "Yea Bella?"

"I had this idea and I was wanting to talk to you about it and please just hear me out." Leah frowned at her but nodded for her to continue. "Well I know how it upsets you to think about not being able to have your own children but have you considered the other options?" Leah shrugged.

"What like adoption and surrogacy and becoming a lab rat?" Both women winced when she said it but Bella nodded in agreement.

"I mean there's even becoming a foster parent, there are so many kids who could use a good home and I know you'd be the most amazing mom no matter how it happened, even if you were a foster mom. They couldn't not love you." Bella looked at her proudly, she wanted Leah to have children because she knew she wanted them and if that meant adopting or surrogacy or whatever, she couldn't see a future where Leah wasn't changing diapers and cleaning cuts, it was weird but she could see it perfectly. Leah put down the scrubber and tilted her head to look at Bella.

"I know its selfish of me but…I never even considered that option." She was thoughtful for a moment. "I mean do you really think I could do that?" She sounded so hopeful and Bella knew she could. Both her and Embry would make great parents and the family structure had changed over the years, mixed, blended, adopted, foster, same sex, families didn't necessarily have to be traditional. Bella nodded.

"Of course! And…" She wasn't so sure how Leah would take this next part but she had to offer anyway. "and Leah I am healthy and capable of being a surrogate if…" She felt nervous even saying it but Leah didn't look angry or offended. "I mean if that was something you wanted to do, I'd help you." Leah took a few steps forward and pulled Bella into a hug.

"Thank you Bella. I don't think it will ever come to that but thank you for offering. I am going to looking into the foster parenting thing though and maybe you could help me out with that?" Bella smiled and nodded as she pulled her back into a hug. Leah started giggling and Bella wasn't sure what was funny about it but Leah found a lot of strange things funny.

"Oh god. Did the woman dressed up as Belle really just offer the woman dressed up as Pocahontas her womb?" Bella laughed, it was sort of an odd situation but she was glad that she could help Leah out in whatever way she could.

They finished up and Leah thanked her again before saying goodbye, she walked away each step looked lighter and she looked…happy. Bella smiled as she turned to walk to Paul's, she should be used to the attention she received from some of his exes, if they could even be called that, but she wasn't. She wondered how Rachel dealt with it but then she thought, they probably liked her, she was Quileute and she was meant for Paul and it was obvious to anyone on the outside looking in, even if they had no idea what imprinting was.

"Bella?" A voice from behind her called, she turned and Lisa was walking toward her. Bella still felt weird around her but they could hold a conversation as she learned over the past couple of weeks. "Hey I wanted to thank you and Paul for inviting us." Bella smiled warmly, she felt a little uncomfortable accepting thanks for Paul but she didn't want to offend Lisa and she always liked the way her name sounded lumped in with Paul's and Sierra's, although she wouldn't admit it to anyone…

"Oh um, no problem? …We're glad you could make it and I loved Carrie-lynn's dress." Lisa smiled a real smile and thanked her. "Did you make it?" She assumed that she did, it was a sweet white dress that puffed out and she had attached wings and a little wand, like a tiny fairy princess.

"Yea it took me weeks to make. Between work and Carrie, I managed to get it done though." She waved her hands in the air as she spoke and Bella hadn't seen her so animated before.

"Well she looked beautiful and you should be proud." Lisa nodded her head at Bella, still smiling. They walked in the direction of Paul's house, Lisa was on her way to her parents place and they chatted about the girls and Lisa looked a lot more relaxed than she had a few weeks ago.

"I'm sorry I was um…well I'm sorry I was a bitch. Its just rough sometimes and I never know who to trust and actually Paul is one of the only people who wanted to talk to me, one of the only people who didn't look at me like the rez whore…" Both women were stopped outside of Paul's house now. "I just get my guard up and I feel bad about it doing that to you now" Bella waved it off.

"I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have made assumptions. I mean I still have my walls up too and I guess we all have issues to sort through huh?" Bella knew that Lisa wasn't a bad person, she hadn't thought she was a whore. Shit happens and she knew that.

"I didn't mean to start all this trouble. Honestly I didn't and I know Jared didn't either. He's not the bad guy, we were both irresponsible and I wont say I regret it because I have my daughter but I wish it didn't have to hurt anyone else to get her." She was looking to Bella for something, maybe acceptance and she had no reason to not accept her.

"It happens and all you can do is move forward right? I mean what's the point of dwelling on a past we cant change…" Bella felt like she was babbling and stopped herself in time to see Lisa smiling.

"Right. Anyway…sorry to um just throw all that at you, thanks for listening too. Paul's got my number maybe we can get the girls together soon." She said goodbye and Bella was left standing outside Paul's house feeling a little bit confused. Lisa had opened up to her of all people and she wasn't really sure why.

Paul was leaning against the door frame watching her when she finally turned around. He had a huge smile on his face.

"So I see you've made a new friend." He chuckled as he pulled her into the house. Bella shook her head slowly.

"I don't think she meant to tell me all that she did. I mean she started off thanking me…or us for inviting her and Carrie-lynn and then I don't know…" Paul followed her into the kitchen and sat beside her at the table, watching her. "She also said that you had her number and that we should get the girls together soon." He nodded his head.

"You should, Lisa doesn't have too many friends around here. I'm sure she'd like the company. Sierra is always up for hanging out with Carrie-lynn." He didn't sound bothered by this but she felt a little weird about it, the way she had when she was being credited as Sierra's other parent…she wasn't even sure when it started happening but it was and she felt incredibly guilty about it. Rachel was her mom and Bella was her…well she was just her Bella and she never wanted people to dismiss the woman who gave this little girl all the love and care in the world before Bella had ever even came into the picture.

"Yea I could do that. I mean if that's okay with you." Paul nodded but his eyebrows pulled down as he looked her, she knew he was trying to figure out what the issue was and maybe it was best to change the subject.

"I offered Leah my body tonight, although I don't think she'll take me up on the offer…" His mouth turned up a little bit as she hoped it would. "I talked to her about well…baby-stuff and I thought if it ever came down to her needing a surrogate or something I could do that for her." She was nervously tapping her fingers against the table, he was quiet and she wasn't sure if she had offended him, maybe. At some point maybe she'd need to learn to think before she spoke.

"You'd do that for her?" It was Bella's turn to frown as she looked between her hands and nodded.

"Of course. Leah's my family and I mean if its possible then why not." He smiled before wrapping an arm around her shoulder. "She doesn't think she'll want to do that but I also talked to her about becoming a foster parent and I think she might be looking into that idea too."

"Yea that would be something I could see her and Embry doing." He kissed her on the side of the head and she took a moment to enjoy feeling loved and cared for, the way he often made her feel. "Thanks for helping out today." She shrugged her shoulders because she really didn't mind doing things like helping with his daughters birthday party, if it made Sierra or Paul happy she was finding that those things just came easily, naturally. Paul stood up and waited at the doorway for her.

They had a routine now, at least for the weekends. Maybe other couples who haven't been married, widowed, divorced and dealing with a child had time for dates and going out more often than they did but Bella was happy with the way things were. Paul didn't have to do anything for her as far as she was concerned, she was truly content to just be with him, to have him and Sierra in her life.

**As always thank you for reading :)**


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter seventeen.

It happened to normal people sometimes, or at least that's what he heard. One day they would just wake up and they were years into a relationship, completely unaware of how they had gotten there. He woke up one day and was eight months into a relationship with Bella, it was serious, at least he knew how he got there. The ribbing about marriage was non stop especially since Embry and Leah's wedding was just around the corner and Amanda was ready to break out her wedding binder to anyone willing to listen, she was annoying, the whole wedding thing was annoying in general though.

It also bothered Bella, she was just too polite to say anything and that left her in awkward situations that she wasn't ever prepared to deal with. Things like having to give an opinion on what she would choose for her own wedding and what she'd want Paul to wear and all sorts of shit that she couldn't seem to escape, he always got the play by play after, if she was going to be tortured by having to sit through it, he was going to have to listen. It was a deal he didn't remember agreeing to and he definitely didn't like it. The woman was not ready to be married, she could do commitment, he had no doubt about that but marriage wasn't something she might not ever want or be ready for and he wasn't so sure about it himself and having everyone pressuring them about it didn't make it any better.

"So we've been paired off when it comes to this wedding business…and I'm pretty sure Leah chose the closest colour to white for my dress just to prove a point." She shook her head frustrated as she stared down whatever plans Leah had left behind for her to go over, maid of honour duties. No one was closer to Leah than Bella at the moment and of course she was pleased to be involved at all, well she was, that is until she realized how much responsibility it came with.

"If Leah wanted to make a point she'd just come right out with it." Paul told her honestly and because it was true Bella nodded. Leah had no motives, well he didn't think she did. If she wanted a marriage to happen between them, he had no doubt she'd be the one holding them hostage in a church or even a small room until it was done, she was too worried about her own wedding to think about much else at the moment, he was glad at least one person wasn't pushy.

"I know. I just talked to Billy today and well you know him and now he's got my dad dropping hints to me." She rolled her eyes and gave him an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry, I know it's probably not easy for you either." Paul shrugged. It didn't matter to him, he didn't really give a shit what anyone else thought well most of the time anyway.

"They'll forget about it after this wedding is all over and done with…"he turned to smirk at her. "Oh and then they'll be back on our asses in another year when Jake get's married." Bella sighed dramatically before dropping the small packet of papers onto the table.

"Oh god. Maybe we can go away for that…take Sierra and get out of here. Jake would understand, I'm pretty sure he doesn't want to be here for that either." She laughed, shaking her head. They all knew how huge _that_ wedding was going to be, poor Jake had his work cut out for him. Paul grinned, her plans for escape made him want to drag her upstairs, maybe if it wasn't a Saturday afternoon and Sierra wasn't here with her friend…

"Before I forget, I invited Lisa over for dinner she's bringing _someone_." He frowned, it wasn't like he didn't like Lisa, she was around enough now that her and Bella got along but she was bringing people over? Bella shrugged and tidied the mess in front of her again. "She's been seeing this guy for like a month now and you already know him so I didn't think it would be _that_ big of a deal." She wouldn't meet his eyes and he knew there was something else she wasn't saying.

"Who is it Bella?" She peaked at him from behind the papers and he thought she looked guilty.

"Um…well that's the funny part….I guess I mean its not really all that funny but its sort of odd. You might not like it but its probably a good thing in the long run." He put his hand up to stop her from rambling, she could do it all day if he let her and he wanted to know who was going to be walking through his door in a couple hours.

"Its Quil." She almost whispered but he could hear her so clearly sometimes, this was one of those times. Quil? The same Quil that imprinted on a little girl over six years ago, the same Quil that hadn't looked at a woman 'in that way' since.

"Quil." He couldn't even imagine the guy with a woman, not that he wanted to. Having to share all his little kid thoughts at one time was weird enough. It wasn't like he thought of Claire as anything other than a little girl, like a little sister but she was his imprint and he thought about nothing but her. It made a lot of them uncomfortable for a long time but they didn't say it out loud, Quil wouldn't hurt her but it was pretty fucked up that everyone just assumed she'd grow up and willingly accept the man who helped raise her as a mate…fucked up on so many levels. If any of the assholes he knew looked at his daughter like she was their whole world, he wouldn't hesitate to break a neck, even if it was something he knew couldn't be helped.

"Quil…is coming here _with_ Lisa." He had to make sure this part was clear. Bella nodded. "So Quil…Quil Ateara is seeing Lisa…and they're coming here for dinner…together?" She laughed and then nodded again.

"Yes. I mean if that's okay with you. I don't want to make you uncomfortable but I thought maybe you'd be happy for him. For her." Of course he was glad to see Quil acting like a man now, the guy needed something normal in his life and if it was Lisa then who the hell was he to stop him.

"Yea. No its fine. Just weird." He wasn't shocked, maybe a little taken off guard because it was strange but he'd get over it.

When Lisa showed up with a guilty looking Quil, Paul couldn't help but laugh. The guy looked like a grown man for the first time and it didn't look as strange as he thought it would, he looked happy. Paul clapped him on the back as a welcome gesture and Lisa followed Bella into the front room. Quil waited for a few seconds before pointing not so subtly with his head back outside.

"Can I talk with you a minute?" He looked nervous and Paul nodded following him out the door. He considered most of the pack his family, that included Quil, they didn't ever really hang out though, it wasn't really awkward becuase it was impossible to be anything but comfortable with someone that's seen inside your mind, someone that seen you naked on more than one occasion.

"I think the um, imprint. I think its broken." He didn't look too upset about this and Paul could understand why. He wasn't in any position to compare or whatever but he got it. Imprinting seemed like something completely crazy after the fact. Well even before the fact but after living, breathing and sleeping imprint for however long, it was like waking up from some dream where everything was just _too perfect_ and you cant really remember it because you're too busy focusing on all the things you missed. Yea he could sort of relate.

"When did this happen?" He believed him, he didn't need to know how or why because Quil looked so normal and maybe not as creepily happy as he used to but he was obviously happy to be free from his imprint. Having to be tied to a child, being forced to watch her grow up and trying not to think about the future had to be rough on his emotional and mental health. It probably didn't help having someone like him and Leah call him a pedophile either, they knew he wasn't like that but they were both pretty cruel when they wanted to be and Quil fell victim to it more than once.

"Some time after Jared broke the news to everyone I guess. I just started distancing myself from her and then one day I noticed she was just a kid, like my cousins or like Sierra and I had to get away. It's not like I didn't know it before but man." Quil looked torn as he talked about it, like it made him sick. " Fuck. I don't know it was like the sun, the thing I'd been looking at for so long was being eclipsed and I know that sounds cheesy but I could finally look away and then I didn't want to look back…does that make sense?" Paul nodded but remained quiet.

"I don't want it back. It hurt like a bitch but I don't want to be that creepy fucking old guy that's always hanging around. She has a dad, she has uncles, she doesn't need me anymore."

Both men sat there on the front steps quietly. Paul didn't blame the guy for wanting to be let out of those shackles, he hadn't thought about it when he was imprinted and didn't ever imagine he'd feel that way but he still knew how unnatural it was.

"So Lisa huh?" Paul quirked an eyebrow at his old pack mate. Quil chuckled.

"Yea man she's a cool chick." Paul nodded, he didn't know how long they would last but it was probably good for the both of them to at least be moving on with their lives. He wasn't going to lecture him on the complexities of dating a single parent because Lisa had that covered and Quil was easy going enough to not get worked up if he came second to a kid...

Dinner was comfortable and Paul didn't ask any more questions about the broken imprint and he honestly didn't want to know if the pack knew or not. It was Quil's business and if he could manage to give himself privacy with everyone else in his head, he deserved to have it. Lisa was still oblivious to the big secret, although Paul was sure she, like many of the other people in the area knew something was up with these guys but she kept out of it.

After their dinner guests left, Paul, Bella and Sierra sat down to watch a movie. Sierra stretched out on the floor and Bella had her feet thrown up on his lap. He enjoyed these moments with them, both of them laughed at a movie they'd seen a hundred times, every single time. His daughter eventually crawled onto the couch and shoved him, or tried to shove him over so she could sit between him and Bella where she eventually fell asleep.

"Do you think Jared's going to be mad about Quil dating his…um ex or whatever?" Bella asked him while she played with the tips of Sierra's hair. Paul shrugged, he wasn't sure but he didn't think his friend had a say in the matter, he could be mad but it wasn't going to change anything.

"Maybe but he'll get over it." Bella gave him a tiny smile before looking down at Sierra, she was tucked under her arm. They sat there for a little while longer and he knew Bella was tired as well, he could see her eyes getting heavy before Sierra's did.

"Hmm well I guess that's good. Lisa's not so lonely anymore...and neither is Quil." He looked at her, she had her head back on the small cushion behind her head and her eyes were closed. Funny he never thought of Quil as lonely but maybe he was...

He packed Sierra off to bed and came back down for Bella, she was already asleep. He lifted her feet and sat down with her legs on his lap again, she mumbled sometimes in her sleep and he was usually too tired to listen but she said "I love you." And it might have been rude to listen in but she did happen to say his name too.

Leaning over her, she was still asleep he very quietly told her that he loved her too. It had to count, he would tell her when she was awake one of these days but only when he was sure she was ready to hear it and when he was ready to say it.

Jared didn't over react when he found out about Lisa and Quil and that's probably because like the rest of the pack he was just relieved for Quil, relieved that life wouldn't have to be any more complicated for him than it had already been over the past few years. He didn't get mad because Kim would have strung him out by his balls, she was forgiving but she had her limits and seeing him get upset over his ex, the woman he cheated on her with, the woman he got pregnant, would have pushed her over the edge and he wasn't willing to fess up if he had been upset.

Leah seemed more comfortable with the information because if her or Embry ever did imprint, it could be broken and she could finally breathe properly. Paul knew her, he knew that she worried about that even if she had fooled everyone else into believing she was okay with it, that she could deal with it if it ever happened. She lost one man and he knew she did fear losing another but knowing that it didn't have to tear her apart again, she really seemed okay.

Some time after Christmas break Paul noticed that Bella's things were starting to appear at his house and it didn't bother him. He wasn't sure if she even noticed, she usually just left things there and by February, he had just sort of accepted that she always had clothes there and her shampoo and some of her lotions had made their way into his bathroom. The pots and pans she brought over when she baked or cooked from home were now in his cupboards and he had shrugged it off, it wasn't a big deal, she spent lots of time there anyway.

When they broke the only-weekends-rule and she started staying a few nights a week he thought it was best to talk to her. He didn't want her to leave but he couldn't just pretend it wasn't happening.

Bella was marking some papers on the kitchen table while Sierra sat down and handed her stickers, she loved helping Bella and Bella loved her help.

"Baby can you go and pick up the toys in your room." He was always glad Sierra was so perceptive in moments like these, she didn't ask why or complain she looked between him and Bella and nodded before running off. Bella tilted her head to the side and watched him, he noticed she didn't freak out so much about their relationship anymore, that was good, she wasn't as insecure because she knew she didn't have a reason to be.

"Everything okay?" She was waiting for him to say something.

"Everything's good. Just wanted to know if you were moving in." He almost laughed at her expression, her mouth fell open and her eyes were nearly popping out of her head.

"What…why…I mean we're not ready for that right? I thought we talked about that." Her voice got all high and squeaky, she sounded panicked and he couldn't not laugh. She glared at him.

"That is not funny Paul." He nodded in agreement, it definitely wasn't all that funny but the fact that she was practically moving in all along was.

"Its not and we haven't talked about it but maybe we should. A lot of your stuff is already here and I sort of like it here." This wasn't really what he planned at all, but since he was already getting into it, he wasn't going to stop. "If you wanted to move in maybe in the next few months, after school's over I wouldn't mind having you here." She stared at him, her jaw still slack.

"You're serious? I mean what about Sierra and where would I put all my stuff? And…and I don't know if it's a good idea Paul. What if things don't work out and then…" He moved over to where she was and knelt down beside her to calm her down a little bit.

"I'm serious and why wouldn't things work out?" He didn't think it was that big of a deal, it wasn't like he meant for her to move in right then, they had time to decide. "It doesn't have to be today or tomorrow, I'm just letting you know if you want to move in with us…you can. When you're ready."

Bella sat there completely silent, completely still, her head down, it was the longest minute of his life. When she finally looked up at him she seemed really unsure, all those insecurities were front and center again.

"I don't want to…I mean I want to but if you wake up one day and decide I'm not it for you…think about what that's going to do to Sierra, I don't want to confuse her." She sounded small and scared. Paul grabbed her hand and pulled her so she was standing in front of him. He still had to lean in and he did so as he held her face in his hands.

"I love you…you do know that right?" She was looking in his eyes and he was positive she was going to cry. Of course she was going to.

"I-I, love you too." She said, he smiled and nodded his head.

"I know." She narrowed her eyes and he didn't give her a chance to get into a little rant, he kissed her and enjoyed that moment, he wasn't expecting to feel that way about anyone ever again but here he was considering having this woman move into his house, telling her he loved her, these things weren't supposed to happen. Paul was too busy holding her up as she clung to him to really notice his daughter stomping back down the stairs. Smart kid, too bad they weren't paying attention.

"I cleaned up my room can I finish helping now?" Sierra strolled back into the room while Bella was still wrapped up around him. She quickly untangled herself from him and straightened out her clothes and fanned her face. Sierra sat down in the seat Paul had kicked her out of and stared at them. Bella nodded.

"Of course. Okay I just have to get everything organized again." Bella said as she pushed Paul out of the room. He could hear Sierra giggling behind him.

Bella didn't give him an answer but she brought over her favourite pillow from home and if possible, she looked even more comfortable there than she had a few days before. Thankfully she didn't need to be told constantly that he loved her, she knew it and that was enough but he still told her when he buried himself inside her, when she climbed onto his lap and just whenever he felt like it. It didn't scare him anymore, and he certainly didn't have any problems moving forward with her.

**A/N: Does anyone actually buy that a teenage boy would happily give up everything he knows in life for a child, one that he just met? That this guy could devote his everything to a child waiting for her to grow up so she might possibly accept him as a mate…is this not twisted to anyone else? Child imprints are weird and I know its not real but if it were…can you imagine the tv specials on it? Lol okay anyway that's over with because I don't like it. Not even a little bit.**

**As always thank you for reading :)  
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	18. Chapter 18

Chapter eighteen.

Bella wandered around her house and thought about Paul's offer for her to move in. The quiet was not something she liked anymore. Sierra had Carrie-lynn or the twins over every other day when she was there, the sound of children running around and screaming and even fighting sometimes was comforting to her. Hell, even having the noisy guys over was comforting and there in her own house…it didn't feel so much like home anymore.

Obviously she had made her decision and she'd tell Paul eventually but she wasn't going anywhere until school was out and maybe she wouldn't sell the house, just rent it out or something. There would be things she'd need to get rid of for sure, things she couldn't take with her to his house. Bella walked out toward her garage where many of those boxes filled with memories of her time with Edward and the Cullen's were collecting dust.

It didn't bother her to think about just letting it all go, maybe the wedding dress would be sentimental and worth keeping if she had really wanted it to begin with. The classic dress was just so…Edward and she wore it for him, she did a lot of things for him and the strange thing was he didn't ask her to, no she did it for him all on her own. It would be easy to blame him for manipulating her but the truth was she was just a naive girl who fell in love with the idea of love. Fairy tales and happy endings with a handsome immortal, it all seemed really…childish to her now.

A shout from inside her house made her jump. Leah was there and because she liked to scare the crap out of Bella, she did so whenever she got the chance.

"Oh there you are. Eww it smells like expired leech in here." Leah walked in the garage and sat down on a small wooden crate. Shaking her head, Bella put the lid back on the tote and turned around to look at her sister…step sister. Leah looked so wired, as she did most days. Her wedding was a couple weeks away, thirteen days actually and Leah looked to be in constant planning mode.

"So Miss Clearwater soon to be Mrs. Call." Leah rolled her eyes at Bella but stayed quiet and she could see the tiny smile on her lips, that one that Leah got whenever she thought of being happily married to the man she was head over heels for. "Are we just about ready for the most mild stagette party in the world?" Bella laughed as Leah snapped out of her pre marital bliss for a moment to glare at her.

"Mild? Come on Bella I think I deserve at least something…" She tapped her chin for a minute thinking about something. "You don't have to hire a stripper or anything actually I'd rather you didn't I've seen enough naked men to last me a lifetime thanks." Bella laughed and shook her head. "I think we should at least go out. I knew I should have put Amanda in charge of this thing." That stopped Bella, Leah was smirking at her. "I'm kidding Bella god are you crazy I'd probably end up at the petting zoo or something equally insane." Both women laughed.

"Okay I did book us a room in Seattle, I sort of figured you would want something a little wilder but nothing too bad I don't need to wake up in some skuzzy hotel again…" Bella looked at Leah and her eyes widened, she hadn't shared that bit of information with anyone. Leah's eyes were narrowed and the corners of her mouth were turned up, she truly was evil sometimes.

"Again? Why, little sister, haven't you told me this story before? I'm sure I'd remember if Isabella Swan daughter of Police Chief Charlie Swan, ended up in some sleazy hotel room." Bella sighed and sat down beside Leah, she might as well tell her, its not like anything happened.

"Um well remember that time I went off to Seattle for a bit?" Leah nodded, still smiling. "Okay well I had all this money in my account from my 'settlement' with Edward." Leah hissed a little bit but kept from saying anything. "And after he pretty much determined the dollar amount I was worth and had a courier come pick up his mothers ring from me…" Bella took a breath. "I guess I thought I needed to celebrate or just use it as an excuse to get really, really drunk. I actually got the entire bar drunk and ran into a guy from high school I guess." Leah raised an eyebrow and Bella continued to explain. "Well I woke up and was in bed with this guy and I felt like shit and turns out it was this guy Mike who used to like me in high school, we didn't do anything but he said I got him and everyone drunk and we were in some shitty room on the other side of town to pass out I was dressed when I woke up." Bella shook her head at the memory. "I haven't really drank much since then."

"Wow. So you were really fucking lucky. Could you imagine if you hadn't run into this guy? I mean maybe he was too drunk to try anything and that was lucky too but jesus christ that's crazy. You are not allowed out of my sight when we go out…understand?" She gave Bella a pointed look and waited. Bella nodded. Leah continued to mutter. "And to think your fortune telling ex sister in law probably saw it coming too. Weird how none of the Cullen's were there to save your ass."

Bella hadn't thought about that. Alice would have seen it coming right? Maybe. And they just let her be human and make stupid human mistakes…she felt good about that. Would they have jumped in if someone tried to rape her or would they have left her so she could learn from her stupid decisions? It was stupid and she was lucky and for some fucked up reason she felt good about that. It was luck, dumb luck like other people sometimes had.

The school week always seemed longer and Bella loved her class, loved the school and her job but sometimes she just couldn't wait for Friday to roll around so she could see Paul and Sierra again. Wednesday nights she called her mom and got caught up on life with Renee, John and John's daughter and grandson. Her mom would gush about Dylan's latest drawings or his soccer games before asking when Bella was going to let her meet her granddaughter. Bella shook her head at her mother, she was so all about the family unit now and of course it was nice, she just wasn't sure what Paul would think of her and what Sierra would do if she started telling her to call her grandma or something, it made her cringe and she wanted to avoid them meeting for as long as possible.

Of course her mother wanted to come up and meet the man who answered all her prayers and Bella couldn't seem to find another excuse fast enough. They were set to come up the weekend before the wedding because Renee was a part of a family and where she went, John and his grandson went. Bella found out some time ago that his daughter was in the army and explained that her husband had been a tragic accident just after their sons third birthday, he died before a medic could get to him. Bella hadn't even met the woman yet but she had already cried for her, so many people had to go through so much and she would never understand it but she had more respect for John and her mothers decision to be with a stable good man like John. Bella was standing between the kitchen and living room at Paul's, she had been getting caught up in her own head a lot lately, no wonder people looked at her so strangely.

Paul crept up and wrapped his arms around her.

"What you thinking about kitten?" Bella rolled her eyes but smiled as she turned her head to kiss him.

"My mother and her new family coming to visit." Paul raised his eyebrows and smiled. She turned around to get a good look at him. "She wants to meet you." He smirked, sometimes he couldn't help but be cocky and she sort of liked it. Women who flirted with him didn't stand a chance unless he wanted them to.

"Oh yea? Is she going to be asking me about wedding plans and grandkids?" He was teasing but she honestly didn't know if her mother would have the nerve to ask such questions, she wouldn't put it past her. Paul noticed the look on her face, panic, and it was because she really didn't want her mom to freak him out and scare him off. "I can handle her." He kissed her on the head.

"I don't know Paul, she can get really…" she couldn't think of the right word. "…persistent I guess." He laughed and shook his head. Bella pulled back a bit to look at him, it was difficult considering he was towering over her at the moment. One of the other teachers had seen Paul one day and surprised the hell out of Bella when she came up to her after class to ask her how in the world they had sex. Bella blushed and stammered out a _"pardon me'? _before the woman, who was in her early sixties smiled and patted her arm. _"Oh he's just so huge and you well you're so tiny. I'd imagine it must get quite difficult sometimes." _Leah had unfortunately been within earshot and laughed until she cried. Bella shook her head at the memory, it was always awkward to see the older woman now.

"_Now_ what are you thinking about." Paul was watching her as she recovered from her past embarrassment.

"Nothing." Bella could feel her face heating up as he smiled at her. He leaned down and nipped at her neck. To answer the old woman's question…it was simple. Her body adjusted to Paul's and now she wasn't sure she'd ever be as comfortable with anyone else.

"Hmm. Nothing?" He pulled her into him, his fingers brushing the exposed skin at her waist. Bella nodded her arms were wrapped around him as he lifted her, still as if she weighed nothing and wrapped her legs around his waist. It was Lisa's day to have a sleepover with the girls and that meant a house to themselves so they didn't bother wasting time.

He walked with her still wrapped around him and stopped in the laundry room. Bella sighed as he set her down on the dryer.

"Paul its probably not a good idea for us to be in here. Remember the last time when Seth came barging in'?" She was going to strangle that kid. Sure he had a place with one of his friends and that friend didn't have laundry, it didn't mean he could just barge into Paul's house when he knew very well that Bella was over and Sierra wasn't home. There were some rules that kid didn't want to follow. Paul chuckled as he peeled off his own shirt. That was a sight she didn't get tired of and she wasn't superficial but Paul was a well built man with an amazing body, she couldn't help herself and she suddenly didn't care about being interrupted by step siblings.

"I think we'll be fine." Paul said as he pushed her legs open and stepped between them. Bella's breath hitched as it always did when Paul kissed her, when he touched her. He trailed his fingers up her arms and cupped her face, he always made her feel small but never breakable. Bella pulled her own shirt off and sat in her jeans and bra her legs gripping his.

He could have her panting and moaning without taking off her clothes, it left her feeling desperate and she often forget about a lot of things such as the time or place. One of his hands undid the button of her jeans, the other pulled down the strap of her bra while his lips followed. He was moving too slow and she wanted him now. Paul chuckled and gripped her by the hips to keep her still.

"What's the rush honey?" He whispered into her neck below her ear causing her to shiver. It was a Friday and she hadn't seen him all week and she missed him and those painfully wonderful slow burning touches were torture. Bella sighed and took a breath and then another.

"I missed you." She did miss him and that might have seemed crazy because she had only seen him a couple days earlier but she missed his body. She couldn't see him smiling but she could feel it before he nipped at her neck and then lifted her up to pull down her jeans and underwear.

"I missed you too." Paul wasn't in any hurry but he knew what she needed and laid her down, she winced at the feel of the cold machine beneath her. Paul mumbled an apology as he lifted her up and laid his shirt down under her. His body never felt the same to her but it always felt so good, so right. He was careful with her but not enough to make her crazy. Bella came undone quickly as Paul gripped her hips and slid into her slowly.

After she stopped trembling he had her turn over and lean against the washer. He lifted her legs as he pushed himself into her. This was exactly where she wanted to be, all the time. Paul came after a few hard strokes and leaned over her kissing her shoulder, his breath was hard and heavy and his weight should have felt like too much but it wasn't and she liked it.

He kissed her and helped her down and then he watched her as she slipped his shirt over her head and sniffed it. She noticed his eyebrows pull together and she blushed.

"You smell good." Was all she could say to him. It was true. There was nothing to describe what exactly he smelt like, she just liked it, it made her feel comfortable. Smells did that to people and it wasn't like it was _that_ unusual. Paul nodded and pulled her along to the bedroom.

When her body had had enough for the day she jumped in the shower and they went out. There weren't a lot of places to go in La Push and they usually ended up visiting friends. Jared and Kim were having marital issues at the moment and everyone seemed to be avoiding them. Bella felt bad for Kim, Jared hurt her and maybe he was sorry for it now but it didn't change anything and now poor Carrie-lynn was a reminder of a choice he'd made. Kim wasn't a vicious woman, thankfully and she accepted the little girl as a part of her family, she and Lisa rarely spoke unless they were discussing scheduled visits. Carrie knew she had another family and seemed to be okay with it, kids were resilient that way.

Lisa and Bella got along fine, better than fine actually and sometimes she felt bad about that but Kim didn't resent her for it and she wasn't there to make anyone feel worse about something that happened, she knew how _that_ felt. Things seemed to be good with her and Quil and Bella didn't imagine it would last forever but they really did like each other and both were happy. Jared didn't seem to like the idea of his ex being around his pack mate for some reason. Paul explained it was a wolf thing, that he was just being territorial Bella wasn't so sure but she kept her thoughts to herself.

They ended up at Jake and Amanda's, Bella worked really hard to get along with Amanda but for some reason it was difficult for her. Probably because Amanda was difficult. She was nice and sweet but she seemed a little spoiled sometimes. Jake on the other hand had finally seemed comfortable enough to have both Paul and Bella around, they could actually act like a couple with him there now without him making some stupid joke. Bella didn't mind seeing him anymore.

"So how's the wedding planning going Bell's?" She assumed he meant Leah's because she was a part of that process unfortunately. It was an honor but it was also a pain in the ass.

"Its going alright I guess." Bella looked up to both Jake and Paul's amused expression. She ignored it and continued on. "It could be worse. I mean at least Leah isn't some crazy bridezilla or something, she has an idea in mind and its simple…I like simple." Bella didn't look up at any of the three sets of eyes staring back at her.

"Leah…simple?" Jake laughed and stopped when he noticed both Bella and Amanda glaring at him. "Hey come on I was kidding…" he tried to defend himself. "But Paul knows, we've seen her head and Leah is definitely complicated." Paul put his hands up and kept his mouth shut, Jake rolled his eyes and apologized to Leah even if she wasn't there and both women let it go.

Amanda pulled Bella to the side and started asking for some input on her own wedding which was a year away and as usual Bella couldn't say no and ended up skimming through themes, dresses and suits. What she didn't allow herself to do was dream about her own wedding because she had her chance and a beautiful wedding, something small and uncomplicated with a dress she chose herself because it felt right, those were things she didn't think she deserved to have.

It wasn't a big deal if she never married again but she couldn't not imagine it sometimes. She didn't think Paul was too worried about it either, she thought that maybe Paul wanted to keep those major parts of his life for Rachel. She thought that being married and having children was meant for him and Rachel and she was okay with that.

He hadn't told her so yet but she was quite sure he didn't want any more children and was she willing to compromise for him? No. If she wanted children and he didn't, if she wanted marriage and he didn't…she wasn't going to give herself up this time. If Paul wasn't it forever, she wasn't going to die or give up she would always love him but she needed to do something for her and if he wasn't ready for that she wasn't sure she could hold onto him, she wasn't as selfish as she used to be and sometimes letting go was easier than holding on.

The rest of the night was thankfully short, Bella was exhausted and when she noticed Paul yawning she knew he was too. They said good night to their friends and walked back to Paul's.

"You alright? You've been pretty quiet since Amanda tossed that last book your way?" Paul was holding her hand. She smiled up at him and nodded.

"Yea…I'm fine." She was fine or she was trying to be. It was making her feel sick having to think about the future. Paul raised an eyebrow and stopped her, they were half way to his house now.

"Tell me what it is…" He prodded gently. She sighed and looked around to make sure no one would witness it if he decided that she was crazy and he was done with her.

"I love you, I really do but what if we don't work out? I want kids Paul. I don't think I care so much about being married but one day I might want to try again and…" She felt so vulnerable but she couldn't not tell him these things right? "I don't mean today, or tomorrow but in the near future and I cant just shut that part of me off forever." She actually hadn't realized she'd been shutting it off before.

Paul didn't say anything for a few minutes and she was almost positive she was going to end up alone once again but she felt better for not having to hold it in anymore, it was what she wanted and he needed to know.

"Okay. Well I already assumed you wanted kids Bella are you worried that I don't want those things with you?" He tilted her chin so she was looking at him, she nodded. He sighed. "Its hard for me to think about those things sometimes and I don't want you to think its because of you…its not. I just had a future mapped out and I'm trying I really am but sometimes it's harder than others. I do want those things and not just for me but for Sierra too. I want her to have someone there for her and as much as it scares me I want her to have a little brother or sister one day too." Bella hadn't been expecting him to say that. She knew it was hard for him and as long as she knew he thought about it and that he was trying she felt better, she could deal with that.

They walked the rest of the way in a comfortable silence. He held her hand like he didn't want to let her go and when they got back to his place and into bed she felt warm and safe in his arms. This thing they had might not last forever and she could plan all she wanted, sometimes things happened and no one could control the outcome, she was going to enjoy this for as long as she had it, enjoy him for as long as she had him.

**A/N: I know Bella is annoyingly insecure but she was in a pretty wrecked relationship and in her defense Paul is definitely a live day to day man. With all that wedding planning and talk, she's obviously going to think about a future and she's bracing herself as much as she can for the unexpected because that is life. **

**As always thanks for reading :)  
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	19. Chapter 19

Chapter nineteen.

Bella was running around his house like a mad woman, tidying and straightening as she went along, her mother was on her way and he thought it was sort of funny. She turned to look at him after smoothing out the curtains, she was so weird sometimes.

"Are you laughing at me?" She didn't even wait for him to answer, she turned back around to re-fluff the couch cushions.

"Oh my god Bella sit the fuck down and relax for a minute." She was starting to irritate him. Bella turned around only to glare at him before she moved along to the kitchen, he thought probably to scrub the dirt out from between the tiles that no one would ever notice. He wasn't worried about meeting Renee but Bella was clearly nervous to have him meet her.

A knock on the door and Bella jogging to get it was his cue to finally stand up and he hoped she could finally sit still for a couple minutes. Renee, her boyfriend and his grandson walked in and she seemed to be surprised by his height or just his appearance, her eyes widened as she looked him over. Paul extended his hand to John, Renee's boyfriend, then to Renee who managed to pull herself together.

"Oh my goodness you're huge!" She finally said and Paul couldn't not laugh at that. Bella shook her head, obviously embarrassed. Renee simply laughed it off and pulled him into a hug. "So you're the man who has answered my prayers" She looked back at her boyfriend. "I mean for Bella."

"Oh dear god…" Bella was still pink but she shook it off. "Why don't you come in and sit down and Sierra is going to be walking through the door any minute so Dylan will have someone to talk to." She smiled down at the little boy and Paul liked how she was so good with kids, they loved her, she loved them and that was that.

He had been thinking about what it would be like to have another child or two, it scared the shit out of him to imagine losing another child, another woman he loved but he was pretty sure when Sierra was older, when he was actually comfortable with the idea of another child, it would be fine.

Renee was a talker and she was also full of questions. She wanted to know about his job, his family, his education, everything. Bella would try to steer the conversation the other direction but he actually didn't mind talking about most things anymore, no one usually asked and as long as she wasn't picking it straight from his brain, he didn't see the problem answering.

"Your daughter is beautiful and you know…" Renee took a sip of her tea as she glanced between the kids in the corner and Paul and Bella. "She looks just like her mother, well and I suppose her aunt did at that age." Bella's eyebrows pulled together, obviously confused by her mothers words, she interrupted.

"How…I mean I thought you didn't even know the Blacks when you were with dad?" She shook her head, like she was trying to make sense of it. Renee smiled at her daughter and leaned forward a bit.

"Charlie sent you home with pictures of your time here, don't you remember that?" Bella shook her head slowly. "I suppose you were a little young to remember those memories but they were put into a box for safe keeping, I brought them up, they're actually in the trunk. I had to dig through boxes and boxes of stuff but thankfully they were still safe and undamaged." Renee continued on and Paul could tell Bella was shocked for some reason, he didn't really know why, maybe because she didn't think her mom was capable of taking care of something...

Eventually she ran out to the car to grab the pictures and came back in, still beaming. They went through a small box filled with pictures and he was impressed with Renee's memories, she hadn't been there but she seemed to remember all of the stories Bella or Charlie had told her of those times. Photo's of a nine year old Rachel and Rebecca holding onto a five year old Bella and a toddling Jacob made Paul smile.

After her mom left to go back to her house Bella sat down on the couch and flipped through each and every picture.

"I cant believe she had these and…" She shook her head. "I didn't even know. I'm not sure why I blocked out so many memories of the time I spent with my dad maybe because I hated having to leave again." Bella's voice was quiet as she handed him a small stack of photo's. "These all have pictures of Rachel in them and I'd like for Sierra to have them." Paul looked through them again and wow did Sierra ever look like Rachel, he had seen pictures of her when she was little but it was a few years ago. He handed the photo's back to her.

"You can give them to her and maybe you could share what you do remember with her." For some reason it made him feel a little closer to Bella, to know that she had on some level bonded with Rachel when their worlds were simpler. There was a picture of Rachel, Rebecca and Jacob sitting with their dad and beside them Charlie sat with Bella in his lap, he looked like every proud father and Bella examined the picture before she burst into tears.

Paul pulled her into a hug and held her. Sierra walked in to the room, clearly worried about Bella, she sat on the other side of her and let Bella hold onto her.

"What's wrong Bella?" Sierra was only paying attention to Bella and hadn't noticed the pictures sitting out yet. Bella shook her head, wiping her face.

"Nothing honey. I'm just being silly." Bella quickly pulled herself together before reaching for the pictures. She took a breath and looked at Paul, silently asking him if it was okay to share these now. He nodded.

"Hey you wanna see some pictures of your uncle Jake and your mom and Aunt Rebecca when they were little?" Sierra nodded her head and Bella handed her pictures and explained who was who in each one. Sierra laughed at the pictures of Jacob with 'girl hair' and when she studied one picture more carefully than others he waited.

"Who's that?" Sierra asked pointing to the picture of a tiny Bella being pulled in a wagon by Rachel and Rebecca. Bella smiled.

"That's me." Sierra looked between the picture and Bella a few times before she tilted her head to the side.

"That doesn't look like you." She pointed out, Bella shrugged then.

"Well I guess I have changed a little bit since then." Sierra nodded seriously along with Bella. "But I swear that's me." Bella was still smiling as she looked at the littler version of herself, a lifetime ago.

"Oh. And my mama loved you?" Sierra looked between her dad and Bella for confirmation. Bella looked like a deer caught in headlights and Paul simply nodded.

"Probably as much as you love Kai." He said honestly because even if he didn't know for sure, there was a stack of pictures from years and years of their lives and maybe they grew up and had separate lives but it was pretty obvious that these families loved each other. Bella excused herself and he frowned, she was even more emotional than usual.

Both him and Sierra were going through the pictures again when she came back.

"If you want to keep those pictures Sierra I can help you make a book to put them in and you can pull them out and look at them whenever you want." Sierra nodded and got up to wrap her arms around Bella's waist she thanked her before running off to get ready for bed. Bella put the photo's back into the box her mother brought them in and put them back away. Paul watched her as she fidgeted nervously, she was so off, it was freaking him out.

"What's going on with you today?" He waited while she tugged on her sweater nervously. When she finally spoke it was quickly and her voice was shaky.

"My period is late and maybe, maybe its just stress because the wedding is coming up and my mom's visiting and she always stresses me out but it should have been here days ago and its not and I know I shouldn't freak out because its probably just stress but this has never happened before and I'm sorry. I always take the pill at the same time every day and I don't miss it and I wouldn't do this to you on purpose and-" Paul cut her off because he was trying to process this all. So Bella's period was late and it could very well be because of stress but he was freaking out now too.

"Okay…breathe Bella." She did and he thought about what this would mean. If it wasn't stress and she was pregnant he had months and months of panic and fear ahead of him. After getting his own breathing back in check and moving from where he was standing to sit down before his legs gave out, he spoke again. "So you might be pregnant…its okay sometimes things just happen and it'll be fine, okay? We'll wait until after your mom leaves and take it from there okay?" She nodded, sniffling and wiping at her eyes. Paul got up, when he could finally feel his legs again and pulled her into a hug.

"God I'm sorry I'm being such a drama queen today. I just…there are all these things happening and I'm so tired and ugh." Bella let out a little growl as she rested her head on his chest. "The stagette is tomorrow night and I wasn't planning on drinking anyway but they're going to be watching me and probably wondering why I'm not and then Leah will probably hold me down and force me to tell her." Paul chuckled into her hair, he could see Leah doing it too.

Leah wasn't phasing anymore either, she wasn't trying to get pregnant but everyone knew she'd be thrilled if it happened. More than thrilled, hell, even he'd be happy for Leah, she deserved to have that piece of herself back and no one could deny that.

"I'm pretty sure she wont force it out of you right away, maybe in a few days…that is if Embry doesn't smell it on you first, maybe you should see if he can. Or Seth." Bella's face scrunched up as she looked up at him.

"I am not going to ask my brother…or my almost brother in law to sniff me." Paul laughed, they didn't need to be asked, they would either smell it on her or they wouldn't. It would definitely be quicker to deal with one of his brothers than going into a pharmacy where everyone knew everyone else and they would definitely put two and two together when he was picking up a test.

"Fine but they're going to smell it on you…_if_ you are anyway." He was suddenly very calm about the idea of her being pregnant. Maybe because there was still a chance she wasn't. Probably. He could freak out or breathe later when he knew for sure. Bella sighed and looked up at him.

"Well I was planning on telling you that I thought about moving in and that I was ready for that but I'd understand if you wanted to take a few steps back after this." Paul laughed, she was so ridiculous sometimes.

"Take a few steps back from you possibly being pregnant?" Bella punched him in the arm.

"Be serious Paul." He really was trying but she was making it difficult. When she sniffled again he shut his mouth and got serious.

"Well you already know I want you to move in and this definitely doesn't change that, if anything it would make me want you to move in sooner." Honestly she practically lived there anyway and it was starting to bother him when she wasn't there when he woke up. Of course if she was pregnant he wouldn't let her leave, well not without a fight anyway.

"Are you sure?" it took everything in him not to roll his eyes, she was extra sensitive and he didn't want her to cry again so he nodded instead.

They went to bed and Bella fell asleep before he did. He watched the rise and fall of her chest and let his eyes wander to her flat stomach. He never imagined having children before Rachel and then she gave him Sierra and he wanted a bigger family, lots of little ones…After finding out that there were complications with Rachel and the baby he bargained and pleaded with whatever god he could to let his wife and baby be okay…that didn't do him any good. It was almost two years now and he felt the panic setting in.

Too soon. Too fucking soon and he couldn't do that again,maybe not ever. Bella was not Rachel but he loved her the way he loved Rachel, maybe he didn't tell her enough but he did love her. Sierra loved her and if they lost her...he wasn't sure what the hell he would do. Paul got up off the bed and paced the quiet house, he checked in on his daughter, she was still sound asleep.

He finally managed to calm down enough to fall asleep. Bella woke him up, a huge smile on her face.

"False alarm." She said as she leaned over and kissed him on the head. Oh there his lungs were, he breathed and tried not to look too pleased by this, even if she looked ready to jump out of her own skin.

"You look pretty happy about that." He said as he sat up, still tired. Bella laughed and nodded.

"Uh yea." She sighed. "I'm not ready for that just yet and don't act like it didn't scare the shit out of you too…" She smiled at him. He shrugged.

"Yea it did, it does. Its too soon." Bella nodded in understanding, she was quiet for a moment.

"I put on some coffee and Sierra helped me make breakfast, you'd better get up…" She paused thinking about something. "I still want to move in, if that's okay and maybe you should stock up on condoms or something, I mean we don't want another scare right?" He chuckled, nodding. She bounced out of the room and he was glad he didn't have to think about those things for a while.

Renee and Dylan came for lunch at Billy's house and Bella was practically skipping along with the kids and Renee noticed. So did everyone else, she simply smiled at Paul and shrugged off their silent questions. They pulled out the pictures Bella brought along and Billy looked happy, to see them. Sierra sat in his lap and pointed out every thing she remembered Bella telling her. When she laughed at her uncle Jake about his 'girl hair', he quickly defended himself.

"Hey! I was still too small to stick up for myself and Rebecca was freakishly strong back then those clips were hard to get out." He picked up Sierra, she was giggling as he ran her around the room. The little boy Dylan looked almost terrified to be sitting there, Paul could understand, there were these big guys who manhandled each other and everyone else, he probably thought he was going to be tossed around too. He nudged the boy and told him not worry about it, no one was going to bite him, that caused Bella to giggle madly and him to shake his head, no wonder they didn't have normal friends.

They left and Bella kissed him goodbye she was going with Leah and the other women that were being dragged along to celebrate Leah's final days as a single woman or whatever it was. Embry was keeping his little gathering low key, Sam would be there, Quil and Jared would also be there, it was sure to get awkward at some point.

Sierra was staying with Billy and his girlfriend while all the adults she knew and loved got shit-faced. Paul wasn't planning on drinking too much, he hated hangovers and now that he didn't burn alcohol off so quickly, the hangovers were a bitch to deal with, honestly just not worth it. Sam was also done with phasing so at least he wouldn't be the only one there not drinking from his own keg, in hopes of being slightly tipsy.

The night was typical, Jared was the first to fall and then start talking out of his ass to Quil about taking care of his kid and _his_ Lisa. Paul shook his head at the idiot, whenever he and Lisa were in the same room he stared and he wasn't good at pretending anymore, how Kim dealt with it was a mystery to him. Quil was taking life as it came at him, his relationship with Lisa wasn't serious yet because neither of them wanted to be more than comfort, relief and convenience at the moment.

Embry sat quietly glaring at Sam until he finally stood up and confronted him about it. They got in each others faces and Paul would have loved this seven years ago, but right now he was too tired to care. The same shit, always the same, he was glad he didn't have to exchange thoughts with them anymore. They were still his brothers and the only one calm enough to talk to normally was Seth and he was busy polishing off whatever was left of the food.

When everyone was done being assholes they played some poker and he relaxed a bit. Sam and Embry still glared at each other, idiots. Sam was happily married but he was still holding onto Leah and he resented Embry for it and for something that was out of his control. The older Embry got the more he looked like Josh, like Sam...like a Uley but that wasn't his fault and Sam was too old to be acting like such a baby about it. Paul would have hated his dad for it but would have been happy to accept a real fucking brother.

He called it a night and Jared, who somehow managed to stay drunk was the first to call him a 'pussy'. He let it roll off him and when Jake called him whipped he shrugged it off. If anything he was 'settled down', he was happy and there was nothing wrong with that

He said his goodbyes and went home, he was happy when Bella climbed into bed beside him not too much later, she said her and Leah bailed early but she rolled her eyes and shook her head when he asked about the party, she'd explain it later and he didn't feel like hearing about any more drama tonight anyway, it was probably the same shit, different perspective.

He could honestly say that he would take being called whatever those assholes wanted to call him, there was not much to worry about when it came to his relationship with Bella. They were good.

**A/N: So I had this chapter written and it was completely different but my laptop is a jerk and so was the person who used it last**

**- long story short someone was an idiot and I lost a lot of stuff - I had to start over again and every time I sat down to write it out I got distracted and I couldn't get back into it Anyway its done and I hope you're still hanging in there...I am wrapping this up in a few more chapters. **

**As always thank you for reading :)**


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter twenty.

Her hair had grown out, long enough to be curled, her dress was simple, so incredibly beautiful and perfect for Leah. Bella dabbed at her eyes again as Leah stood in front of the mirror. Perfect. Sue was crying as well, this was her only daughter and she wanted nothing more than for her to be truly happy because she and everyone knew that she deserved it.

"I think I'm sick. God I hope I don't puke in front of everyone." Leah said as she turned away from her reflection. Bella noticed that she had been looking a little ill but she just brushed it off as 'cold feet' and since she had quit phasing, she might be readjusting to the whole 'normal body temperature thing', yea that was probably it too.

"It's going to be fine sweetheart. Everyone gets cold feet on their big day." Sue looked to Bella for backup. She was probably not the best example but she nodded anyway.

"Oh yea, I felt like I was going to be fall apart the whole time but well you know the whole nerves thing probably had more to do with the um _leeches._" She didn't want to insult the Cullen's but it was Leah's day and a simple name wasn't going to hurt anyone. Leah chuckled and shook her head.

"I really am a bad influence on you aren't I?" Sue and Bella both nodded their heads before laughing. Leah was the first to pull herself together, she looked serious again, nervous and Bella eyed the trash can, it was probably best to make her get sick before. Sure, she'd have to brush her teeth and redo her make up but it would still be better than throwing up in front of everyone.

"I'm okay, I just. I've had the worst case of butterflies for the past two weeks and I swear it feels like they're throwing themselves against my stomach…I just want to be…happy." Leah sat down on the bed, there wasn't a worry about wrinkling her dress or anything, those things weren't important and as her maid of honor, Bella took her place beside her friend, her sister…the step was dropped because it was no longer necessary. Leah was her family and she was going to be there for her always.

Grabbing her hand Bella looked Leah in the eye, it was time to say something wise, something meaningful and something that would help get her over her nerves. Nothing came to mind though because honestly there was a man out there who loved Leah more than anything in this world and that's all she needed to remember.

"Embry's probably shitting himself right now too Lee." Bella said as seriously as she could, Leah's mouth twitched at her use of the 'S' word but she frowned again.

"I know but I mean what if he realizes right now that he wants all the things I cant give him…what if this is all for nothing?" Leah's voice cracked as she shook her head slowly. "I mean what if he imprints and leaves me?" Sue stepped in then and Bella was thankful because she was never sure what to say when it came to relationships and she was especially clueless when it came to marriage, unless Leah wanted advice on how to pretend nothing's wrong...

"Leah look at me." She commanded, and Leah did. "You deserve to be happy and sitting here worrying about something that might never happen is going to make you miserable. Do you want to do that to yourself again?" Shaking her head, Leah sniffled and buried her face in her hands. "Embry loves you and he will fight for you just like you would fight for him. You're worth the fight and just because Sam couldn't figure that out soon enough…" Sue wiped at her own eyes as she struggled to keep her own emotions in check. "It doesn't mean Embry will make the same mistake." Bella watched the women and waited for Leah to realize that Sue was right, she knew these things, she just needed to be reminded.

When Leah was finally feeling ready, they touched up her make up and Sue smoothed out whatever wrinkles she could on Leah's dress, she took a deep breath and stepped out of her childhood bedroom where Seth was waiting to walk her toward her future.

Embry stumbled over his vows and neither the bride or groom took their eyes off each other. Bella hardly noticed the awkward tension around her as they reached the tiny hall for the reception. The small space was where Sierra's birthday party was held and it seemed that some of the tension from that day still remained. Jared sat by himself, his daughter in his lap as Kim sat quietly beside Emily and her boys. Sam was no where to be seen and Bella wondered if this was the final straw for him.

All these years he had been hiding behind his imprint, trying to hold onto Leah for dear life and now he would watch as she started a life with Embry, a man even Bella was sure was not only his pack brother but his half brother as well. There would always be those 'what if's' for him. Leah on the other hand was done with the 'what if's' she was now wondering 'what's next.'

"I'm pretty sure Sierra just ate enough cake to keep her bouncing off the walls for the next seven weeks." Paul said as he sat down beside her. Bella turned to smile at him, she loved knowing that as 'volatile' and messed up as everyone claimed Paul to be before, he was probably the best of the bunch now, next to Embry and Seth of course.

He loved Rachel as a person and not because some fate forced him to, he loved her because she loved him. Simple and uncomplicated by the world around them. Now he loved Bella because he could, because she loved him. He leant forward to kiss her and she closed her eyes at his touch.

"What you thinking about kitten?" She smiled at his name for her, she stopped hating it a long time ago because he said it all loving and cute, like she meant something to him. She did mean something to him and she realized this now.

"Why'd Sam leave?" She knew why but she honestly couldn't understand why he didn't want to see Leah happy. After all she'd been through she thought he owed her that much. Paul shrugged.

"Dunno, guess its probably hard for him." He looked over to where Leah and Embry were dancing then back to Bella. "She's happy and he's always wanted her to be happy but I think he honestly believed that somehow her happiness could have more to do with him." Bella frowned at that, it was sort of selfish but she stopped that train of thought immediately, she was not one to judge. She glanced over to where Jacob was dancing with Amanda, no she was not one to judge.

"Its sad you know." Bella said, because honestly it was. Sam had Emily, they had children and he needed to let this go, Paul agreed.

"Yea but Sam will always be the king of guilt and angst. He's happy but there's that part of him that doesn't think he should be…you know?" Bella nodded and leaned over to rest her head on Paul's arm.

They got up and danced before Sierra tripped and started crying. Both Bella and Paul scrambled over to where she was. Her arms wrapped around her dad's neck and her hand gripped Bella's, she ignored the eyes on the three of them. Billy was probably smirking somewhere in a corner with her dad as he and everyone else watched them. Paul led them back over to the table and Sierra climbed from his lap to Bella's and because with Sierra it was natural, she comforted her, smoothing her hair and calming her down while Paul hunted down a first aid kit.

"Looks good on you Bells." Jake said as he sat down beside her. She raised an eyebrow at him, waiting for him to explain. "The mom thing." She gave him a 'stop-talking-before-someone-hears-you-look'. Sierra did hear it and she pulled her face back to look at Bella.

"Bella's not a mom." She glared at her uncle before frowning and looking back to Bella. "I don't want you to be a mom." she said honestly and Bella wasn't sure what to say to that, she eyed Jacob and he looked like he wanted to be anywhere but there. Bella had learned that kids were honest and they usually didn't censor themselves...ever.

"Well…" Bella grabbed Sierra's hands and looked her in the eye, she honestly had not thought this thing through and wasn't sure what she was supposed to say, she couldn't just tell her "too bad because I want to be a mom and you're going to have to deal with it." And she couldn't tell her that it would never happen because these were things that she had thought about but hadn't taken Sierra into consideration yet. To be honest, she wasn't planning on having kids until Sierra was a couple years older...it would be just too much.

Paul came back with the first aid kit and he looked at the three of them. Bella looked rattled, Jacob looked guilty and Sierra had stopped crying but she still looked upset.

"What's going on?" Jacob took this as his cue to leave, he gave Sierra and Bella a kiss on the head and Paul a sympathetic pat on the shoulder before practically leaping over tables to get away from there. Bella still had Sierra's hands in her own.

"We were just…" She took a breath and then smiled, it looked painfully forced and she knew they could probably both see right through her. "How about we get that cut cleaned up?" Bella stood, Sierra still in her arms and carefully set her back down. Paul looked at her and she mouthed 'later' to him.

Later came, sooner than she would have liked and she had all that time to think everything over. She loved Sierra and she was not trying to step in and replace Rachel, she would never do that….ever. Not once had she considered doing something like that but it hurt that Sierra had so quickly, easily said those words. Neither Bella or Sierra were very talkative and Paul finally broke down to ask.

"Okay what happened back there?" He looked between them both and Bella glanced over at Sierra.

"Bella cant be a mom!" She shouted as she burst into tears and Paul looked between Bella and her for a moment before picking his daughter up. He was obviously confused and Bella tried not to let this shake her up, it was hard.

"Um Jake said something about me being a mom." He still didn't understand but he put her back down and kneeled down in front of her.

"Hey." He waited until Sierra was done sniffling and he had her full attention before speaking again. "Why don't you want Bella to be a mom?" She kept her eyes down as she spoke

"Because mom's die and I don't want Bella to die." Bella could see him swallow what she imagined was the lump in his throat, she had one too because she had not been expecting these words at all. Trying to control her breathing, Bella remained where she was, trying to decide whether or not she should say something and if so...what the hell was she supposed to say?

"Listen baby. Not all mommies die…" Only hers and his and then there was Jake, Rebecca and Rachel's mom. "…sometimes it happens but-" letting out a breath he stopped, probably searching for something to say, anything to make her understand. Bella stepped forward, she had to at least help him out, he had struggled enough and if she could say anything helpful, if she could contribute anything to this little girls life, well then she should.

"Sweetie, your mommy was a very special kind of mommy and…heaven." Bella struggled for words too. "…well heaven has babies too and they need special mommies like her." She said as she kneeled down in front of her, beside Paul. "She loved you very, very much…" She looked down to her knees before looking back up at Sierra, blinking back tears.

They were all kinds of fucked up and both of them knew that. It wouldn't ever just be a relationship that they could slink out of whenever they wanted to. Sierra was here and she loved Bella, Bella loved her. There was no place worth going if the man beside her and the little girl in front of her weren't going with her. Bella realized that if Sierra never got over this fear…she would probably never have children because she didn't want her to hurt, it was that simple. Decision made.

"Its okay though honey, we don't have to talk about this anymore okay?" Sierra nodded and jumped up to hug her, she was putty in this little girls hands and she didn't mind one bit. Paul was silent beside them, he stayed quiet until Sierra went to get on her pajama's and get ready for bed.

"I'm going to talk to her…she needs to know that if." He blinked. "No…when, not if, you get pregnant that its going to be okay." Bella smiled sadly. When did her life become so complicated?

"Its okay Paul. I know you feel the same way…" He shook his head but she knew it was something he had and probably always would be worried about. That wouldn't stop him from trying but she knew he'd always have that fear. "I'm not going anywhere." She said as he walked toward the stairs to talk to his daughter.

It was a couple weeks later that Leah burst through Paul's front door with a box in her hand and a white plastic device in the other. She was shaking and Bella sat her down, having to pry the box from her sister's hand. A pregnancy test. The little piece that said negative or positive was covered by Leah's hand, her iron grip was impossible to pull the thing out of.

"Are you going to tell me or am I going to have to saw off your hand to see the result?" Leah snapped out of her daze then and blinked, tears poured out of her eyes as she handed the test over to Bella's waiting hand. She looked down and looked at the box and yep it was definitely positive.

"You're pregnant! Oh my god Leah!" Bella grabbed her and pulled her into a hug, they were both sobbing when Paul walked in. Bella looked to Leah and she nodded, letting her know it was okay to tell him.

"Leah's pregnant!" Paul's eyebrows shot up and he pulled her into a gentle(for Paul)hug.

"Congratulations! Embry must be shitting himself right now." Paul said as he looked between the women. Leah laughed shaking her head.

"He doesn't even know. I had to make sure I wasn't hallucinating or something first." Leah said, she was still grinning as she picked up the box and test. "Don't say anything to anyone else yet. I don't want to jinx it or something." Both Paul and Bella swore not to tell anyone, she would tell Embry and have an ultra sound done first and then when she was past the first hurdle, she'd tell people, it would be okay for them to celebrate but until then they were to keep this quiet.

Bella watched on as Paul collected himself after Leah left, she could tell he was happy for her, who wouldn't be?

"I guess you don't need to lend your uterus out after all huh?" He chuckled and Bella shook her head. That discussion was forgotten by Leah almost immediately and she never brought it up again. Leah and Embry were supposed to be looking into adoption and now...well maybe they would still adopt but they'd probably have to wait until the baby was a bit bigger.

"I guess I don't but I don't think it would have been spacious enough for Leah and Embry's baby anyway. Look at how tall they both are." Paul laughed at that.

"Well since they haven't always been this big, their baby will probably be average too." Bella blushed, she hadn't thought about that and she really should have. "Sierra was seven pounds when she was born and..." Paul stopped. "and my son was a little bit smaller than that." Bella grabbed for Paul's hand, squeezing it gently.

"Paul I...what was his name?" The subject never came up and she was always too afraid to ask but right now...she thought he might be ready to talk about his son. Paul sighed and for a moment she thought she might have pushed too far.

"I couldn't name him and Rachel wasn't conscious, we talked about a few names before he was born but she wanted to see him first before..." He sucked in a breath. "...she didn't get to see him and I didn't want to take that from her." Bella nodded, she could never understand the pain that came along with thinking about this but she could be here for him when he wanted to talk about it. "They didn't let me see him, well not until after everything else...He had a lot of hair, more than Sierra. I held him for a couple minutes too..." Paul smiled at the memory before shaking his head. "Sierra was a crier and I always wonder if he would have been as noisy as her. If they would have fought and if he would end up looking more like me or her side of the family." Bella was still holding his hand and doing the best she could to keep herself together for him.

"I know Rachel wouldn't have been the same if she lived through that. Of course she loved Sierra and me but it would have taken a piece of her, would have changed her and I probably wouldn't have been able to hold everything together, it probably would have ended us." Bella didn't believe that though, Paul was strong enough to manage it and he loved Rachel, she was sure he could have helped her through it if she did live. They would never know though.

The next few weeks went by quickly and Bella did move in with Paul and Sierra, her wedding dress was donated to the high school for whatever the drama club might need it for. Any good memories she had with Edward were packed up and stored in the attic of her house, she didn't need to look at them to remember but she couldn't just toss them away. When Paul removed the family portrait of him, Rachel and Sierra, Bella waited until he went to sleep to put it back up. It didn't matter what they were to each other now, Rachel was a part of who they were and she wouldn't let her presence change that.

**A/N: Two more chapters and an epilogue and this story is over. I'm so thankful for the reviews and those of you who have added this to your story alerts or favorites, I really appreciate it. I know my updates have been a little inconsistent and I apologize for that, my real life is sometimes hectic and this has to become my last priority but it will be finished as well as any other fics I've got up...just taking more time than I thought. **

**Thank you for your patience and as always thank you for reading :)**


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter twenty one.

Wrapped inside a yellow blanket in his mothers arms was Leah's son, perfect. The small dark wisps of hair that surrounded his lively features were raven black and soft. Bella could not seem to stop crying. It was perfectly normal for people to get emotional but she had gone through twenty tissues in like five minutes, that wasn't normal. Paul knew that she was happy for Leah, they all were but he was starting to worry about her. It wasn't like she was pregnant or something, he knew for a fact that she was not pregnant.

After she moved in she made sure they were always stacked with 'protection'. A pregnancy scare and then having Sierra freak out about the idea of Bella being a mom and dying was enough to keep them both in check for this long, so he knew she wasn't pregnant. Maybe she was just overwhelmed or something.

Leah had only taken a glance at them since they walked through her door, she was so happy. Paul gave Embry a pat on the back, congratulated him and then moved over to give Leah a hug. Her eyes were glassy and she was practically glowing when she finally looked up at him.

"He's so perfect." Paul wasn't sure if she was talking to just him, or all of them or maybe she was just thinking out loud. He nodded his head though because he was definitely healthy and cute and very close to being perfect.

Names were being thrown around for months, and since Leah spent most of her time with Bella and now that Bella lived with him, he knew that this baby boy would be named after Harry. Henry was one of the names they were sure he was going to have and it suited the kid along with any other name they wanted to call him. Sierra was in the other room with Sue and Charlie, after she peaked in to make sure Leah and the baby were safe, alive and well, she went back to watching TV in Leah and Embry's living room, she liked babies but after she realized that they mostly slept when they were this little, she usually got bored quickly and wanted to be doing something else.

"Did you want to hold him?" Leah was watching him, still cradling her son in her arms and he wondered why she would ask him before she asked Bella but he understood. The memory of him handing Sierra to her was still fresh in his mind and probably hers as well. Paul nodded his head and carefully took the baby from her. He knew Bella was watching and she was still sniffling.

Looking down at the sleeping baby in his arms Paul was pretty sure he could do it again. He was also sure that Leah was going to make a kick ass mom and this little boy was going to have everything he needed and probably wanted in life. When Embry shifted somewhere beside him, he looked up and noticed the man was hovering. He gave Embry his son because he knew that he was probably just barely jumping out of his own skin with worry right now. Oh he knew Paul wouldn't drop him or hurt him but he was a new dad and he didn't blame the guy for being over protective, hell, he still felt that way about Sierra, these things were to be expected.

"Sorry but well..." Embry said as he looked down at his son, he looked back at Paul with the biggest grin he could fit on that face of his. Paul nodded and shrugged, he got it.

"Don't worry about it." At some point Bella snatched him(gently) and he could feel Leah getting anxious, she would shift on the bed and make a little noise. Since it was impossible to get Bella's attention Paul ended up stepping in and nudging his girlfriend to give Leah her son back. They shared a smile and Bella kissed the little bundle before passing him back to his mom who finally seemed to relax having him back in her arms.

When they were done visiting and Bella was back to being calm and rational they went home. Sierra was quiet and he wondered what was going through her little mind. After she turned six a few months ago he noticed she was starting to want more independence and it drove him insane. Its not like he didn't know she was growing up but when she stopped wanting to be called 'Puppy' in front of her friends and when she insisted she was old enough to brush her own teeth and read her own books, he started to feel it. The separation would happen, it was happening and over the years she'd need him less and less until one day she'd get by just fine on her own…

When he finally looked around himself he noticed Bella was looking worriedly between his daughter and him. He stopped thinking so much when he realized his daughter clearly needed him in this moment and Bella stepped out to give them some space.

"Hey pup you okay?" Sierra nodded her head slowly, sadly. She was definitely not okay. Paul sat down beside her and for the first time he didn't know what to do. When she was upset she cried and told him exactly what was going on and he didn't usually have to pry it out of her. Hesitantly he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her into his side when she climbed into his lap and settled herself like she used to he breathed a sigh of relief.

"I miss my mom." He nodded and held onto his daughter a little tighter.

"I know you do baby." For the first time he felt calm talking about it. She wasn't crying and he wasn't feeling all torn up inside. "Its okay to miss her, you're always going to think about her and that's okay too. That's how we remember her." They were both quiet for a few moments before Sierra spoke again.

"Can Bella be my mom?" Paul wasn't sure what she wanted to hear or what he could possibly say to that.

"Do you want Bella to be your mom?" He asked, because honestly he knew this conversation would happen eventually but he had put off thinking about it for as long as he could. Sierra nodded.

"She's not my real mom but she does things my real mom used to do. She takes care of us." He nodded, feeling fairly confident that his daughter was smart enough to decide this for herself. He had no plans of leaving Bella or letting her leave…unless she really, really wanted to, so her place in their lives was pretty permanent.

"I think we should talk to Bella about this and you and her could come up with something you're both comfortable with okay?" He was pretty sure Bella would happily let her call her just about anything. Sierra nodded.

"If she's going to be my mom I think she should be your wife." Paul laughed and nodded. Again, he knew these talks would happen eventually and he'd probably be in shock later but right now he could deal with it. Or he could deal with it until Sierra put on the pressure.

"Well maybe we'll talk about that another time…like another year okay?" She smiled, her eyebrows raised and he probably walked into some trap but he couldn't quite bring himself to care because as long as his daughter was happy and somewhere in the house Bella was happy too(she would be after she stopped worrying about him and Sierra) he didn't have much else to worry about.

"Okay." She nodded and then he watched her eyebrows pull together and then her eyes widened and she smiled like she'd come to a conclusion, which he'd guessed after today she did. "Can we talk about babies too? I don't want a brother because Carrie always has to chase Kai around and Chad and Mason are mean to each other. A sister would be better." His own eyes widened and he tried not to choke on whatever was stuck in his throat. Well yes, he figured she'd come around with the idea but not so soon and he didn't think she's be so specific.

"Uhh…" He cleared his throat and nodded his head dumbly. "We'll talk about this stuff later okay? Not today though." He silently prayed that she'd at least wait because Bella was already emotional and this would probably have her weeping for days. "Promise me you'll wait until I give you the okay to talk about marriage and babies with Bella…please?" Sierra smiled showing all her teeth and nodded.

Sierra took off and appeared with Bella, she barely gave her enough time to sit down before she launched into her question.

"Can I call you mom?" When Bella's mouth fell open, Sierra giggled and Paul waited and watched. It honestly didn't bother him that Sierra wanted someone to call mom and that someone was Bella. As long as she was okay with it, he didn't mind and it would probably make things easier on them all in the long run. Bella finally pulled herself together enough and nodded at Sierra.

"If you want to call me…mom…yea I'd be okay with that. I mean if you're comfortable with that and if…" She looked over to Paul to check that he was okay with it. "I mean if you're both okay with that." Paul nodded, he was okay with it and when Bella smiled and she got all teary eyed he knew she was definitely okay with it.

"Daddy's okay with it and so am I. Now you can come to the mother-daughter tea party our class is having next week!" Sierra said excitedly, she must have realized how it sounded because she got serious again. "Its not just because of that though." Bella smiled and nodded before pulling Sierra in for a hug. Over the last year she had really grown and it showed when she was next to Bella, she looked so much bigger next to her.

"Its alright it sounds pretty important and of course I'll be there for you." That pretty much summed up everything for Paul. Anything important to Sierra was important to both him and Bella and he was positive he wasn't going to find anyone who loved and cared about both his daughter and him the way she did and of course they both loved and cared for her just as much.

Living with her the last several months was enough to make him really get it. They both hadn't experienced much else when it came to relationships. His own experience was enough to make him not want to throw himself out there to determine what's real and what's not, he had something solid and real and why the hell would he want to give that up?

Bella crawled into bed beside him that night and sighed, he waited knowing that she would want to talk about it.

"So you know you're pretty much stuck with me now. Stuck as in there's no way you're going to be able to get rid of me now right?" She smiled and scooted closer to him. Paul chuckled and nodded.

"Yea…" He ran a hand down her arm and smiled. "I don't think I mind being stuck with you." Bella propped herself up to kiss him on the chin. She smiled and then pulled herself up so she was laying on top of him. When she was comfortable she looked down at him.

"Are you really okay with it though Paul?" He wondered how she could not understand just how okay with her being a permanent part of him and his daughters life he really was.

"Yea I'm okay with it." More than okay with it, he was happy, he could always be this happy about things if he wanted with her there. Paul smiled up at her. "I think I'm more than okay with it. Maybe you could let me know when we could make this being stuck with each other a more formal thing." He wasn't about to stop now because he meant it, he wasn't going to let her go. When she raised her eyebrows and blinked he smiled even wider.

"It doesn't have to be now but when you're ready I want you to let me know." She smiled and nodded her head before scrunching up her nose.

"Did you just propose to propose?" He laughed and shrugged, that was pretty much what it was.

"I guess I did. And you just accepted this proposal." She laughed and nodded before moving herself up his body to kiss him. The movement alone was enough to drive him crazy and she was wearing his shirt and 'sleep shorts' he was pretty sure they were booty shorts and told her so every time she wore them, honestly though he didn't care at the moment. Not when she was straddling his stomach and his hands were moving up the backs of her thighs. She pulled back and moved to sit up, he raised an eyebrow at her.

"So are we engaged to be engaged then?" She asked through a smirk. Paul chuckled and pulled her back to kiss her again.

"I suppose we are." He was glad she could at least have a sense of humour about the whole thing and that she was actually thinking about it. It obviously wasn't going to be until everything around them settled down but he was going to ask and he wouldn't have to worry about freaking her out. Weird that it didn't freak him out but then again their relationship wasn't exactly conventional, those rules and expectations that regular people had, didn't apply. They weren't as careful as they usually were that night.

They were two guarded people and those walls were finally coming down, slowly but surely and he didn't worry or feel guilty about loving her, about always wanting to love her. They could live without each other if they wanted to but he knew he didn't want to. Their pasts didn't make a difference anymore, they existed but they weren't going to determine what happened next. It was the three of them, she was now a part of his family and if he was being honest with himself, she always was.

He wasn't going to promise her the world because he couldn't give her that and he didn't think she wanted it anyway. All he had to offer was himself. A slightly damaged, ex shape shifting, widower, a father, a man with too much baggage to keep track of. Yet...she still wanted him. Things would never be simple but they weren't supposed to be. Nothing would ever be perfect but that was okay because perfect didn't matter, perfect was boring and he knew first hand that perfect didn't last.

**A/N: Soooo! I'm posting this as the last chapter because I have an epilogue started and I promise you it probably won't be what you're expecting. I had this ending in mind and no matter how much I hate myself for it, it works and I will do my best to get it up as soon as I can.**

**As always thank you for reading and reviewing and adding to your favorites and story alerts(honestly I appreciate it) :)**


	22. An endingof sorts

**(A/N: I wrote this before I was finished with this fic…its not a perfectly happy ending but its happy-ish. I loved writing every bit of this and am glad people liked reading it. Its an epilogue of sorts, more like snippets of the future…so its not one solid plot or story, just pieces…I thank you for sticking with this story all the way through, I like to write as close as to real life as possible…and this really hurts me, they don't die or anything but…well you'll have to read and see.)**

…**Endings…**

It was a beautiful day and she couldn't imagine being anywhere but here with two of the people she loved most. Sierra looked beautiful as she stood in front of the mirror in her white dress, perfect.

"You are perfect Sierra Grace." Bella moved so she was standing beside her. Sierra had grown into a beautiful woman, she was taller than Rachel had been but she was just as beautiful, if possible, more beautiful than her mother. Yes, she was perfect. Sierra fidgeted with the delicate bracelet that hung from her wrist, it belonged to her mom.

"You look just like her and I'm sure if she could tell you herself just how proud of you she is, how beautiful and how amazing you are, she would." Sierra waved her hands in front of her face as if that could stop the tears she felt from sliding down her face, when she managed breathe through it, she turned to face Bella.

"I know. I'm glad that you're here though. I know things haven't always been smooth and I might have caused you and dad some problems but I do love you my Bella…you're my mom too." Bella swore she wouldn't cry but it was really hard not to. The little girl she had loved from the moment she first saw her was all grown up, that little girl was a woman and now she was getting married.

"Oh god. Your dad's going to love this, he warned me to wear the water proof mascara and of course I didn't listen." Sierra laughed as she pulled Bella into a hug. This was her family and maybe she hadn't given birth to her but she was there for her the way her own mother couldn't be. What she could remember of her mom, she loved. Bella never stopped reminding her that her mother loved her, but Bella was her mom too.

There was a knock on the door and Paul poked his head in the room. Sierra could tell he'd been misty eyed but didn't mention it. After all the years he'd played dress up and tea party with her, after all the bedtime stories and the many school projects he helped her build…he earned his moment too.

"You almost ready puppy?" Sierra grinned and nodded her head. Puppy was her name that only her daddy could call her and even if she was too old to be considered his pup, she wouldn't dare take that away from him.

"Ready as I'll ever be." Taking a deep breath, Sierra put her arm through his while she her other hand gripped Bella's. The two people who had sacrificed so much for her, stood on either side of her as she stepped out of her dressing room.

Paul walked his one and only daughter down the isle and lifted her veil, her eyes were shining and he could see every wonderful bit of her mother there. How many years later and it still stung but he breathed through it, Rachel would have been proud of their daughter. He kissed Sierra on the cheek before walking her the last few steps toward the groom, toward her future.

Sitting back down beside Bella, she gripped his hand tightly and he could feel her trembling, she had been there for Sierra, for him over the years and some of those years were harder than others. Some of those years were painful for both of them but she was still at his side and he squeezed her hand gently, he loved her.

The ceremony was so quick he could hardly focus, he caught Sam watching him after everyone had cleared the little church. They were officially in-laws and he shook his head laughing as his old alpha approached him.

"Two down and two to go huh Sam?" He forced out a laugh. Sam smiled at him sadly. Both of his boys were married now and he and Emily still had two teenagers to deal with, Paul might have been sympathetic to them but like many other fuck ups in his life, he couldn't understand. His only daughter, his only child was married now, all grown up and Sam was lucky he still had kids at home, even if he complained about it sometimes.

"It'll give you time to live a little bit Paul, maybe you and Bella can travel…she always talks about visiting the other side of the world…maybe now would be a good time to do that." Paul shrugged. He wanted to do that for Bella, after all she had given up but he was still afraid to leave his daughter and if he was worried Bella was probably even worse. They both knew that Sierra would be taken care of, hell she already was taking care of herself anyway and now she had Mason.

"Yea maybe. I just wish I could have given her the other things she wanted." Like kids of their own. Bella deserved to have someone love her, someone normal and yet she chose him. After years of trying, Bella came to accept that she couldn't get pregnant. How ironic that she had offered up her body for Leah's child and she was the one who needed the offer, although no one offered and she wouldn't have accepted anyway. Bella smiled at her (step)sister across from her at the reception, she was surrounded by her children, two of them were adopted and two were her own, all of them were growing so quickly now.

Everyone else had families of their own too and she wondered why things weren't more simple. Some things came easy but this one thing became the most complicated piece in her already tangled life.

Jake and Amanda were there with their kids, hell everyone had children and even Quil had a few, he and Lisa didn't work out but their short lived relationship gave Jared the push he obviously needed to go after the woman he was still clearly in love with. Kim had already given him the okay and even if it hurt her, she knew she was better off without him, he was better off without her and they still had a son to raise so they had to put some things, most things actually, behind them and they did just that.

She stared around the hall at all the children, she didn't like to feel sorry for herself but sometimes it was hard not to.

Sierra's best friend and maid of honor, Carrie stood up to make a toast. Then Chad, Mason's twin brother and best man stood to say his piece next. What they hadn't expected was Sierra to stand and she met Bella's eyes as she started to speak.

"First of all I'd like to thank you all for coming out to share this special day with us." She smiled at her husband before turning back to the table in front of hers where Bella was sitting beside Paul.

"I would also like to take a minute to thank my parents. As you all know my mother died when I was four. Not a day goes by that I don't think about her, I would have loved for her to be here with us today but things happen in life sometimes…things we cant change." She wiped at her eyes and took a breath.

"My dad has given up so much for me and although he could have given up when he lost her, he didn't." Sierra met his eyes and Paul willed the lump in his throat to go down. "I'm so glad he didn't give up because I don't know what I'd be without him." She was sniffling now as she continued, the room was quiet, even the kids were strangely quiet.

"I also have my Bella to thank for that…she's…" Sierra waved her hand in the air to gesture to the woman in front of her. "she's my mom too. When I needed to be comforted she was there. When I woke up from nightmares she was there to sing me back to sleep…even if she was always off-key." Bella smiled as she wiped at her face, her hand was trembling in Paul's.

"She played dolls with me, took care of me when I was sick, taught me to bake and how to take care of myself, she helped me through my first heart break, braided my hair and she loved me with all she had. I'm lucky you know…to have had two wonderful mothers."

The room was quiet still, the occasional sniffle could be heard. Sierra stood up and walked around to Bella's trembling form. It hurt her that the woman who loved her so completely without doubt or question had suffered so much, she hugged her.

"I love you both and I'm so glad dad has you." Bella was weeping in her arms and so were many others. Sierra didn't care that her perfect make up was ruined or that her dress was wrinkled and that her day had just become a little more emotional. It was the three of them in that moment, as it had been for just over eighteen years, she wouldn't have to worry about either of them as she turned back to the comforting arms of her husband, they had each other.

* * *

><p>The phone rang, Bella rolled over to pick it up without seeing the call display. Paul was still asleep, she looked at the clock it was still early.<p>

"Hello?" The cheerful voice on the other end answered it was Sierra.

"Morning mom, I just wanted to let you and dad know…" She paused. "Can you wake him up and put me on speaker?" Bella nudged Paul before sitting up.

"Wake up Sierra's on the phone." She nudged him again and he grumbled but sat up anyway.

"Are you both awake now?" Sierra sounded nervous and Bella's instinct was to protect as it always was with Sierra.

"Yea your dad just needs a minute, everything okay sweetie?" Sierra giggled at Bella's tone, she knew she was probably worried and all the anxiety over telling her parents was making her feel nauseous, she needed to hurry this along.

"Okay well I hope you can hear me daddy because I don't want you getting mad at not being the first to know. You're going to be grandparents!" Paul sat up staring down at the phone, the shock was a little bit much for him. His baby was having a baby. Bella clutched at her heart before swallowing the lump in her throat.

"Oh my god Sierra. I'm so happy for you. Your dad's in a bit of shock but we are so happy for you." Sierra laughed into the phone. "We're going to call Sam and Emily now. Love you both and we'll be over for lunch." Bella hung up and waited for Paul to say something, anything.

"Honey…" She waited. Paul turned to her, he had the hugest grin on his face before he pulled her in for a hug. "You okay?" She asked smiling at him.

"Yea, just. Wow. Cant believe she's having a baby. I'm going to be a grandpa…" Bella's smile got wider and she kissed him. "And you're going to be a grandma…" Her eyes lit up in a way he'd been waiting to see again. After three miscarriages that light seemed to dim, although she never allowed Sierra to see how much she was hurting, she was too protective of her that way, he knew she hurt over those losses because he did too. They got through it but now there was something to look forward to…

* * *

><p>Paul paced the waiting room nervously, his daughter was giving birth in the same hospital she'd lost her mother and baby brother, the same place he had to bring Bella those three times, it was hard for him to be there but he wasn't going to miss out on seeing his first grandson.<p>

Bella was the only one, other than Mason, allowed in the room with Sierra, she demanded that her mother be brought in and Bella calmly followed the nurse back into the delivery suite. Emily sat watching both Paul and Sam pacing nervously, she knew that they were worried and that her husband loved Sierra as if she were his own daughter, she was now. Even the two men couldn't compete with a mama bear. Rachel would look out for her daughter and so would Bella, it was a comforting thought that Emily decided to keep to herself.

The room was filled with an energy that Bella felt all the way to her bones. Sierra held her hand as she pushed and Bella coached her through each contraction while she helped Mason deal with his nerves. Fifty four minutes after she started pushing Sierra delivered a healthy baby, he weighed eight pounds and four ounces. He was beautiful and Bella managed to keep it together even as Sierra cried.

Mason cut the cord and the nurse wrapped up the tiny baby before handing him to his mother. The nurse looked between the proud new parents and the woman with them. She had known Isabella Swan since she moved to Forks a few years ago, small town and their gossip, plus her daughter had her for a teacher last year. It was though the grapevine that she heard Bella was not able to have children of her own. It didn't seem to stop her from living life and loving with all she had.

After sending Mason to fetch her dad and his parents Sierra turned to Bella, her son still in her arms. She looked down at the little baby in her arms, her son, she couldn't believe he was her son and that he was there. Bella was beaming down at the two of them and Sierra couldn't seem to stop crying, she was never more happy in her life and the woman who stepped into hers and her fathers lives and loved her like she was her own, was there to share it with her, her mom.

"Would you like to hold him Nana-Bella?" She smiled and nodded her head, she had become so quiet. Looking down at her son she cooed. "This is your nana Bella, she already loves you so very much." With that she passed her son over to Bella.

It was a moment she had shared with Leah once more when she had given birth to her second son. After that it was Lisa and Jared and their second child together, Bella was there to welcome her friends newest addition, even they had a happy ending and she tried not to be spiteful because they had both been through so much and they did deserve to be happy, it was hard though. This was different, this tiny baby was a part of her family and she loved every bit of him before she had even met him, she could see it in his dark eyes he was a part of her the same way Sierra was.

Mason stepped out with a huge smile on his face, both mother and son were okay. Their son was named William Tristan Uley. William after Billy, he would have been proud to know he had a great grandson. Tristan was Paul's middle name. Sierra had chosen the two most important men in her life. Sure her uncles were there for her but her Papa Billy and dad were the toughest guys she knew and it made perfect sense to her to name her son after them. Mason was just happy to be having a son, it didn't matter to him what she named him, although he knew it was important to her and he would support her decision no matter what.

Paul walked in to the room and hugged his daughter first, he was just glad she was okay, that his grandson was okay. Bella was sitting down in a chair beside the bed holding the tiny bundle. He used to torture himself with thoughts of her holding their baby but it never happened and he couldn't fix it but he knew she was happy in that moment with their grandson and the shit they went through years ago didn't matter, it was a part of who they were but it didn't matter right then, they were fighters and that was another battle they walked out from stronger than they started.

They left the little family and went back home to their own home. It was quiet and although Bella was happy with Paul she couldn't help feeling alone sometimes, maybe not alone just…it wasn't the same without Sierra around and that was ridiculous because she had moved out when she was eighteen and that was almost seven years ago but it still felt empty.

She did still have a classroom full of kids from September until June and then she had little ones who just loved to be around her for whatever reason, she honestly couldn't be miserable when she was the favourite aunt or teacher, it certainly wasn't that bad. And she had Paul.

"Are you happy Paul?" He looked at his wife and smiled.

"Yes." It was that simple for him. He wouldn't change anything. "I couldn't be more happy." Would he be happy with more children? He didn't know but it was what it was right now and he was happy with his wife, their daughter and now her family. Their nieces and nephews, his brothers and their families. Yes he was happy. Bella leaned into him.

"Me too." She said it so quietly he wasn't sure if she even said it.

"You sure?" He asked, she playfully hit his chest and looked up at him, she did look happy. Bella nodded her head, she really was happy. Paul and Sierra were her family and now that family had been extended and of course she was happy. It killed her that she couldn't have children of her own, she couldn't give Sierra a sibling to grow up with but then again she had Carrie-lynn and Kai and Mason and Chad, then all the other children that came along, maybe she didn't need a sibling.

The losses, those three lives, as new and young as they were, the unfairness of it all made her depressed and then angry with everyone, especially herself. She wondered why she couldn't just be normal, why she was never normal. Was it because she had made such insane choices in her past? It hurt her so much that she wasn't able to do this one thing for Paul. Eventually she stopped being angry and accepted that she just wasn't meant to have children and she even tried to leave him, she wanted him to have what he deserved and she honestly didn't believe it was her, she couldn't understand how he thought she was worth all the pain and suffering they were going through.

When he didn't let her leave and promised to hunt her down if she tried, she stayed because she knew she wasn't capable of leaving, she couldn't if she tried, where she belonged was with Paul and Sierra and it would be more painful to leave than it would be to stay.

Bella wrapped her arms around her husband a little tighter. They had a wedding anniversary coming up. Yes, this was where she belonged and no matter how rough things got she was exactly where she was supposed to be. Paul made her happy and after fifteen years of marriage and nearly twenty years together she could not imagine her life without him, without their family. He toughened her up and she could not have made it through everything with anyone else and she knew this.

"I love you." She tiptoed to give him a kiss on the chin the way she knew he liked. Paul smiled and picked her up. She loved that he was still strong enough for the both of them and that he could still make her blush with simple words or a simple action. He could still melt through everything with a touch or kiss. Bella wrapped her legs around him and he pulled his head back to look at her.

"I love you too kitten." She smiled and rested her head on his shoulder, still wrapped around him, he carried her to the couch and sat down. They were sitting quietly, his hands stroking her back and her face buried between his neck and shoulder. He was her anchor and she was his…everything. The day was an emotional one and she was exhausted and she fell asleep in Paul's arms in their quiet home, she could hear his heart beat and thought maybe it wasn't so quiet after all, she could feel him breathing and knew that she wasn't so alone either, yes this was where she was meant to be.

**A/N: Okay so I wept like crazy when I wrote this. Not all endings are happy or perfect but they sometimes work out better than they should. It was always going to be the three of them and I wasn't sure how I was going to end it but this seemed perfect and I really hope it didn't upset or disappoint anyone too much. God I am crying because this is the end and it makes me so sad….lol **

**Anyway I really appreciate every review I received, I am the worst at responding to them but I completely loved reading each one so thank you **


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